If, like me, you had the misfortune of reading the Daily Herald’s recent report on the status of Elgin’s diversity program and subsequent unconscious bias training, then, like me, you’re clearly more confused than ever.

How that reporter can so consistently get it wrong – right down to restaurant names – is beyond baffling. But I suppose we should give her credit for a unique kind of effort and consistency.

To fill in those background blanks, diversity consultant Denise Baretto, a real piece of work, engaged in the kind of inauspicious social media commentary that should’ve had her ass summarily canned. But since race relations is a touchy topic in The City in the Suburbs these days, her company remains employed.

To be more specific, one of Baretto’s utterly unconscionable posts read, “If white women tried as hard to eliminate white supremacy as they try to lose weight, white supremacy would be ended.” Because all white women are fat and oblivious, right? And suddenly we’re all white supremacists, too!

I’m thinking the term “white privilege” would have been a wee bit more appropriate.

Not one to rest on her social media laurels, Baretto added, “We interrupt our amazing #fashionweek to officially tell people mad about Kap, Nike etc. to fuck yourselves.”

Nice! I’m thinking Ms. Baretto is the perfect choice to write an updated edition of “How to Make Friends and Influence People.” “Kap,” of course, was shorthand for former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

In that same piece, Baretto told the Daily Herald that she’s “being more careful with swear words on social media.” Ya think? That certainly makes her a leading candidate for The First Ward’s annual “Keen Perception of the Obvious” award.

As to the white women post, Baretto added, “I understand that people were offended, and I get it, but calling out racism is not racism. They are not equivalent.” No, they’re not! Because what she said – as an Elgin diversity consultant – is exponentially worse. At least unconscious biases are just that, unconscious. But Ms. Baretto left no doubt as to whether she’s a conscious racist.

Since no one could possibly make heads or tails of that DH article, I had an enlightening conversation with Elgin Communications Specialist, Molly Center. She explained that one of Baretto’s associates was finishing up the unconscious bias training wrapping up on 12/10, and her company’s contract with the city expires on 12/31.

I asked Center whether Elgin would rehire Baretto and she said, “One of our goals is supplier diversity, so issuing an RFP is always a possibility when considering new contracts, but that would be a council decision.” That’s code for, no, they won’t be bringing her back.

Upon offering my theory that, since EPD officer Jason Lentz was fired for a much milder social media post, wasn’t Baretto’s continued employment a double standard, I didn’t get much of a response, which was probably the correct response.

Reading between the lines with a number of off-the-record Elgin insiders, it would seem that, in the era of the Cynthia DeClements shooting, high level administrators are particularly nervous about Traci Elli’s reaction to that kind of firing.

Of course, Traci Ellis is the former disgraced U-46 school board member, self-appointed spokesperson for black folks everywhere, fiction author, and the woman who compared the American flag to toilet paper. Ellis does have a small, but very vocal posse who did their damndest to commandeer Wednesday’s city council meeting over an utterly untrue rumor (we’ll discuss that on Monday).

So, while I was about to chide Elgin for their disturbing lack of cojones in this regard, as my crazy-ass mother liked to say, “Discretion is always the better part of valor.” Perhaps letting Baretto simply fade away is the wiser choice, after all.

Meanwhile, I’m going to, once again, call on my favorite Illinois City (please don’t tell Aurora) to drop this unconscious bias training bullshit once and for all. Even if done correctly, it only puts folks directly into a bunker mentality that destroys staff morale, and it only makes them further dig in.

Not to mention that, as this diversity training debacle clearly demonstrates, it only supplants one set of unconscious biases with another.

Just when I thought the liberal outrage machine had all but sewn up the 2018 self-righteous indignation trophy, leave it to conservatives to snatch the title away with a scant 32 days left in the year.

In the midst of a somewhat heated Springfield House discussion regarding attorneys’ involvement in the ongoing lawsuits over the terrifying deaths of 13 residents at the Illinois Veterans Home in Quincy, Democratic Aurora State Rep Stephanie Kifowit said the following to outgoing Republican counterpart Peter Breen:

“I would like to make him a broth of Legionella and pump it into the water system of his loved one, so that they can be infected, they can be mistreated, they can sit and suffer by getting aspirin instead of being properly treated and ultimately die. And we are talking about our nation’s heroes.”

