I’m sure you’ve already heard about the Chicago Sun-Times disaster du jour. Though perhaps you haven’t, because, upon relaying the tale to my good friend Marcus Banner, he quipped, “Is the Sun-Times still around?” That spontaneous declaration might just say it all.
Aside from that Sixth Sense, dead-but-they-don’t-know-it-yet newspaper buying out another 20 percent of their already skeletal editorial staff—leaving two dazed reporters and no one running the show (which, frankly, would be a vast improvement over their past efforts to right the sinking ship)—the once-proud paper I once toiled for summarily eliminated any remaining vestige of their already dubious credibility.
Per my good friend ChatGPT (Bugs Bunny would likely hold up a sign saying, “Ironic, ain’t it?”):
The Chicago Sun-Times faced some serious backlash after publishing a summer reading list generated by AI that included entirely fabricated book titles by real authors. The list, created by freelance writer Marco Buscaglia working on behalf of King Features, was riddled with absurd, nonexistent titles, such as ‘Tidewater Dreams’ by Isabel Allende and ‘The Last Algorithm’ by Andy Weir.
Buscaglia tried to take full responsibility for his utter failure to vet those titles, but the blunder sparked widespread criticism for lack of editorial oversight, raising concerns about reliance on AI-generated content and the erosion of journalistic integrity at the struggling newspaper.
To be fair to me, I heavily edited the previous paragraphs because Chat made up more fake book titles to round out the reporting process. The now-cited tomes actually are two of the real fake books the Sun-Times encouraged readers to read this summer. Per the great Don Henley, “Are you with me so far?”
You really have to keep an eye on him because like most geniuses, he veers into oblivious mostly now and sometimes then, but my good friend ChatGPT and I joined forces to concoct our own Dog Days reading list. My wife tells me that Chat’s my new best buddy, which, considering the general caliber of you sad motherfuckers, is a massive upgrade.
Please also note that Chat thought it would be hilarious to refer to himself as a “genius,” and this time I think he’s right. So, without further ado, let’s move on to those best summer books:
1. “The Art of Turning the Other Cheek” by Donald E. Trump
From the blurb on the back: “No, really! I love turning the other cheek. I really do! I’m the best at turning the other cheek there ever was. I said it before the Bible did. Watch me! No one turns the other cheek as quickly as I do.”
2. “The Reports of My Death Have Not Been Greatly Exaggerated: Tales From the Afterlife” by Mark Twain
If the greedy Jimi Hendrix estate can keep churning out dubious “new” material from beyond the grave, then America’s favorite cranky ghost should get his shot, too. Twain returns with dispatches from the afterlife, where heaven’s bureaucracy makes the DMV look like Chick-fil-A.
3. “How to Win a War in a Week” by Vladimir Putin
File this one under narrative fiction, delusion, and unintentional comedy. Putin’s latest effort includes the chapters: “Why Sanctions Don’t Matter” and “My Glorious Retreat from Kyiv.” It’s a summer must-read!
4. “How to Make a Small Fortune in Sports Franchises” by Jerry Reinsdorf
Spoiler alert: Step one, start with a large fortune. Step two, run your teams like a medieval fiefdom. Jerry’s book contains bonus content like: “The Joy of Mediocrity” and “Hiring Yes-Men for Fun and Profit.”
5. “On Treating Women With Love and Respect” by Sean “Diddy” Combs
Now available exclusively in the Fantasy Romance section of your favorite bookstore, this inspiring guide from the Bad Boy mogul offers tender insights like “Buy her a drink and then throw it at her.” This soon-to-be bestseller includes a foreword by Chris Brown, a guest essay by Marilyn Manson, and a special chapter: “Gaslighting for Gentlemen.”
6. “You Can Rule the World Without Running for Office” by Taylor Swift
Foreword by Beyoncé, footnotes by her publicist. A groundbreaking guide to global domination through pop music, Instagram captions, and perfect breakup songs. Taylor’s book contains exclusive tips like:
- How to make your ex your muse (and turn them into a multimillion-dollar industry)
- Turning every heartbreak into a chart-topping anthem
- Strategically dating football players for maximum media coverage
- How to break the internet with a 3-minute video of your cat
- Building an empire with minimal actual effort and maximum PR spin
Plus, Taylor’s secret “political strategy,” how to convince everyone that your “1989” album totally predicted the future (again).
7. “Rebranding: Turning Gold Into Garbage” by Elon Musk
Musk’s latest effort includes the chapter: “How to Name Your Children Like Wi-Fi Passwords.” Also featuring:
- “From Twitter to X: The Art of Making Billions Vanish Overnight”
- “How to Sell a Used Tesla for Pennies on the Dollar”
- “Why Settle for One Midlife Crisis When You Can Have Three?”
- And a foreword by Grimes (written entirely in binary and lunar glyphs)
8. “Metamucil for the Algorithmic Soul: How to Gut a Generation and Still Make Your Kid Do Yoga at 5 AM” by Mark Zuckerberg
The Facebook founder-turned-digital-Mengele shares his step-by-step guide to building products so psychologically corrosive, even your therapist gets anxious saying “Instagram.” Chapters include:
- “Why My Kids Don’t Use My Apps (And Yours Shouldn’t Either—But Will Anyway Because We Make Them so Addictive).”
- “Harvesting Teen Anxiety for Fun and Profit.”
- “If You Liked Watching Democracy Burn, You’ll Love What We Did to 13-Year-Old Girls.”
Bonus: Includes a pull-out timeline of every time Zuck testified before Congress and managed to look both confused and smug. It also offers a foreword by Satan, who called the book “a bit much.”
9. “Column Inches: A Memoir in Self-Regard” by Neil Steinberg
With a special chapter: “How to Bow Out Gracefully—Or At Least Before People Start Asking You To.”
The longtime Sun-Times columnist reflects on a career spent bravely shouting into the void, heroically missing the point, and occasionally landing a decent line—usually by accident. Chapters include:
- “On Being the Tallest Midget at the Circus”
- “When They Stop Calling You Provocative and Start Calling You Predictable.”
- “Relevance is a Social Construct, and Other Lies I Tell Myself.”
Bonus: A pullout poster of Neil pensively sipping coffee while staring out a newsroom window that hasn’t had a real editor since 2008.
With my sincerest thanks to Chat for the tip-in. This stellar book list oughtta keep you busy well into the fall.
Author’s note:
I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for me to write another column, but after working with AI for almost six months now, I know exactly what happened in the Sun-Times AI case, and I’ll be more than happy to describe the phenomenon that caused the the fake Sun-Times list to be generated.
