Fuckin’ MAGA snowflakes!

A few stipulations before we proceed!

First, though there are no guarantees, I’ll do my best to keep the “fuckers” and “motherfuckers” to a minimum, What’s conspiring against me is Trump supporters are so fucking (oops!) stupid that those are two of the few words they actually understand.

Second, to quote another idiot Republican president, “to be perfectly clear,” I’m not all that concerned with another Trump presidency. Sure, I’m disappointed my candidate lost, but per his brand new VP, he didn’t do shit the first time and he’s not going to do shit this time either because he’s incapable of doing shit. It’s the absurdly idiotic Trump supporters who concern me.

Third, I’m no fan of Geneva Alderman and City of Aurora “innovation” employee Martha Paschke. For better or worse, Martha has managed to rise well above her level of competency and her stilted variety of progressive politics is often terrifying. Her greatest hits include outing her children’s sexuality on social media and defending her daughter for wearing a tank top to school while she forced us to wear masks.

Thus, it pains me to have to defend her, but such is the price of having a moral center, something Trump supporters couldn’t possibly understand.

Did Alderman Paschke make a mistake when a Facebook group she partially administered called for a boycott of Tri-Cities businesses that supported Trump? Yes! But not because of the list itself. A sitting city councilperson should generally refrain from issuing embargos against the very local enterprises she was elected to support.

But Martha has never been the smartest banana in the bunch, and in the words of Dick Cheney (and my new favorite reader Vicky D.), “So?” If that list is what gets your underwear in a political bunch then you either have too much time on your hands or you love to be offended or both.  

Paschke argued she had nothing to do with posting that lineup and she’s an admin in name only, but a surprising source told me there’s a bit more to it than that. Regardless, when you look at the general imbecility of MAGAism, Martha doesn’t nearly make the low IQ Hall of Fame cut which is really saying something!

The incredible irony is this “hit list” was initially inserted into a closed group with all of 1,700 members. That means, if you weren’t a member, you didn’t see it. Well…you didn’t see it until piece-of-shit radio host and destroyer of GOP candidates everywhere, Dan Proft, got ahold of it. He then proceeded to post it on one of his fake newspaper websites for everyone to see, and thanks to that stupidity, I’ll be printing it at the end of this piece.

Then Proft had the nerve to claim it was the work of the “Illinois Political Ruling Class goon squad.”

Really? Isn’t this the same jackass who regularly calls for boycotts against any entity that even slightly disturbs his delicate sensibilities? Doesn’t he print voter lists to intimidate conservatives into voting? The sub-irony there is no one’s done more to create the “Illinois Political Ruling Class” than Proft himself. If you want to lose an election just get Dan’s support.

He and his brain-dead partner should stick to making fun of special needs children. You’d think Ms. Jacobsen would get tired of being fired, but apparently she isn’t.

And that, my friends, thrusts us directly into our second and much larger irony. Can you say “Dixie Chicks?” I knew you could!

All those women said was George W. Bush wasn’t “their president” and all fuckin’ hell broke loose. Their CDs were bulldozed, southern radio stations banned them, and the right did everything they could to cancel the group. I’m convinced that stupid shit was the catalyst for the left’s infamous Cancel Culture.

Doesn’t your goddamned bible say “As ye reap, so shall ye sow?” Fucking idiots!

Boycotts have always been a part of the political lexicon. They’re a tried-and-true method of creating non-violent change. But the right has turned the process into the kind of art form where they’ll cancel their own mothers if they sneeze wrong. Do we really need to get into Colin Kaepernick, too? All he did was take a knee. Meanwhile conservatives applauded clearly gay Chiefs’ placekicker Harrison Butker for blatantly dismissing women everywhere. There’s no double standard there, is there?

If I included the links to all of the proudly posted conservative website boycott lists, we’d be here ‘til fuckin’ Christmas. They’re everywhere! But when the MAGA folks got ahold of Paschke’s group’s post, failing to see the vast irony in their chickenshit declarations, they had the nerve to call it a “Demonic Nazi hitlist” and make all manner of bullshit threats. The irony there is we all know that Trump supporters are the real National Socialists.