As you might imagine, wishing pestilence, suffering and death on a peer’s family didn’t go over very well, with the exception of it going viral and being picked up by every bleepin’ media outlet in the country.

Stephanie Kifowit

Of course, those General Assembly Republicans had a field day indulging in all sorts of shrieking, howling, and rending of garments as they called for Kifowit’s head. Not to be outdone in the outrage festivities, their conservative lackeys demanded Kifowit’s resignation as they compared her to Hitler, Stalin, and gasp, Hillary Clinton.

Was it the right thing to say? Of course not! And when Jeff Ward says it’s the wrong thing to say, it’s the wrong thing to say!

Did our State Rep initially err in trying to convince folks she was misinterpreted when it was etched in stone in the official House record? Yes, she did!

Was it a mistake to wait a day before finally issuing an apology? Yes, it was! But she did apologize.

But is it utterly disingenuous for Republicans and the conservative rabble to get completely bent out of shape over what they damn well know was a poorly chosen metaphor? You bet it is!

Under the guise of being the taxpayers’ flag bearer, Breen got a little flip when, in regard to the Quincy Home lawsuit issue, he quipped, “And, yes, we know the personal injury lawyers are going to make out like bandits, which they tend to do anytime they come to the General Assembly.”

Peter Breen

Hey Peter! There’s nothing quite like reducing 13 veterans’ deaths from blatant neglect to a financial equation, is there? You’re lucky Kifowit rescued your smart ass BS by saying something much worse.

It was at that point that Kifowit, a former marine who holds veteran’s causes near and dear to her heart, took offense at Breen’s cavalier attitude and issued her ill-chosen remark. Though I’m not defending her, and I’ve taken Ms. Kifowit to task on a number of occasions, because I actually have a brain, I understand why she said it.

We’re talking about a criminal investigation which may well result in murder charges against some high-level Rauner officials. Do you know what it’s like to die of pneumonia from Legionnaire’s disease? You basically drown in your own lungs. It’s a horrifyingly slow and painful death.

Furthermore, my good friend, decade long debate partner, and head of the Pro-Life Action League, Eric Scheidler, clearly understood what Kifowit was trying to do. He said, “Was she stating an actual intention? Of course not. This was hyperbole. But it crossed the line, and she should apologize.”

Exactly! And if Eric and I can finally manage to agree on something, it’s gotta be the truth! This was an error in judgement borne of passion, an apology should’ve been immediately issued, and that should’ve been the end of it.

But no! Republicans and conservatives just had to prove they can outdo the liberal Taliban.

Though it certainly doesn’t justify her comment, Agent Orange has issued a slew of similar proclamations, not the least of which was inciting violence against journalists. And the resounding silence from Republicans and conservatives everywhere has been quite deafening.

Make no mistake, that kind of silence is complete complicity.

I hold Kane County Auditor Terry Hunt, my State Rep Keith Wheeler, and my State Senator Jim Oberweis in the highest esteem, but I’ve been waiting two long years for  them to disassociate themselves from the plethora of President Trump’s similarly uncivil declarations, but it never seems to happen. Yet they had no problem piling on Ms. Kifowit yesterday.

I’m beyond disappointed in all of them.

You think you’ve seen everything in 12 years of journalism, but then you suddenly realize that’s not the case. I never thought I’d live to see the day when Republicans and conservatives would be exponentially more outraged by a politician’s utterly misguided statement than by the needless and criminal deaths of 13 veterans at the hands of the Rauner administration.

My fondest wish is, someday, those folks will redirect their artificial outrage into the same kind of passion Ms. Kifowit has for veterans’ well-being.

As it stands now, Republicans clearly love children until they’re born, and they love soldiers until they come home.

As a result of pursuing two stories all morning, Quick Hits will be postponed until tomorrow at which time we’ll discuss State Rep Stephanie Kifowit’s truly unfortunate use of a metaphor and the state of Elgin’s unconscious bias training program.

Until then!

