Quick hits – June 20, 2018

Quick hits – June 20, 2018

“Justice” Kane County style

Most of you already know I never want to be the story. It’s not that I’m any kind of shrinking violet, it’s that I’m not nearly that important. But when the Geneva Police, Chief Judge Susan Clancy Boles, and States Attorney Joe McMahon insist upon thrusting me into that spotlight, I’ll be more than happy to set the record straight.

Clearly, none of them are capable of telling the truth – or even spelling the word for that matter.

It would seem that I’ve particularly offended the Chief Judge’s delicate sensibilities, because a mere two days before my first court date, one of my attorneys received a rather confused email from an Ogle County law clerk. They wanted him to explain how they should handle a Kane County case, and asked whether we were coming to them.

Clancy Boles

You see, Chief Judge Boles got her friends on the Illinois Supreme Court to transfer my case to an Ogle County judge. Not a DeKalb County judge. Not a DuPage County Judge, Not a McHenry County judge. But an Ogle County judge.

It’s called venue shopping. For the uninitiated, Ogle county sits somewhere south of Senegal, and who do you think would be more likely to buy the police version of events? Folks from a county of 51,659 inhabitants, or those from a collar county that’s more than ten times that size?

But wait! There’s more.

Not only did she unilaterally instigate this abrogation of justice, but she did it ex parte (without my attorneys involvement). And because that wasn’t nearly entertaining enough, she failed to provide my attorneys with any of the associated paperwork.

Were it not for that confused Ogle County law clerk, I would’ve missed my first court date, and you all know just how much the men and women in black tend to frown on that kinda thing!

Am I surprised by any of this? Of course not – this is Kane County! When you consider how Chief Judge Boles literally tried to erase any electronic connection between her late brother Michael Clancy and Anjum Coffland – a move that will eventually cost her the black robe – venue shopping and notification lapses are small potatoes.

But here’s what really frosts my flakes. While I have the means and the legal team to deal with this maneuver, those predominantly minority Kane County defendants do not. They not only face the full weight of “the people,” but a State’s Attorney and Chief Judge who will do whatever it takes to rack up the “right” stats.

The bottom line is, I know my attorneys and I can convince any jury anywhere of the Geneva Police’s liberal application of harassment and “creative charges.” So, the Chief Judge’s tactic won’t work. And if Susan Clancy Boles, Joe McMahon and the Geneva Police continue to insist upon making me the story, then I’ll be more than happy to continue to set the story straight!


The dead bodies are revolting!

Yep! A sudden influx of already decomposing deceased has not only rendered the Kane County Coroner’s office markedly malodorous, but that resplendent redolence has wafted to some of the nearby county buildings. Apparently, that morgue freezer can’t quite mitigate all of the decompositional side effects.

As a result, Coroner Rob Russell is, once again, calling for a brand spanking new Coroner’s office, and once again, he’s not going to get it.

Before we continue, please let me stipulate two things. First, the Coroner and I have moved beyond détente to downright friendliness. Rob Russell is a likeable guy. And second, that 100-year-old building desperately needs to be retired.


So, I really don’t want to hear any more of that Lauzen lackey bullshit, or I’ll show up at your front door.

But Mr. Russell’s problem is, instead of privately availing himself of the Republican board members who sympathize with his plight – many of whom are close to Chairman Chris Lauzen – he consistently chooses to take this battle to the Daily Herald. And those inept editors are all too happy to run with it because the Chairman once called them a name!

And he does this despite explaining this errant dynamic to Coroner Russell myself.

One of the first unwritten rules of dealing with governmental boards is, “needlessly embarrass me/us in public and you will not get what you want.” It’s one of the most simple and constant cause and effect consequences in this shades of gray existence.

For any countywide elected official to win a PR battle with a chairman or a board, their cause has to completely resonate with voters. Since most voters don’t want to have to think about the Coroner until they need him, that’s not gonna happen.

Rob! I’d like to see you get that new office, but you’ve got to learn how to play the game, sir! I know that’s a strange statement coming from the likes of me, but you chose to run for public office and I have not!


For want of a stretching coach…

I was all set to enlist Kane County Auditor Terry Hunt in, once again, excoriating Cubs manager Joe Maddon for trying to be too cute. After all, he is the worst manager in all of Major League Baseball.

But the reason he thrust underachieving left-hander Justin Wilson in the closer role in yesterday’s first game against the Dodgers was even sillier than the Jose Cardenal hotel room cricket incident. (The insect, not the sport, and look it up!)

brandon Morrow

In yet another truth is stranger than fiction tale, regular closer Brandon Morrow was not available Tuesday because he injured his back taking off his pants. I’d repeat that, but I don’t want to injure myself laughing, so I’ll simply pause while you do your best to take that in…

With most of the Cubs’ reliever corps already decimated from real baseball injuries, Morrow adds to that misery by going on the 10-day disabled list because he can’t successfully get undressed.

Call me crazy, but don’t you think a guy who makes $10.5 million a year to play a children’s game could afford a stretching coach or personal yoga trainer? I suppose it’s better than Giants closer Hunter Strickland breaking his hand in the process of punching a door. And I bet the door will never forget it!

I’m sure both players will forgo their salaries during their convalescence, too!


Next week…

Barring bigger stories and my attorneys’ intervention (please don’t tell them about this), the reason the Geneva Police want to shut me up? Genevans are footing the bill for officers having sex with other officers on duty.


As one of my six sources put it, they did it in patrol cars, they did it in bars, they did it at the station and use your imagination. And one of ‘em got promoted as a result!

Mayor Kevin Burns knows all about it, too!


6 thoughts on “Quick hits – June 20, 2018

  1. Getting your case sent to another county??? Seems a little childish and unprofessional. Just send in a judge from another area to hear the case, not send the case out to another county.

  2. I feel like you keep dangling this “police scandal” carrot but you’ve been dangling it a few times that maybe now it’s just a way to get people all riled up about this small town sex scandal. I think I’ve seen you post a few times over the past year about this info you have on officers having sex on the job. I would have thought that you would have broke this story wide open especially since all the hell they have put you through. I mean, it’s an interesting carrot to dangle but it’s about time to either break the story or move on.

    As for your court case, good luck in Ogle County (where ever small hell that is).

    1. Cindy,

      You are absolutely correct in your assertion!

      First, I always take a few deep breaths whenever someone’s career is involved. As the late, great Mike Royko said, his only regret was when he “peeled a grape with an ax.”

      And second, I had hoped to forge some sort of detente with the Geneva Police, going as far as getting my three attorneys, myself, the Chief and one of the Commanders to sit down together.

      Clearly, that effort failed miserably, because being a Geneva Police officer means never having to say you’re sorry.

      In an effort to end some of the teasing, the GPD officers involved are “retired” Sgt. Rick Castner and current Detective Sarah Sullivan.

      The Sergeant and his wife live an interesting lifestyle, and this isn’t nearly Detective Sullivan’s only problem, but the threat of a sexual harassment lawsuit against her bosses has done wonders for her career.

      I’ll flush that all out next week.

      And thank you for your kind wishes, but I got this one!


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