It’s time to cut service, Metra!

The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it. – Mark Twain

Convinced that revered reader Vicky W. has been waiting for this inevitable Metra column for some time, and not wanting to get on her bad side, let’s knock this one out before the Thanksgiving break.

Because if you believe Metra Executive Director Jim Derwinski, the only prospect more dire than another Trump presidency (He’s off to a bang up start, isn’t he?) is those looming Metra service cuts – up to 40 percent if Springfield doesn’t intervene to prevent the Second City from plunging into the lake.

Perhaps I’m a bit slow, but I don’t understand what the issue is.

Ridership has recovered a bit, but the downwardly revised 39 million projected 2025 riders is a far cry from their halcyon pre-pandemic 75 million passenger days. Any other business facing a 48 percent decline in business would’ve long since made the appropriate adjustments or they would’ve gone out of business.

But Metra’s never been a “business” by the most generous standard. If it were, they’d implicitly understand that 40 percent service cuts would be just the beginning of a long downward trend. No one likes to see anyone lose their job, but if your “business model” is no longer sustainable, then it’s time to reinvent yourself to fit the new reality.

With “remote work” firmly ensconced in the corporate lexicon, 39 million riders is likely as good as it’s gonna get.

And Metra ain’t exactly the CTA, either. They may be part of the same RTA “empire,” but those buses and green trains are critical to Chicago’s economically challenged workers and minority students. All mismanagement aside, that reality makes it far easier to support the kind of reasonable tax injection that keeps that system viable. If the CTA collapsed, the welfare hit would dwarf that small government subsidy.

But that ain’t Metra! Metra is a narrow use operation designed to get suburban Caucasians into Chicago in the morning, and back to the Collar Counties in the evening. You can throw the random sporting event, Rolling Stones concert, and a few weekend revelers in to round it out, but that pretty much sums it up.

It’s not like those dark potential strike days when Metra threatened us with terrifying tales of 300,000 extra vehicles hitting the road daily. As already stipulated, those lost riders aren’t coming back, and their brand new “Metra for errands” slogan fell just about as flat as Trump’s AG pick.

So, now the strategy they’re applying to get that downstate rabble’s attention is, “Don’t f**k with us or we’ll cut overnight service.” So, cut it! Again, I’d hate to see anyone lose their graveyard shift gig because they can’t get to work, but if ridership is down by 48 percent in just five scant years, then it’s time to make the appropriate service cuts, and 40 percent sounds just about right. Put more simply, Metra needs to get lean and mean.

With the commuters no longer there, any Springfield subsidy would become nothing more than the worst form of the eternal corporate dole. And what happens when fuel prices skyrocket under that Grand Cheeto’s blitheringly poorly advised economic “plan?” Another subsidy?

But what really frosts my flakes is this! Has Metra management managed to even mention any impending management cuts to help clear the deficit? Of course not! They couldn’t possibly do without their plethora of patronage hires.

And for they umpty eleventy-fifth time, aside from giving Derwinski a raise, where is the Metra Board in all of this? Aren’t they supposed to be the agency’s voice of reason? Even a flippin’ remedial third grader knew the COVID relief funds were expiring and working wasn’t form home wasn’t a fad. Yet here they are screaming that the end is near as if it’s a complete surprise.

For 15 grand a year for just 12 meetings, I expect a lot more from their board than oblivious silence.

Even I’m tired of picking on former State’s Attorney and current KC Metra Board member Joe McMahon, but this is the type of general incompetence you get when you appoint someone whose sum transportation experience adds up to driving to work every day.

That makes the question, considering the overwhelming evidence as outlined here, why are we having this conversation? Because a bunch of six-figure salaried old white men want to launch ghost trains while you and I foot the bill for their five-martini lunches? MAKE THE CUTS METRA and move on with it!  

And while they’re at it, Metra could be a lot more nimble, too. The CTA does a marvelous job of adding service during Cubs home games, Taylor Swift concerts, and Democratic conventions. So, why can’t Metra be just as agile.

I’m somewhat heartened by Governor Pointless’ refusal to budge in the face of Jerry Reinsdorf’s and the McCaskey family’s new stadium public funding blackmail attempts, but just when you think they’re finally on to something right, Springfield has a special way of turning disappointment into an art form.

Make the cuts, Metra because we aren’t bailing you out this time.