I’ll say it again – I’m a man without a country. While I’m certainly no social conservative, every time my liberal brethren and sisteren speak, like a football fan embarrassed by his team’s dismal performance, I want to put a paper bag over my head so I can’t be identified as a fan.

This time, the progressive perpetual outrage machine targeted Sarah Michelle Gellar of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ fame. Apparently prone to Thanksgiving overindulgence, Ms. Gellar tweeted she’d post the ensuing 2007 photo of her semi-scantily clad self at various locations around her house to fend off that overeating urge.

And then the liberal Taliban immediately attacked her, accusing the actress of downright fat-shaming her overweight compatriots. One leftist loon responded thusly:

“Projecting the idea that we should restrict ourselves from eating food to be skinny is a dangerous and damaging mindset which clearly plagues the minds of many, including celebrities as it’s pretty apparent here.”

Oh, holy bleep, it’s called a flippin’ sense of humor. Hasn’t Donald Trump taught us that not every Tweet is a harbinger of impending social collapse? She wasn’t talking about “restricting food,” she was talking about not overeating.

First, if I was Ms. Gellar, I’d walk around naked everywhere, and I mean everywhere! The house, grocery store, post office, McDonald’s, Walmart, the symphony, and the DMV because something that magnificent should never be covered up. Before you hit the send button ladies, I’ve seen you swoon at a shirtless Chris Hemsworth faster than Donald Trump wilts at the sight of Vladimir Putin.

So, don’t give me any of that misogynistic crap – you’re just as bad!

Second, it was a joke intended to encourage herself and others to consider their health before going at the turkey like a starving leopard on a wounded wildebeest. And it was funny, too! The fact that she had some fun with the fact she’s not 30 any more makes her that much more adorable.

But no! The liberal Taliban, always ready for a new and interesting way of taking offense, just had to chime in and accuse Ms. Gellar of being the only reason young women have eating disorders. As is par for the course, Gellar issued the following mea culpa:

“I love Thanksgiving and unfortunately my eyes are often bigger than my stomach, and I tend to eat so much I make myself sick. This was a joking reminder to myself not to do that. I’m terribly sorry that people were offended by my attempt at humor.”

And we spiral down into the least common denominator one more time.

When 60 percent of American women are obese or overweight, and obesity is a leading cause of death, a humorous and self-deprecating reminder that moderation and reasonable exercise aren’t a bad thing can’t possibly be a bad thing.

Unless you’re a member of the liberal Taliban that is. Then you insist upon putting a figurative burka on Ms. Gellar because folks who don’t understand when to put the fork down might be offended.

This isn’t about fat shaming, it’s about being healthy and not dying before your time. Of course everyone should accept themselves for who they are because that’s the only place change starts, but an amusing reminder that we can all be a little bit better certainly isn’t cause for a verbal stoning.

To be offended by that tweet and photograph takes that special kind of Taliban entitlement mentality which demands that no one dare hurt my delicate feelings, even if it clearly wasn’t their intent. It demands the kind of bland sameness to which burkas always reduce their wearers.

I used to tell my conservative friends that the left wasn’t nearly as bad as the Tea Party, but I was wrong. And we somehow still manage to believe we’re so much better than the countries that marginalize women in that way. Trust me, we’re not, and this is all the evidence you need.

God, liberals suck!

The ghost of journalism past

So, last night we went to see author and humorist David Sedaris at Aurora’s splendiferous Paramount Theater. If you haven’t enjoyed the rare privilege of watching Mr. Sedaris masterfully apply satire, I would heartily encourage you to leap at the very next opportunity.

And I do love the Paramount, but I digress.

Only my longer-term readers will truly understand the irony of this, but as we turned right from our seats into the main aisle after the show, I suddenly found myself face-to-face with none other than former Kane County chairman and former state senator Karen McConnaughay.

For those who don’t know, Ms. McConnaughay may not have invented the art of pay-to-play, but she certainly perfected it, and former Beacon-News reporter Dan Campana and I exposed the former chairman for exactly who and what she is.

And the pallor that quickly engulfed her face as I stood a mere two feet from her was a clear indication that she was not at all happy to see me at all. And I’m such a nice guy, too!

