NO! I will NOT “investigate” your family law case!

NO! I will NOT “investigate” your family law case!

It’s more than ironic that I wrote this column exactly a year ago today, because sure enough, another family court female just insisted I drop everything to investigate what “the system” is doing to her mother. When I politely told her that I refuse to get involved in any family or probate law case, that I don’t get paid to do this, and offered her some sound advice, I received another email explaining how badly I’d let her down. So, since last year’s column failed to do the trick, it’s time to set some new and very specific ground rules.

1. If you are a woman and you approach me to help you out with any kind of court case, not only will that email go unanswered, but your email address will be blocked. Should you persist in contacting me, I will resort to the courts myself. If you’ve spent thousands of dollars on attorneys, every judge is out to get you, social service agencies won’t help you, and everyone involved is “evil,” then you’re the problem.

2. If you are a male and you need family court advice, a short and respectful email will go a long way toward soliciting a reasonable response outlining what I believe to be the best course of action. I don’t understand the dichotomy, but without exception, the men who’ve contacted me in this regard have been polite, respectful of my time, and exceedingly grateful for my advice. Some of them have even gone as far as reaching out a year or more later to explain how that counsel made a difference.

Only one of the women has done that, and the women who’ve contacted me outnumber the men by five to one.

3. If you want me to take up your political cause, you might want to consider making a donation to the First Ward cause. Failing that, should you attempt to use intimidation, passive aggressive coercion, or be foolish enough to question my integrity, let’s just say it won’t end well for you. And I know how to make a body disappear, too.

 

I am eternally grateful for all of the readers who’ve supported me mentally and financially over the years. You’ve made this endeavor quite worthwhile. But some of you motherfuckers are making it VERY easy for me to “retire.”

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