Et tu, Brute?
Though the Ides of March passed without much note, the Ides of April seem to be a little more pernicious.
Because just when you thought the Kane County (KC) Republican Party couldn’t sink further into the abyss of their own digging, that’s exactly what they do. Considering the proximity to April Fools Day, I wish I could say I was making this up, but I’m not.
No one could make this up.
Emboldened by their capacity to get precinct committeemen (PCs) elected, the Campton Hills Warriors put down their action figures, video games, and hot pockets just long enough to come up with a fascinating new method of putting the final nail in the ailing local Republican Party’s coffin.
Oh! And by the way, considering that most KC PC slots are vacant, all it takes is a warm body who’s willing to get 10 signatures to “win” an unopposed race. We’re certainly not talking about any electoral geniuses here.
But back to their hilarious scheme.
In what can only be described as the irony to end all ironies, our middle school group met in their parents’ basement blanket fort to somehow determine that Party chairman Andro Lerario isn’t nearly MAGA enough. Armed with their emerging PC cadre, the Terriers…I mean Warriors plan is to oust Lerario and replace him with someone who’s even more MAGA-ish – if that’s even possible.
Remember, it’s the PCs who elect the various county Party chairmen.
The irony, of course, is if Lerario isn’t MAGA enough, then I don’t know who is. He’s a never-wrong immature ignorant credit-taking bullying blowhard Agent Orange clone. What more could the Janitors…I mean Warrior want?
You know I’m no fan of his ham-handed approach, but as previously noted, Lerario has managed to bring elements of the GOP together, and he somehow motivated them to do more than pursue intra-Party feuds – until now. And his payment for those minor successes is to have his very own minions turn on him, rendering the local Republican Party moot once and for all
Have I said you can’t make this shit up?
The source who brought me this story noted that, while they certainly foresaw the inevitable demise of the fractured KC GOP, they didn’t think it would happen this quickly. I think the Posteriors…I mean Warriors club motto should be “Hold my beer!” I’d even buy the t-shirts.
Let me be the first one to say that Kane County is officially Democratic and it’s never turning back.
Regardless of who you believe, Lance Bell was wrong!
Despite passing along my phone number and assurances that I’d be more than happy to listen to his side of the disrupting-a-polling-place story, apparently GOP Kane County chairman candidate Lance Bell is far too busy hiding in his secret treehouse to call me.
Ah! But since journalism abhors a vacuum, another source stepped in to fill in that void. And their theory is that Bell actually likes the new voting machines and his polling place video invasion was an attempt to woo his recalcitrant Republican ilk into embracing them. What he purportedly takes issue with is my eyewitness’ claim that he called the new equipment “a scam.”
So, tell you what! Despite the mountain of evidence on my side, I’m going to bestow Mr. Bell with a rather generous benefit of the doubt and concede to his version of the events. Because the word “scam” is utterly immaterial to our previous conclusion.
It’s beyond the pale for any candidate – particularly one running for county chairman – to blow past the posted “No Photography in the Polling Place” sign and start videotaping anything inside without the express written consent of the county clerk. It’s even worse when that same candidate ignores the election judges’ pleas to relent and, instead of bowing out of a tense situation with some semblance of grace, questions the legality of the sign instead.
Does it really take a rocket scientist to figure out that, particularly in this “the election was stolen” climate where election workers are, literally, under attack, you can’t simply walk into a polling place and do whatever the fuck you want?
What both sides do agree on is Mr. Bell lost his cool that day, something no self-respecting candidate can afford in the middle of a difficult election season. Not to mention that any candidate who unduly “lingers” in a polling place can be charged with electioneering.
A smaller but still notable irony is none of my MAGA mope critics seem to be able to recall when Democratic state senator Mike Noland got it with both First Ward barrels for pulling the same polling place shit. Lance should consider himself lucky to be the recipient of just half of the rock salt.
Furthermore, if Bell truly wanted to demonstrate the merit of the new voting machines, and I would encourage him to do so, he could’ve called county clerk Jack Cunningham to arrange for a demo – which they would’ve gladly provided. But instead, the kind of tone deafness required to fail to apply a minimum of finesse and the most basic common courtesy doesn’t begin to bode well for Mr. Bell’s capacity to govern.
Then, after he bullies an entire early voting polling place, Bell has the nerve to complain about me to everyone but me. Fuckin’ Maga dewdrop snowflake!
Where’s “Waldo” Lauzen this time?
Instead of sending the Warriors to their rooms to think about it for a while, it would seem that former chairman and current treasurer Chris Lauzen is content to simply sit back and watch his hand-picked Party chairman get torn to pieces by the very jackals they created. What a standup guy!