The other unmistakable irony is, Mr. Sedaris’ dry and piercing wit is not unlike my own, but Ms. McConnaughay utterly failed to appreciate it when it was applied to her.

I’m thankful that the conversation continues

I know there are days I want to move on from this non-paying journalistic endeavor, but as my favorite holiday rapidly approaches, even after 12.5 long years of going at it, I’m incredibly grateful that you, dear reader, are still interested in what I have to say.

Not only that, but my favorite former managing editor called me yesterday to say the recent comment-based blog conversation was, as he put it, “superb.” And whether we agree or disagree, isn’t that the entire point?

Like so many of you, I’m bleepin’ tired of all the partisan shrieking, so it’s kinda nice to have a venue where the discourse is rational, civil, and frequently fascinating. And I certainly couldn’t do that without you!

So, it’s in that very vein that I must insist you all have an exceptional Thanksgiving. Quick Hit’s will resume Monday, November 26.

I swear this is going to be the final installment of this already-too-long three-part series even if we have to go into overtime!

To briefly review, in part one we covered the series of events that put the Geneva Teacher’s Union at the brink of a strike. Part two considered some of the letters D304 teachers sent to the School Board. As promised, part three will examine a real solution to a problem that needlessly pits teachers against taxpayers.

But before we go there, I’d like to clear something up first. A couple of blog commenters challenged me to point out the 2015 contract paragraph that stipulated the end of step and lane.

But that’s not what I said!

I simply noted the clause by which the union and board agreed to discuss the current D304 salary structure. That conversation, by definition, infers change because there’s really no need to negotiate an issue that’s already settled.

And the fact that the committee managed to get nowhere in 18 months of deliberations certainly seems to indicate some disingenuousness on the union’s part.

With that out of the way, onto the solutions:

1. Decouple school funding from local property taxes

This is the heart of the issue! This is what Geneva, and all Illinois teachers, should really be fighting for. Five Illinois counties – Lake, McHenry, DuPage, Kendall and Kane – are ranked in the top 30 property taxed counties in the country, so when I said “we’re all taxed out” in part two, there’s all the evidence you need.

If Michigan and Indiana can make a major shift in the funding reform direction, then so can we. We have a Democratic governor beholden to no one who enjoys the kind of General Assembly majorities to finally get the job done, too.

Perhaps the proceeds from legalized marijuana could ease property tax pain. It might mean a state property tax, too, but I’d take that over the current broken system hands down. A statewide property tax (with a healthy reduction in the local tax rate) would also provide a much more equitable school funding mechanism.

2. Break up the student loan-college tuition Ponzi scheme

And that’s exactly what it is – a Ponzi scheme by which colleges and universities can send tuition soaring as a result of an abundance of government backed money loaned to students at usurious rates.

As a college education continues to become less critical to future earning earnings, this “system” will eventually collapse under its own weight. But that doesn’t help the educators drowning in a sea of student debt right now.

Some federal Democrats have tried to get the loan reform ball rolling, but those recalcitrant Republicans have consistently blocked them. Ah! But there’s a new Congressional crew on their way to Washington and, as those midterm results indicated, anti-GOP sentiment is at an all-time high.

I’m not advocating for complete forgiveness, but there are several bills on the table that would greatly reduce the financial burden on those 44 million Americans facing $1.5 trillion in student loan debt.

This is another battle cry teachers should be taking up.

3. Market forces are in your favor

Though this isn’t the kind of solution where a collectively applied willpower will work, it’s worth noting that fewer teachers seeking jobs means salaries will naturally rise.

When my wife was hired by East Aurora in 2013, the district could pick and choose from up to ten candidates. Fast forward to 2018, and they can’t hire teachers. It’s gotten so bad that my wife was moved from math intervention to honors classes with a long-term sub taking her old spot.

Considering how conservatives love to use teachers as a punching bag, Texas is putting up interstate billboards to try to lure teachers to that state, Kansas can’t find enough teachers to fill their classrooms, and California is offering $7,000 bonuses plus moving expenses for educators willing to go west.

