The Coronavirus Report – The “surge” explained!

The Coronavirus Report – The “surge” explained!

This column was originally intended to run tomorrow (10/22), but with Governor Pointless thrusting his absurd COVID-19 “mitigations” upon Kane County on the 23rd, I thought it might be more appropriate to tackle this topic today.

I, too, have been concerned with what the press is referring to as our current coronavirus “surge,” so, I once again, sought out those high-level government and medical experts in the hope of bringing some badly needed perspective and balance to the pandemic force. The good news is those efforts were not in vain!

But before we continue, if any of you bleeps has the temerity to ask me to name a source, not only will you be summarily blocked, but just like Vinnie Barbarino’s mother, I’ll pray for you  have an accident. I can’t believe I have to explain this, but if I ever gave up a source, they would no longer be a source, and you’re not nearly cute enough for me to risk that kind of thing.

With that out of the way, let’s review some of the realities we’ve been regularly discussing since the early days of the pandemic.

1. The plague ain’t goin’ anywhere

In fact, it’s gonna be with us for a very long time. And all our social distancing and renewed semi-shutdown “strategies” are going to do is continue to prolong the inevitable. I’m going to keep on saying it, we know exactly who we need to protect!

2. No country will be spared

Of course, this country couldn’t have done a better job in the beginning, but just as we predicted, the countries that progressives held up as prime examples of plague mitigation are now paying the piper. The irony of the massive anti-mask protest in Germany is certainly not lost on me. Perhaps Americans aren’t that bad, after all!

3. The disease is becoming less lethal

We’ve also been discussing this possibility since May. Now, not only am I hearing about it from more than one medical expert, but the IL mortality rated has plummeted from a July 4 4.8 percent high, to just 2.6 percent yesterday (10/20). And that massive 50 percent crash cannot be completely explained by the shifting disease demographics or better medical care.

4. What’s the plan?

I’m gonna keep on asking that, too!

The more-than-reasonable logic behind those March shutdowns was to give our healthcare system a chance to get on top of this thing, and that’s been the case since mid-May. Even if you consider the recent case number increase, just 2,261 of the 35,090 total Illinois hospital beds are occupied by COVID patients.

But aside from all the shrieking and howling and attempts to bankrupt small businesses, for the life of me, I can’t figure out what the plan is! I’d ask the Governor directly, but I’m convinced he has no clue, either.


So, what’s behind our “surge?” Two groups!

1. 20- to 29-year-olds

This should come as absolutely no surprise to absolutely anyone. While the number of COVID cases in the other age groups remain as flat as our Northern Illinois terrain, Collar County twentysomethings have seen a 40 percent increase among their ranks. And contact tracing clearly indicates this age group spike is primarily the result of private parties and other get togethers.

2. Club sports

This one actually did surprise me, though upon further reflection, it really shouldn’t have.

For the uninitiated, club sports, typically run by former or current high school coaches, are enterprises that con parents into paying thousands of dollars in tuition and fees with the promise of turning their child into a full-ride college scholarship athlete.

With the fall weather sending those avid athletes back indoor into former warehouses or similarly poorly ventilated buildings, they’ve become a breeding ground zero for the virus.


What’s abundantly clear is, despite whatever progressives have been shouting at us, neither schools, nor bars, nor restaurants are responsible for the current coronavirus case increases. If they were, we would’ve seen a spike in early September. Furthermore, if you have half-a-brain, you already understand that, given our COVID “surge” sources, the Governor’s impending “mitigations” will be about as effective as those Geneva “Your Speed Is” radar signs.

Our illustrious 20- to 29-year-olds would actually be better off drinking in bars, but they’re partying in poorly ventilated private homes, instead, because they don’t want to have to deal with all the absurd restrictions. And if you think they’ll heed the Guv’s admonition to avoid Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years soirees, then I have a bridge over the Fox River I’m willing to part with for next to nothing!

Putting yet more unfounded economic stress on bars, restaurants, and other small businesses won’t change a damn thing, but when it comes to Governor Pointless, you can’t fix stupid. Meanwhile, the irony of club sports being our second super-spreader group is almost too much to bear.

After Pritzker foolishly banned high school sports (you can’t catch it outside), a slew of Collar County parents turned to club sports as their only other option. Had he permitted the schools, with their modern facilities and more reasonable safety protocols, to handle the fall season, our “surge” would be nothing more than a minor blip!

Leave it to another billionaire politician to come up with a “cure” that actually spreads the disease!

I know what you’re thinking! “But Jeff! If our coronavirus case ‘surge’ consists primarily of young folks, why are we seeing an increase in Kane County hospitalizations? We’ve seen just one to two serious summer cases a month, but now there’s been 24 COVID hospitalizations this October!”

Ah, yes! The problem there is, the parents and relatives with co-morbidity factors (obesity, heart disease, diabetes and others) are not protecting themselves from their asymptomatic teens and twenty-somethings who were infected while partying or enjoying clubs sports. I’d make a comment about letting natural selection take its course, but I’m getting kinda tired of the pitchfork and torch wielding mobs.

But fear not my small business owning friends! The governor and his minions may be ten bottles short of a twelve-pack, but our local leaders understand the pandemic logic as put forth in this column. And as long as there’s no blatant red flag bull waving, they have no intention of fining or shutting anyone down.

It’s not that easy, either. As my favorite business owner has been reporting, a court order is required to close a business, and that requires a law enforcement agency to seek it and a 16th Circuit judge to sign it. Trust me! Neither one of those entities want to bring that kind of hellfire down upon themselves.

And most of the judges I’ve spoken with thing Pritzker is a nitwit.

If you doubt me, consider this! Despite Campton Hills’ Luau Coffee’s ill-advised mask-free zone declaration garnering plenty of press attention, they suffered absolutely no legal consequences.

So, now that you’re armed with the truth, carry on my business friends, but don’t be so obvious about it that, like Cindy Brady, the nanny-staters feel the need to tattle on you.

There are a plethora of people on this planet who, like Holden Caulfield, can’t stand the sight of happy people.

The irrefutable good news is, despite the Governor’s persistent ploys to make the pandemic worse, like all plagues before it, this too shall pass. But the bad news is, there’s no vaccine to prevent political stupidity.

One thought on “The Coronavirus Report – The “surge” explained!

  1. This whole thing reeks like being a little bit pregnant. If it is so bad why only shut down restaurants and bars? If club sports is a super spreader should they not be shut down too? And gyms and schools and libraries are still open. No rhyme or reason.

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