You can’t change people, but most importantly, unless you’re their momma, you don’t even know what’s best for them. – Singer Brandi Carlile
Let’s briefly return to our October 31 column where we discussed progressives’ unrepentant self-imposed mandate to “change peoples’ behavior” through bad legislation, silly initiatives, and stilted social engineering.
A perfect example put forth in that piece was Geneva, Illinois, aldercreature Anaïs Bowring’s proposal to encourage us to leave the leaves on our lawns till spring and refrain from mowing them for the month of May to protect hibernating pollinators and small creatures from a grim spring fate.
They call it “No mow May.”
First, I’m convinced that “Anaïs Bowring” is an alias because even the most patently progressive parents wouldn’t be pretentious enough to name their daughter “Anaïs. And we all know “Bowring” is her maiden, excuse me, birth name, because progressive women refuse to take their husband’s for fear of perpetuating the preposterous patriarchy.
That makes me wonder what she’s hiding.
And second, I tried to warn that perpetually fascinating governing body that no one should ever come between a Genevan and their lawn or leaves because the ensuing fallout would make those Trump trial festivities pale in comparison. And sure enough! Thousands of Tri-Cities readers inundated my email inbox with their opinions on the no mow subject, none of which were positive.
Alright! It was actually just four or five, but that’s pretty much the same thing. One of those First Ward fans was so dead on and hilarious that I’m going to liberally quote them here:
Everybody I’ve ever known who moved “to the country to be nearer to nature” was frustrated and disappointed. How do I keep these damned deer from eating my garden?! There are raccoons in my garbage! Bats in my attic! Dead critter parts coyotes have left on my property! Well, DUH, stupid f*****s. You said you wanted to be nearer to nature, and there you go. It’s not the f*****g Disney scene they always imagine with Bambi eating deer chow out of your hand and two little bluebirds circling above your head.
The concept progressives never seem to grasp is their “reality” isn’t one. It’s a figment of their overactive imaginations that never plays out in the real world. As one of my esteemed Loyola University psychology professors explained, “Neurotics build castles in the sky, but progressives live in them.”
Alright! He actually said “psychotics,” not “progressives,” but they’re pretty much the same thing. My new favorite reader continued:
I was in Ace Hardware the other day and they have an entire aisle devoted to killing insect and small animal life. And we’re gonna tolerate the full spectrum of wildlife right outside our back doors! Ha. People are SO full of shit.
Another excellent point. Because those mice won’t be satisfied with their leafy grassy backyard domain. They’re going to consider that no mow effort an invitation to join their human hosts in their nicely heated habitats with all manner of neatly stored groceries. It’s the closest thing to rodent nirvana they’ll ever encounter.
Our perspicacious emailer proceeded with their abundant wisdom:
Balancing nature is a tricky thing. People think they want No Mow Mays and everything replaced with native plants … they never seem to consider that it will result in a lawn that you have to hire a service to cut on the first of June, because it’s way too thick and long … a proliferation of unwanted wildlife, including snakes, coyotes, foxes, and a jump in rabies cases … an exponential spike in allergies that will make life literally unlivable for some causing many asthma hospitalizations.
Yep! I’m reasonably allergic to both grass and leaf mold which already makes the spring and fall seasons a fascinating proposition. Add Ms. Bowring’s shortsighted scheme and it would make it that much worse for me and my plethora of asthmatic compatriots.
But just like Trump supporters believe whatever they’ve been “thinking” for the past five minutes is the truth, progressives never stop to consider any potential negative consequences of their collective delusions because they can’t conceive they’re a possibility.
Not to mention the ancient autumnal rite of Genevans piling their leaves precisely along the curb in giddy anticipation of their beloved Kramer leaf pickup, a sight as iconic as a Norman Rockwell painting. No amount of progressive pandering is going to separate those folks from their green plastic rakes and bright red lawnmowers.
Then there’s the previously mentioned priorities issue.
It’s not that we can’t consider conservation and basic municipal infrastructure at the same time. But this sad iteration of the Geneva city council always seems to promote the latter at the expense of the former.
I’ve already noted that the Geneva electric utility is making a real effort, but they still can’t keep the power on and it’s getting worse. The decrepit east side sewer system is disintegrating before our very eyes and the recently applied band aid cures won’t begin to mitigate the required $12 million overhaul.
The generally ignored City pension liability, the result of Mayor Kevin Burns giving the unions whatever they want so they’ll unofficially work on his campaigns, is about to explode in our collective faces. And our residential streets, which are starting to look like something you might find in Syria, are only going to get worse during the repeated freeze and thaw cycles of an El Nino winter.
Oh! And suddenly the City isn’t applying beet juice or salt before a snow storm as they’ve done in the past.
But instead of facing those challenges head on, the majority of our city council would rather consider pride fire hydrants, diversity initiatives, saving unincorporated trees, raising taxes and fees, and of course, protecting pollinators through No mow Mays.
There’s a reason they call them “priorities” and those Genevans who were shortsighted enough to elect these progressive nincompoops are about to discover the error of their way the hard way.