Our point three will have to unfold naturally, but were I a teacher, you better believe I’d be fighting for property tax and student loan reform. And teachers have the kind of unions and lobbyists that can really get that ball rolling. Just ask outgoing Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. He may have broken that state’s teacher’s union, but it was those well-organized educators who certainly had the last laugh.

It doesn’t necessarily take unions and lobbyists to effect that kind of change, either. When my wife was attending National Louis University, a Tribune expose on errant early graduation practices incited Illinois into banning the practice where a student could graduate one class short of a master’s degree.

The statutory shift was so devastating that a number of her classmates quit without finishing their degree. They knew that diving into the teacher pool with a master’s in the aftermath of the Great Recession was a great way to stay unemployed.

Not one to give up without a fight, one of my wife’s classmates and I worked very closely with NLU President Nivine Megahed to get Springfield to reverse course. And much to our surprise, they did!

Now, I’m sure other folks and other schools entered the fray, but it still amazes me how we made such an impact. Considering what Wisconsin teachers just did, and if a determined trio can pull off that kind of thing, I’m sure Illinois teachers are more than up to the task.

Because the teachers’ real enemies are an antiquated education funding mechanism and a student loan industry that’s more than willing to saddle college student with unsupportable debt. They certainly aren’t the Geneva School Board, whom I believe are doing their best, or the Geneva taxpayer, who’s already tapped out.

The truth is, teachers, taxpayers and school boards should be working toward the common goal of ensuring our children have the best possible educational opportunities before they walk into a global economy and deal with dizzying 24/7 digital world.

The bottom line is, after almost 3,000 words on the subject, I hope Geneva teachers are smart enough to find a way to avoid a strike. Because, like I said. the real battle has yet to be fought.

My regular readers are well aware of the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) request battle I’ve been waging with the Kane County State’s Attorney’s Office since May. To be fair, a miscommunication between the Attorney General’s Office and myself caused some delay, but Civil Division head Joe Lulves is responsible for the rest of it.

My goal is to get 200 pages – that’s right 200 pages – of sexual harassment complaints against a particular former prosecutor, who was terminated for his misogynistic behavior only when I finally caught onto him. Of course, the KCSAO is doing their damndest to keep those documents out of my hands.

The good news is, I’m winning the legal fight. The Public Access Counselor arm of the Attorney General’s Office found my appeal of the KCSAO FOIA denial so compelling they took the case under review.

To wit, you can find the KCSAO’s FOIA appeal defense here, and my rebuttal here.

And while it’s utterly fascinating to regularly beat Mr. Lulves on his own legal playing field, I want you to pay particular attention to the last paragraph of his appeal defense:

To be clear, this office will not release and does not authorize the release, of any of the document encompassed by Mr. Ward’s request for sexual harassment complaints absent a court order.

What Mr. Lulves is essentially saying is, should the Attorney General find in my favor, he will completely ignore that ruling and force me to take the KCSAO to court. Please think about that for a little while…

My entire theory about the KCSAO has been that they believe that, since they apply the law, it doesn’t apply to them. And that single sentence in Lulves’ reply says it all. They don’t give a rat’s ass if the Attorney General finds in my favor, they’re gonna do exactly what they want to do.

Of course, when you, my fellow Kane Countians are facing criminal charges, the KCSAO has an entirely different view of the situation. So, the next time you find yourself in a Kane County courtroom, I would encourage you to use my case as a defense. Because if the law doesn’t apply to them, then it certainly doesn’t apply to you, either!

On Tuesday, we covered the underpinnings of the current stalemate between the Geneva teacher’s union and the School Board which may well lead to a strike. I put the probability of a walkout at 50 percent, but having read the letters a variety of D304 educators sent the School Board, those odds increase every day there isn’t a settlement.

As promised, we’re going begin to get into why the Geneva Education Association is tilting their lances at the wrong windmills. Since this complex issue will likely lead to a lengthy column, and possibly a part three, let’s persist with our numbered list methodology. It’s much easier to digest this tough topic in smaller chunks.