Paschke’s mistake, which was completely lost on 98 percent of the gone-completely-ape-shit-shit-for-brains snowflake responders, was that choosing to be an elected official limits your free speech options. Donald Trump really oughtta consider that someday.

Of course, Naperville Attorney, Lynda Segneri, who doesn’t even live in Geneva and clearly can’t bring in enough clients to keep her busy, filed a three-page ethics complaint against Paschke with the City. The irony there is, considering Mayor Burns is a walking ethics violation, Geneva is where ethics complaints go to die.

That finally brings us to the businesses who are so incredibly imbecilic they believe it’s a good idea to alienate half of their potential customers just because they can. If you’re so fucking stupid that you don’t understand the essential nature of a commercial enterprise, then you should go out of business because you’re too fucking stupid to be in it!

How many times do I have to repeat this story? People have persistently pressed NBA Hall of Famer Michael Jordan to be more political. His response to that question is always the same; “Republicans buy sneakers, too!”

Yes! How fuckin’ difficult is it to grasp the notion that, with rare exception, the point of any commercial endeavor is to be as welcoming as possible. If you want to take a political stand then perhaps you should do something really stupid like becoming an opinion columnist.

Just to put the icing on the stupid cake, in addition to openly supporting Trump, Ashley and Matt Marquez, owners of the “targeted” Moveable Feast in Wheaton, put up a post-election banner reading “Jesus is my savior” and “Trump is my President”

First, not even Jesus could save you two. Second, being a Christian and a Trump supporter are mutually exclusive “ideals.” And third, please tell me you have no plans to reproduce because any progeny of yours would bring the collective national IQ down by at least 26 points. 

Yes! The First Amendment guarantees your right to put up a Trump sign, but in no way does it protect you from the consequences of that “speech.” If you support a candidate as repulsive as Trump is, then I have the right to spend my money elsewhere and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

So, here’s the list village idiot Proft so helpfully posted on the Net:

•         Rookies (St. Charles, IL)
•         Dukes (St. Charles, IL)
•         Big Hearts of Fox Valley (Supported by Excel Automotive)
•         Moveable Feast (Wheaton, IL)
•         Napleton Chevrolet (St. Charles, IL)
•         Bear Republic (Elgin, IL)
•         Gun Barrel Coffee (Batavia, IL)
•         Eddie Gaedel (Elburn, IL)
•         Arcedium Coffeehouse (St. Charles, IL)
•         Colonial Cafe 
•         Copper Fox  
•         Foxfire  
•         Excel Automotive 
•         Heinz Bros. (St. Charles, IL)
•         The Office (St. Charles, IL)
•         Luau Coffee (Elburn, IL)
•         Sonny Acres (West Chicago, IL)
•         Peerless Fence  
•         Prestige Imports 
•         Fox Valley Buick/GMC 
•         Lucky Joe’s (Batavia, IL)
•         Village Squire (South Elgin, IL)
•         Whiskey Bend (St. Charles, IL)

For all of the obvious reasons, I’d also like to add:

•         Cherry Creek Mortgage (St. Charles, IL)
•         Young Mechatronics (Park Ridge, IL)
•         Mussolini Hardware – I mean Home Depot

My plan is to gleefully avoid every last one of those emporiums and I’d encourage anyone with a minimal moral center to do the same.

Did Martha Paschke make a mistake? Yes! Because it’s what she does. But it hardly rises to the level of the unbelievable stupidity and unbounding hypocrisy of a political movement whose patron saint:

•         Sells us out to the Russians in a heartbeat
•         Pays to sleep with a porn star because she looks like his underage daughter
•         Gleefully uses bigotry, hate, and fascism as weapons
•         Runs every business he’s ever owned into bankruptcy
•         Robs businesses that are foolish enough to do business with him
•         Is a convicted serial felon
•         Steals classified documents
•         Has the emotional maturity of a six-year-old
•         Lies with ease that most of us breathe

So, no! I can’t get nearly as excited over a silly mistake on the part of a lowly Geneva alderman. 

Ah! But the second anyone doles out a tenth of the vitriol they regularly spew by pointing out these motherfuckers’ minimal IQs, short memories, and massive hypocrisy, these MAGA snowflake morons run bawling to their mommies because someone hurt their feelings.

Goddamn motherfucking snowflake reprobates!