Proving a politician’s persistent hypocrisy rarely requires breaking a journalistic sweat, but when it comes to Illinois Governor Pointless, all you have to do is sit back and watch!
In yet another effort to prove that progressives are just the flip side of the blind Trump supporter coin, after I noted how Pritzker’s family visited their Wisconsin farm in mid-May despite the Governor’s specific Cheesehead State travel ban, a reader demanded proof of more recent hypocrisy.
Apparently, that trip didn’t count! I suppose I’ll never understand nanny-stater math. But since I’m always up to the providing-the-requisite-evidence-challenge task, here you go my addled progressive readers:
1. Pritzker’s wife and daughter travel to their Wisconsin Farm
Yep! This one still counts! Despite his own travel ban, Pritzker’s wife and daughter travelled to their Wisconsin farm in mid-May when the pandemic was at its deadliest. Governor Pointless tried to brush this hypocrisy aside by claiming it was “essential travel,” though I suppose J. B. running out of brats could be considered a State emergency. No family pet would be safe.
2. The George Floyd protests must go on!
When some IL Republicans requested a permit for a masked, socially distanced, outdoor gathering at a rural farm, Governor Pointless rent his garments, gnashed his teeth, and declared that kind of heresy would never occur on his watch! Then, not only did he put his imprimatur on those George Floyd protests, but he actively participated. When the GOP called out this duplicity, he tried to deflect it by attacking them for supporting Trump.
3. We MUST celebrate Trump’s defeat!
When IL Republicans requested a permit for a masked, socially distanced, outdoor gathering at a rural farm, Governor Pointless rent his garments, gnashed his teeth and declared that kind of heresy would never occur on his watch! Then, not only did he put his imprimatur on those Biden victory celebrations, but he took a victory lap through those non-socially distanced Chicago streets himself. Please note that some of his newest best friends weren’t wearing masks either.
4. His family is going to Florida for Thanksgiving!
Yes! When an NBC reporter pressed the Governor to explain his family’s Thanksgiving plans, he dodged that question more adeptly than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers. When asked if his family have already left for Florida, Pritzker responded, “I think you already know we have a place in Florida,” which means they’ve already travelled there. And all this comes after the Guv personally shaded the Sunshine State a bright orange avoid-at-all-costs COVID hotspot.
5. Pritzker was at a Lake Geneva restaurant with no mask!
A scant two weeks ago, when the “surge” got legs, one of my favorite attorneys saw the Governor at an indoor table for twelve, and not a single one of ‘em were wearing a mask. Do I really have to explain what wrong with that picture?
With all this beyond-a-reasonable-doubt evidence in hand, all I’m gonna say to the reader who asked me to prove Governor Pointless’ vast “recent” hypocrisy is, “Your Honor! The prosecution rests!” And if those plague mitigations don’t apply to he and his family, then we mere peasants are exempt from them, too!
So! As the duly self-appointed ringleader of the rebellion (I’ve always wanted to be a Mandalorian!), I’m issuing an official manifesto allowing our bars and restaurants to move forward with indoor service, our gyms to remain open, our “retail shops” to admit as many flippin’ Christmas shoppers as they see fit, and you can get your asses to church because some of y’all really need to beg for forgiveness!
Oh! And everyone’s invited to my house for thanksgiving – you can bring the mashed potatoes.
This is the way!