But before we continue, let me, once again, clearly stipulate that my wife is a math interventionist in the East Aurora School District. So, I really don’t want to hear any of that anti-teacher bleep. I couldn’t possibly be more sympathetic to their plight, but unless we start from the truth, it’s much more difficult to make positive headway.

With that in mind, let’s consider those missives to the Board first:

1. Educational choices have consequences

About a year ago, a young Facebook friend was very excited about her decision to be an art history major. My response, “So, you won’t mind waiting tables for the rest of your life,” made her so mad she blocked me. That may have made her feel better, but I was telling her the truth.

Considering the insane cost of a college education (we’ll get to that), whenever I hear someone say they’re going to get a master’s in English literature, a philosophy Ph.D., or a journalism degree – and they’re gonna pay for it all with student loans – I want to beat them with a 2 by 4 until they come to their senses.

So, while I certainly admire the Geneva teacher who had the wherewithal to acquire two master’s degrees, if you really want your salary to be commensurate with that education, becoming a teacher was a really bad choice.

And I can say this with certainty as I sit here, once again, plying my beloved journalistic trade for free! Talk about a career change that didn’t work out well! But you don’t hear me bitching about it, either.

Do I think there’s a vast dichotomy between a teacher’s educational requirements and what they’re actually paid? Yes, I do! But my wife, and every last Geneva teacher, knew that going in. Sometimes doing what you love means sacrifice.

2. A troublesome entitlement mentality

One of the most difficult concepts to impart unto those formerly striking Kane County probation workers was, just because the County had a budget surplus, it doesn’t mean that money automatically goes to you. As it is with all government entities, there’s a long line of folks waiting for their slice of the pie.

So, when some sympathetic folks published that D304 had the money for raises without raising property taxes on Facebook, I wanted to quickly point out the flaw in their logic, but they’d turned off the comments on those posts.

BTW, spreading propaganda – and it was propaganda – without allowing comment is a really bad idea. How do I know? Because a surprising number of Genevans extended their utter dismay regarding that tactic through private means.

Thanks to the pre-Great Recession Mary Stith led school boards, D304 continues to face a mountain of debt from inexplicably building too many schools. The current board has done a magnificent job of paying down that debt, but those capital expense chickens will continue to come home to roost.

And as sure as McKinley Avenue will be packed at 7:30 every weekday morning, the state will continue to thrust unfunded mandates upon all school districts, older buildings will have to be maintained and updated, and support staff will want raises, too.

I’m not saying Geneva teachers don’t deserve more. In fact, I firmly believe educators should be paid far more than they are now (we’ll get to that). But one has to understand that teachers are but one of a School Board’s many responsibilities.

Considering that fiscal balancing act, to say salary increases won’t eventually affect property taxes is the worst kind of wishful thinking. And trust me, Genevans are all taxed out!

3. We’re all in the same economic boat

One of my favorite Geneva teachers lamented that he and his wife were driving cars with 190,000 miles on them. Welcome to the club! I’m driving a 2001 pickup truck with 130,000 miles and my wife heads to East Aurora every day in a 2008 Honda with 120,000 miles.

A number of those letters to the Board described the burden of student loan debt. I know! We’re paying off my wife’s student loan right now.

Another teacher complained of having to work summer jobs so she and her fiancé could make ends meet. But her base pay is $60,000 which is 15.4 percent more than the average American worker makes. So, that argument certainly won’t gain any traction.

Another common theme was that it’s very expensive to live in Geneva. I know! I live here too! But you all keep reelecting a mayor who never met a tax increase or fee hike he didn’t like. And because they help him campaign, he generally gives the city employee unions everything they want.

Meanwhile, 13 of the 21 Geneva Township precincts went for Governor Rauner who’s as anti-teacher and anti-union as it gets. It would seem that some teachers have no problem voting against their own best interest.

But the bottom line is, we understand because we’re right there with you.

4. The board is not playing games

This is the point that bothers me the most. While I fervently believe some Geneva School Board members have far more merit than others, I’ve never doubted their dedication to the district, their constituents, or D304 teachers.

Serving on a school board is an incredibly difficult and thankless task because you’re dealing with folks’ two most precious commodities – their children and their bank accounts. Not only that but, done correctly, that non-paying gig can quickly turn into a full-time endeavor.

