Sorry for the dearth of posts here lately folks! Between putting a lot more effort into the book and preparing to roast the Sheriff tomorrow night, I’ve been a busy boy. All I can say is, I have a newfound respect for comedians like Jeff Ross, Lisa Lampinelli, the late Craig Geraldo, and Amy Schumer who make roasting some poor victim look so easy.
Even though you didn’t ask, here are some of the things I’ve been thinking about:
1. Jane Byrne
She was the woman for whom the term “feisty broad” was originally coined. Between her brashness, her charm, her self-inflicted wounds, her capacity to make you laugh, her poor choices, and her love of the City of Chicago, she was the Second City’s least boring mayor.
I was living in Evanston when she threw the Machine into that 1979 tizzy and the news was even bigger than Neil Armstrong landing on the moon. You can call her temporary Cabrini Green residency a publicity stunt if you want, but no male politician ever had the balls to pull that kind of thing off.
But instead of living up to her carefully crafted reform campaign image, she listened to her no-account husband, former Daily News reporter Jay McMullen, who convinced her that the only method of staving off the younger Daley was to get in bed with the very folks she beat to a political pulp. He didn’t see Harold Washington coming and heronor was gone after four too-short years.
Rest in peace Mayor Byrne, I have nothing, but fond memories of you!
2. Carpentersville
No thanks to the village and their inexplicable FOIA scofflaw ways, we finally know what happened to Joshua Paul during that August 17 traffic stop. And the only reason we know anything is because the Coroner finally released the death report.
You can read Jake Griffin’s take on the Coroner’s report right here.
Suffice it to say that, while there may be something to Paul’s proposed hyper-alcoholism induced deterioration, the fact that, after three long months, Carpentersville still refuses to answer a FOIA request deemed eminently legal by the Attorney General’s office, is clear and convincing proof that they’re still trying to hide something.
Minimally, the city council is desperately trying to skirt some serious liability issues.
I’ve spoken with a number of current and former law enforcement officers who unanimously agree this “investigation” should’ve been wrapped up in no more than 30 days. One said that sitting on it for three months and counting is completely beyond the pale.
The lessons here are, don’t drive through Carpentersville and this is why the appearance of impropriety is always worse than any actual impropriety.
3. Climate Change
Just because it’s really cold here and heavily snowing in other places, doesn’t mean that climate change is some sort of hoax. That would be like saying that just because you didn’t get any mail today, the Post Office doesn’t exist, which is exactly the kind of demented logic a remedial third grader would use.
In fact, this early cold and voluminous snow is proof that climate change continues to tighten its grasp.
Climate change symptoms consist of short term extremes within a larger long-term global warming trend. We have millions of years of atmospheric carbon dioxide levels on record and we know exactly what happens to the planet when those readings get too high. It’s simple scientific cause and effect and anyone who doesn’t believe the basic math is either not too smart, doesn’t care about their kids, or simply full of shit.
The President’s recent carbon emissions agreement with the Chinese should be lauded as one of the most important accords of our time.
4. Conspiracy Theories
Virtually never hold water.
Most of the time they’re like a harmless superstition that purports to explain something the “theorist” can’t completely comprehend. Not only that but, being the bearer of that “inside knowledge” also makes the theorist feel a greater sense of self-importance
But when taken too far, these conspiracy theories become excuses for ineffectual people (and especially ancillary players) who’ve never managed to make anything of their generally meaningless and depressing lives.
It goes something like this, “If someone of my vast significance and indelible righteousness can’t succeed, then it has to be because someone’s got it in for me/us!” Like a black president for example. That’s when these theories can get dangerous and co-opt the political process.
Let conspiracy theories go folks and live your bleepin’ lives!
And we’ll be talking about all this on Left, Right and You Tomorrow!
