My intent has been to apply the Quick Hits format more often, but every time I’ve attacked the keyboard recently in that regard, the first story turns into a full column. But since we really need to catch up on things, I promise that won’t happen here. Onward!
A meaningless victory
Though it certainly didn’t take a crystal ball to foresee the possibility, just as this columnist predicted, the Illinois Supreme Court shot down that Springfield Democratic anti-slating law faster than the Grand Cheeto can make up stupid shit about pets.
C’mon! Everybody knows only Chinese immigrants eat cats and dogs.
Briefly, slating is the traditional practice by which a Party can insert a candidate into an open electoral slot created by the lack of primary candidates. The newly minted contestant must follow all of the nominating rules including, but not limited to, acquiring the requisite number of voter signatures.
It’s not all bad, either. Should a candidate have to bow out of a race due to family, medical, or nefarious reasons, the Party should be able to choose a replacement.
The singular reason the Dems attempted this end run is, though slating is generally an exercise in futility, since any opposition has to be taken seriously, their candidates will have to spend all the time, money, and effort required to run a reasonable campaign – even against a lowly Illinois Republican.
Put more simply, all of J. B.’s bullshit about “protecting the process from backroom deals” was just that – bullshit.
But while those Springfield Republicans were taking a victory lap around the capitol building last month, I was laughing my bony white ass off at their rank stupidity – the new trademark of the Republican Party everywhere.
To wit, I cannot remember the last time a slated candidate – from either party – won a major election. By virtue of running in the primary, even if they have no opponent, the other guy has already accrued a six-month name recognition advantage which makes it virtually impossible for the slated candidate to catch up. And if the slatee is up against an incumbent? Fuhgeddaboudit!
Ah well! I suppose when you’re an Illinois Republican you have to celebrate the small victories like not putting your t-shirt on backwards in the morning.
If you ask me, the Democrats were trying to do the pathetically lost GOP a favor.
But wait! There’s more Illinois Republican stupidity!
Back when former KC Treasurer Dave Rickert was helping me with my best selling So You Want to Win a Local Election book, he would often lament that I was giving away all our best secrets. My unerring response to his fascinating contention always was, “Don’t worry Dave! No one will listen.” And they never have!
Now, I’m not going to get into the “Free Speech Zone” falderal that temporarily beset Kane County Building A because the issue’s been settled to everyone’s satisfaction. But what most folks missed was the abjectly stupid KC GOP strategy that instigated the fracas in the first place.
In their eternal inimitable wisdom, the Republicans thought it would be a good idea to have their minions pass out anti-Chairman Corinne Pierog literature to people paying their property taxes in person and via the drop box in the back.
That kind of asininity almost makes Agent Orange look intelligent.
Since he hasn’t previously listened to my sterling advice, I’m, once again, going to provide blowhard KC GOP Chairman Andro Lerario with the kind of sage electoral counsel that would normally run him four or five figures. And I’m going to do this because, not only will they fail to pay heed, but they’ll openly declare I’m dead wrong.
The first problem with this pamphlet scenario was that the material in question was an amateurish homemade flier that misspelled Chairman Pierog’s name. And that ain’t gonna impress anyone. In fact, it will likely do the opposite.
The second is two-thirds of Kane County adults are registered voters, and though Trump has driven some recent record turnouts, about half of them vote in any even-year election. That means the odds of those homemade flyers landing in an active voter’s hand are seriously south of 50 percent. It’s the same kind of waste-of-time crapshoot as passing out campaign literature at Walmart or the Metra station.
Third! The last thing I want to have to endure when paying a hefty Illinois property tax bill is some self-important jackass, no matter how polite, assaulting me at the Building A front door with a bad piece of homemade political propaganda. I just want to pay the bill and leave.
And that goes double for the back-of-Building-A drop off box. I’ve never liked that captive audience dynamic, and having to deal with some flippin’ reprobate running in and around and between waiting cars while the impatient folks behind me endlessly honk is one of my favorite things.
My theory, and I proposed it to Chairman Pierog directly, is to let these MAGA morons continue to aggravate the crap out of property taxpayers because they’re really good at it and it might just provoke them into voting. If they do vote, it won’t be for Republican loon Lance Bell.
To quote the late great Walt Kelly, “The Kane County Republicans have met the enemy and it is them.”
Why law enforcement officers are so easily re-hired
In The First Ward’s August 1 column covering Sangamon Sheriff’s deputy Sean Grayson’s outright murder of the clearly mentally ill Sonya Massey, I questioned why it was so easy for marginal law enforcement officers to be quickly re-hired by another jurisdiction.
Leave it to one of my favorite retired police sources to call and fill in the blank.
Every department is forced to face certain fiscal realities, and should they employ a candidate who’s already been through the academy, they won’t have to cough up that $5,000 training tuition. And they’re willing to overlook certain peccadilloes to realize those savings.
Considering the mounting pressure on every elected official to keep their budget in check, does it come as any surprise that they’d make dubious decisions in the name of budgetary expedience? Though as the great Judge Marilyn Milian likes to say, “Veces, lo barato sale caro,” and that’s certainly going to be the Sangamon County case.
On the other hand, if we, the taxpayers, want a more thorough deputy/officer vetting process, then we have to be willing to pay for it.
