Skip to content
September 9, 2015 / jeffnward

On Asian drivers and why God has a great sense of humor

I know I’m going to get in trouble for this one, but if God didn’t want me to write about it, He wouldn’t keep putting me in the same position. So rather than be offended, simply consider this to be my spiritual calling. After all, we’re all about religious freedom these days aren’t we?

Of course, my long-time readers will likely recall the story of my interesting sojourn to the Indian Trail, Aurora DMV so my older son could take his first driver’s test. That was where we encountered an elderly Asian woman who neither knew her left from her right, the electric door locks from the trunk release, nor the accelerator from the brake pedal. You can read that entire eminently entertaining story here.

So as my younger son and I headed out to the DeKalb DMV (see yesterday’s post) on a similar mission last Friday, I briefly considered, and even more quickly dismissed, the possibility of that lightning striking a second time.

But how does that biblical caveat go? “Oh ye of little faith!”

Because as we sat in the cramped waiting area abandoning all hope as if it was a Russian Gulag, a twenty-something Asian woman came bounding in from her driver’s test clearly excited about making the cut.

Just like it is whenever you encounter a reasonable Republican presidential candidate, her brand of boundless exuberance stood out in stark contrast to the soulless and surly world of that Secretary of State facility. So for a split second, we all forgot about our slow march towards a certain doom and got caught up in her joyful solicitations.

It was at that point when a gentleman turned to our new driver and offered her a jovial “congratulations!” She, in turn, folded the thumb of her left hand to her palm only to exclaim, “Fourth time!” It was at that point that the morale of the entire audience crashed even faster than the August stock market.

My immediate response was to whisper, “Four times! Holy bleep!,” to my son and lightly slap my right hand to my forehead. At least there was some solace in the fact the Aurora Asian woman didn’t even make it to her driver’s test, but this one was about to drive home!

Four times! How can anyone fail the same driver’s test on three separate occasions? Shouldn’t there be some sort of statutory yearly testing limit by which consistent failure means going back to driver’s ed? Even baseball sends you back to the bench after that third strike.

I know you can take the Bar exam as often as necessary, but I can’t remember the last time an errant law student forced me to dive out of a crosswalk. All I can say is, thank God I’ll never have to be a DMV chaperone again, but sadly, the damage is already done!

Some folks fear the dentist’s drill. Others cringe at the mere mention of public speaking. Then there are those terrified by the thought of their own inevitable demise. But the only thing that can truly make me break out into a cold sweat is the sight of an Asian woman behind the wheel.

Forget cyberattacks! If the Chinese ever figure out how to weaponize this, lord help us! This country would grind to a complete halt.

One Comment

Leave a Comment
  1. Kim Murphy / Sep 9 2015 3:47 pm

    Very funny, Jeff!

    *Kim Murphy* *Administrative Assistant* *Senator Jim Oberweis* *25th District* *(630) 800-1992*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: