What if they gave a debate and nobody came?
Given my magnificently magnanimous mien, two years ago I reached out the local League of Women Voters in an altruistic attempt to explain why Republican candidates balked at attending their stilted candidate forums. The truth is, unless you’re the Grand Cheeto, there isn’t much point in debating an empty chair.
But did they greet me with open arms? Of course, not! They unilaterally determined that the best course of action was to kill the messenger and that’s exactly what they did. Put much more simply, they essentially told me to “fuck off.”
So, I did!
But before I relented, I predicted their forums would swiftly become as pointless as trying to tell a Trump supporter they’re an idiot. And that’s exactly what happened.
Though it’s bad for the electorate, it’s hilarious to read the newspaper accounts of these overly self-important ladies hosting a series of one-sided debates where, in the absence of their opponent, the remaining candidate gets to speak for all of two minutes.
And when the vast majority of Republican candidates refused to respond to their overtures some of the Democrats started following suit. And a once venerable organization has been reduced to a laughingstock status.
Nice job, ladies!
We all know he’s gay!
It doesn’t happen very often (my readers tell me this), but I think I’m really on to something.
I don’t know about you, but despite my centrist proclivities, I’m receiving all manner of texts from every last conservative reprobate. It’s gotten so bad that my constantly adjusted spam filter can’t keep up with it. I’m sure the fact that my cellphone number’s previous owner was a deadbeat Trump supporter doesn’t help matters – I still get her collection agency calls, too.
And texting back “Stop” doesn’t do a damn thing but prove they have an active phone number on their hook.
So yesterday, I got another political missive, this one purportedly from stuck-in-the-50s Chiefs’ placekicker Harrison Butker. But instead of replying “stop,” or blocking the number (which is as pointless as texting “Stop.”), I replied, “We all know you’re gay, Harrison!”
And, lo and behold, before I could report the spam and block the number, someone on the other end unsubscribed me. So, not only do I think I’ve discovered a means of mitigating this written deluge, but considering my immediate rejection, it’s quite clear that Mr. Butker really is gay.
C’mon with a last name like “Butker,” some fabulous clothing choices, and with a severe case of homophobia, was there ever any doubt?
The continuing stupidity of the KC GOP
As we’ve previously noted, I can publicly proclaim how misguided the Kane County Republican’s 2024 campaign effort is, and not only will they tune out my four-figure advice, but they’ll do something even more moronic the next time.
And they never fail to disappoint!
As my lovely wife and I were returning from our Sunday morning dog walk, I noticed yet another baggie with rock and message sitting just off our driveway. “Another landscaping advert I thought.” But no! It was the latest effort from the KC GOP.
Before we get to the actual piece, let’s first consider the manner in which it was deployed.
First, EVERYONE loves the overused rock-in-the-bag-at-the-end-of-the-driveway messaging methodology so much that they’ll angrily snatch it off the pavement and summarily dispose of it without considering what’s inside.
Meanwhile, the homeowner would at least glance at the name on a doorhanger before throwing it in the trash. It would seem that the KC GOP is too fuckin’ lazy to get off their fat asses and run to the front door and back.
Worse yet, those baggies were sitting on everyone’s driveway even after I’d explained that 66 percent of Kane County adults are registered to vote, and 50 percent of them vote in any given even-year election cycle. That puts the odds of those rocks landing on an active voter’s driveway at about 33 percent.
Then those odds plummet even further when, by Wednesday afternoon, a third of the baggies were blowing down the various Fisher Farms streets because the inserted stone were too small. Can you say, “Wasted time and money?” I knew you could!
When you finally get to the piece itself, to say it’s “amateurish” would be a disservice to amateurs everywhere.
Chairman Pierog’s name is far more prominent than her opponent’s. Instead of printing a screenshot of some specific political contributions, they added a QR code and a 20-word description of how to effectively use the code, which no one will do. Then the absurd 14 bullet points failed to convey any kind of coherent message.
My favorite was, “Chair Pierog is the commissioner of the liquor control commission,” which is true of ANY county chairman. Then they go on to ascribe all sorts of nefarious deeds to Ms. Pierog when she doesn’t have the power to do any of it. Finally, the grammar and wording is so bad, it looks like it was edited by a fourth grader.
If I were Chairman Pierog, I’d start passing this one out myself.