So, when I hear Geneva teachers say the school board is playing games with the union, my sympathy for their cause plummets dramatically. What point would there be to engage in the kind of gamesmanship that would likely result in a strike? No one comes out of that unscathed.

5. Public sentiment is not on your side

Who doesn’t love Geneva teachers? And I’m sure it’s gratifying to see all those supportive signs on front lawns. But as a reasonably successful campaign manager, I tell my candidates that, just because someone says they’re behind you doesn’t mean it’s true.

Voters will tell you what you want to hear just to get rid of you and get back to their lives. But then they tell me how they really feel. And what they’re really thinking right now is teachers deserve some sort of raise, but if they strike, that sympathy will rapidly shift to the school board.

Put more simply, if D304 teachers do walk out, it will take them at least a decade to recover politically. Please understand, I’m simply the messenger and not the message.

So, there will be a part three likely on Monday (11/19). In that installment we’ll cover the real answer to the teacher salary structure conundrum and those usurious student loan payments.

Having lived in Geneva for 21 long years, I’ve been more that a bit baffled by the current animosity between the D304 teacher’s union and the School Board. It wasn’t that long ago that the board basically rubber stamped anything the teachers asked for, and suddenly we’re facing a second potential strike in a scant 10 years?

Though you couldn’t have convinced me of this a month ago, as it stands right now, I firmly believe there’s a 50 percent chance our teachers will walk out. And I’m basing that prediction on a lengthy conversation with an insider who expertly explained exactly why we are where we are right now.

I promise I will endeavor to simplify a rather complex situation:

1. Why D304 starting salaries are lower

The last teacher’s contract (2015 – 2018) included an automatic 2.65 percent annual raise for EXISTING teachers. Previous contracts contained similar provisions. So, what this dynamic did was create an expanding chasm between new and current teacher salaries, because starting pay remained virtually unchanged by default.

So, the news reports that made it appear as if the Board made a conscious decision to offer a lower introductory rate were dead wrong.

2. The Board wanted to address the starting salary issue once and for all

Seeing that growing salary schism, and with Springfield constantly mucking up the works, the School Board added a 2015 contract provision that called for the creation of a committee tasked with revamping the remuneration model once and for all. And the teacher’s union agreed to that stipulation.

3. The task force couldn’t come to a consensus

Despite 18 long months of negotiations, the committee, consisting of Geneva Education members (teachers), School Board members, and district administrators, could not come to terms. That meant, per the 2015 contract, the salary structure conundrum was automatically tossed into the new contract negotiations.

So, not only are the board and teacher’s union discussing pay increases, but an entirely new way of doing business. That may well be the definition of a Herculean task.

4. Many D304 teachers want to go back to the old salary/step and lane system

I understand, but that’s not going to happen, because a deal is a deal. When every school district was renegotiating teacher contracts during the Great Recession, the citizens of Geneva and the School Board kept their end of the bargain. And if the teachers are upset with the current reality, they need to take it up with their union reps and not the school board.

5. They’ve been negotiating a new contract since February

If you add 18 months to 9 more, that’s more than two years of salary structure futility, which doesn’t bode well for the future. My 50 percent walkout prediction is derived from combing that impasse with the fact that no teacher really wants to strike.

6. Then Springfield made it much more difficult

In the middle of all of this, the General Assembly changed the rules. That never happens, right? Though, in this particular case, I think they were dead on.

Tired of rampant pension spiking, they passed a statute mandating that, for every dollar a retiring teacher is paid above a 3 percent annual increase, the district would have to send $17 back to the state! It’s not unlike Major League Baseball’s luxury tax which kicks in whenever a team goes over a certain salary level.

For the uninitiated, “pension spiking” is the practice by which a school district might provide as much as a 20 percent salary increase in a teacher’s final year. It was a negotiating ploy that artificially bumped their pension and put the financial burden on the state, and not local taxpayers.

And that three percent baseline includes everything; even stipends for running after school clubs. As you might image, the School Board does not want to pay a “luxury tax” under any circumstances, which further complicates the negotiating process.

