Quick Hits – Was I just sexually harassed?

As if life wasn’t good enough already, not only do we have Dave Chappelle’s brilliant new comedy special, but Bill Burr’s recently released ‘Paper Tiger’ is equally as good. His bit about how today’s feminists will inevitably react to the first male “First Lady” is bleepin’ hilarious.

But I found another one of his riffs particularly fascinating, too. I won’t go into the specific details because they’re kind of gross, but his recounting of being blatantly sexually harassed by a female celebrity was both funny and profound. The incident clearly gave Burr a far greater understanding of what women have had to endure.

He doesn’t say who the harasser was, but I’ve figured it out. And I just had a similar, but somewhat less troubling experience.

But before we go there, it’s important to note that, despite my self-professed perfection, I’ve been trying to improve myself on a number of levels. After years of abysmally crooked teeth, I’m in the final Invisalign stages and the results have been nothing short of miraculous.

Inspired by Johnny Lee Miller’s ‘Elementary’ wardrobe and tired of t-shirts, I signed onto Stitch Fix and that transformation has been equally amazing. It’s kinda nice to have random people compliment you on your attire.

So, I was recently at an event where most, but not all of the people know each other to varying degrees. And shortly into the proceedings, a woman walked up to me, said “That’s a really nice shirt” as she firmly ran her open palm down the entire front length of it.

I can’t tell you how hard it is to live with that level of irresistibility.

Now, I was a bit taken aback by the gesture, but in the end, I was more amused than annoyed. Though that’s not the word I’d use to describe my wife’s reaction to it when I told her on the way home.

Of course, my first thought was, “What dire fate would befall me if I had similarly ‘complimented’ one of the female participants – and my wife didn’t manage to get her hands on me first?” I would be summarily arrested, charged and convicted, but that wouldn’t be the least of my worries.

I’d soon have my own hashtag, the news coverage would be endless, and women would scream at me on the street on my way to being completely convicted in the court of female public opinion. It’s a fascinating double standard, isn’t it?

Before you hit the send button, in no way am I minimizing male sexual harassment. My regular readers are well aware of the vast amount time and money I’ve put into exposing rampant sexual harassment in the Kane County State’s Attorney’s Office. But shouldn’t what happened to Bill Burr and I be taken just as seriously?

Boundaries are boundaries, right?

But we all know my complaint would simply be dismissed because today’s brand of feminism, which damages women beyond anything any man could ever do, utterly marginalizes men, and especially boys, with the “toxic masculinity” label. The MeToo# movement requires no evidence whatsoever before embarking upon another one of their gleeful public lynchings.

Their motto is quite simple – “Women Good, Men Bad.” And by the way, who raises boys?

The truth is, bullies and predators come in all shapes, sizes, and sexes. Have any of y’all seen how women treat other women, particularly on social media? Yikes! And this incessant neo-feminist bullying is every bit as insidious as the males who’ve preyed upon women in the workplace, most notably in our school systems where there’s a concerted effort to turn boys into girls.

As a result of being consistently chastised for the most benign masculine traits and being forced to sit still for six hours a day, boys are failing at an alarming rate. Here are some frightening statistics:

• 70 percent of ADHD diagnoses are boys
• Boys are suspended more than twice as often as girls
• Boys are expelled three times as often as girls
• Boys get 70 percent of the Ds and Fs and 40 percent of As
• 80 percent of high school dropouts are male
• 22 states have criminalized male adolescent behavior

In the introduction to her amazing book, ‘The War Against Boys,’ Christina Hoff Sommers writes:

This book explains how it became fashionable to pathologize the behavior of millions of healthy male children. We have turned against boys and forgotten a simple truth: the energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal males are responsible for much of what is right in the world. No one denies that boys’ aggressive tendencies must be mitigated and channeled toward constructive ends. Boys need (and crave) discipline, respect, and moral guidance. Boys need love and tolerant understanding. But being a boy is not a social disease.

And what happened after it was published? Feminists forced the publisher to change the subtitle from ‘How Misguided Feminism is Harming Our Young Men’ to ‘How Misguided Policies…’ And I thought men were supposed to be the epitome of evil!

But clearly, I wuz wrong!

The bottom line is, both men and women are exceptionally equal when it comes to promoting themselves, their own interests, and their stilted agendas. Maybe that’s a commonality we should actually be celebrating – I think!

As for me, I suppose inexorable allure is yet another burden I’m gonna have to live with for the rest of my life. Though, I’m thinking I should tone down the wardrobe a bit. After all, I was wearing shorts at the time!