Quick Hits – Elgin’s Beavis and Butthead strike back!

Quick Hits – Elgin’s Beavis and Butthead strike back!

Apparently miffed that Elgin Mayor Dave Kaptain’s proposed ethics ordinance would make it virtually impossible for their boy, Baldemar Lopez, to serve on the City Council, self-proclaimed “citizen activists” Jose Bosque and Anthony Ortiz struck back by filing ethics complaints against Councilpeople Terry Gavin and Rose Martinez.

Never mind that Lopez’ gig as a registered Springfield lobbyist would bar him from a Chicago aldermanic seat, and the Second City ain’t exactly renowned for taking heroic ethical stands.

So, our dynamic duo’s first course of action was to FOIA Gavin’s city emails and, be still my beating heart, they found a March missive extolling the virtue of certain city council candidates.

That’s it?

When you consider his fascinating antics, if best thing you can come up with on Councilman Gavin is an errant email, then you’re not really trying. On the standardized Gavin ethical lapse scale of one to ten, that email comes in at about a negative 8.

Beavis and Butthead

But the truly hilarious irony is, having to review thousands of Gavin emails can only be considered the kind of cruel and unusual punishment that should immediately be banned by the UN. C’mon! He had to be half in the bag for most of ‘em.

Never one to simply smile and let stupidity go, Gavin proclaimed, “I’ve discussed it with lawyers, and I’ve been told its not electioneering.”

If that’s really the case Terry, then your “legal team” clearly consists of graduates from that halcyon Elgin institution, Vito’s School of Beauty and Legal Emporium, because it is patently illegal to send a city email endorsing any candidate, and you will be fined for doing so.

And just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any better, it does!

Bosque and Ortiz continued their crusade by complaining that, since she was a U-46 school bus driver at the time, Martinez should have recused herself from a vote on a proposed school bus depot on Chicago Street. Why, they the temerity to say the scurrilous Martinez had the cojones to take 10 grand in campaign contributions from sandwich giant Jimmy John’s, who later sought parking restrictions near their downtown Elgin location.

The problem with their first theory is, Martinez wasn’t there for the bus depot vote, but even if she was, what did she have to gain? A firm pat on the back from U-46 CEO Tony Sanders for taking part in what turned out to be a unanimous vote?

Tony may be a great guy, but I wouldn’t even drive half-a-block for that “perk.”

In yet another massive irony, when someone pointed out that Councilman Carol Rauschenberger also toils for U-46, Bosque and Ortiz were rendered completely speechless, a momentous occasion which immediately improved their community standing by a factor of 10.  Rest assured, dear readers, the Nobel Prize committee won’t be looking into those two any time soon.

As for the Jimmy John’s “scandal,” Those contributions came from the sandwich chain’s founder’s parents, not owner James Liautaud himself. That means there’s absolutely no conflict of interest.

And please think about it! Ten thousand dollars to secure parking limitations? That may well be the worst case of overspending since Kim Kardashian paid 50 grand for that gold-plated Kanye West Chia Pet. The Liautauds could’ve bought and sold Councilmen Tish Powell and Corey Dixon for just ten bucks a pop.

Which reminds me! Hey, Corey! When’s your next vote buying…I mean free giveaway event? I can’t wait!

But believe it or not, Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee aren’t nearly the worst part of this story. Nope! That would be the fact that the Daily Herald actually chose to cover their beyond specious tit-for-tat complaints.

I’d say Elena Ferarrin would be the hands down winner of the 2020 “Most Lethargic Reporter in Kane County” award, but Harry Hitzeman and Jim Fuller also deserve serious consideration.

What’s next DH? Reporting that little Suzy called little Jimmy a “doodiehead” during the finger-painting segment of a U-46 kindergarten class? I can’t wait!

All that said, given my eminently bright and cheery nature, let’s all do our best to look on the bright side! Every village needs an idiot and Elgin clearly has two! Well, three if you count Councilman Gav… Oh crap! I think I just completely contravened my New Year’s resolution to be a little nicer!

Ah well! There’s always 2021!

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