Since your brain probably hurts just as much as mine does right now, we’ll continue this conversation tomorrow or Thursday when I’ll explain why the Geneva Education Association is directing their energy and anger at the wrong targets.

I wuz gonna do an analysis to explain how the Kane County and Aurora Democrats are clearly mistaking a tailwind for talent, but even I’m tired of politics, so why don’t we mix it up and do something different! We’ll save the politics for Wednesday.

And women say men don’t listen!

This was the actual running conversation in the Ward household Saturday morning:

Me: Dearest, I’ll take Ben to work this morning because I’m making lasagna tonight and I’ll need to pick up a few things at Meijer.

Her: Oooo! That sounds good.

(15 minutes later)

Her: If I can get ready in time (like that would ever happen) I’ll take Ben to work.

Me: No! I’m taking him to work because I have to pick up a few things at Meijer.

(15 minutes later)

Her: I need to get gas. If I can get ready in time (like that would ever happen), I’ll take Ben to Meijer.

Me: For the third time, I need to pick up stuff for dinner, so unless you want to do the shopping, I need to go to Meijer.

Her: I don’t remember you telling me any of that. But alright. If I can get ready in time (like that would ever happen), I’ll take Ben to Meijer and pick up those items.

Me: Fine! I’ve written down what we need.

(Three minutes later)

Her: I just looked at the clock and there’s no way I’ll be ready in time. You’ll have to take Ben to Meijer.

Me: If your nefarious plan is to drive me so crazy that I have to be institutionalized, it’s working.

It reminds me of the old Billy Preston song, ‘Will it go Round in Circles.” There certainly does seem to be a lot of wasted time here. What is it with women and the squirrel trying to cross Randal Road at rush hour attempts at logic? At this point, I’m looking forward to being institutionalized.

After that conversation, I don’t want to hear another woman complain that men don’t listen – EVER!

You’re supposed to miss the uprights!

This is yet another case of something I thought I’d never have to explain. But Bears’ placekicker Chris Parkey somehow managed to do it four separate times on Sunday. I’ve never seen a kicker hit the uprights twice in a game, much less do it four times.

It got so bad that Bears’ coach Matt Nagy went for a two-point conversion after their final touchdown instead of having to watch Parkey complete the five-peat.

As a result of his unerring inaccuracy, I was convinced the Bears would cut him loose this morning. But apparent a four-year contract with $9 million guaranteed means never having to say you’re sorry – or make a field goal – or make and extra point.

So, here’s a thought! In the ‘Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,’ The late great Douglas Adams explained that humans might fly thusly:

There is an art, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day and try it.

Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it! So, my advice to Mr. Nagy would be to actually aim for the upright because he’d surely miss.

How about respecting the process yourself?

I’m no fan of Detroit Lions coach Matt Patricia because he’s not a very good coach and he generally makes up for it by being a bully. A perfect example of his churlishness is chiding a reporter for his poor posture when asked how trading star receiver Golden Tate benefited the team.

Patricia’s Trump press conference playbook response to that inquiry was:

Ah, well, you know. Do me a favor just kinda sit up, just like, have a little respect for the process. Every day you come and ask me questions and you’re just kinda like you know, ‘gimme this.’

So, when did NFL press conferences become black tie affairs? Have any of you actually seen a sportswriter? They’re certainly not known for their snappy attire.

And as far as honoring the process goes, I was rather disappointed with the comportment of the Lions as the Bears handed them their asses in the first half. It started with linebacker Jarrad Davis tackling Mitch Trubisky six years out-of-bounds and ended with a number of beyond absurd pass interference penalties.

Had the Lions maintained their composure, they might’ve able to take advantage of the Bears incessant second half largesse.

Not only that, but regularly having to look at Patricia on the sidelines solicited two recurring thoughts. First, it’s called a razor. I too, have a beard, but I have no idea who decided that the “I clearly no long give a shit about myself” look was cool.

And second, he might want to consider putting the fork down on occasion. When you’re coaching the best athletes on the planet, you might want to set an example. I’m not saying you have to look like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, but you might want to avoid comparisons to Chris Christie.

Don’t worry! Patricia won’t make it through the 2019 season.