The Illinois Review doesn’t like me!
Comedian Lewis Black is fond of saying the problem with conservatives is, they have absolutely no sense of humor. And he’s right. That doesn’t mean they don’t say funny things, it’s just that they tend to get laughs only when they’re trying to be serious.
Say what you will about me – and most of you already do – but I manage to regularly have a little fun with myself. You see, the bottom line is that none of us are indispensable to this earthbound process and our best defense against that inevitable exit is a good laugh.
So when a staunch Republican friend surprisingly suggested I submit my defense of Aurora State Rep Linda Chapa Lavia to the Illinois Review, despite all the obvious reservations I thought, “what the bleep?” Perhaps those bloggish folks have a sense of humor and they’ll have some fun with me. So I sent the column along.
And “Managing Editor” Fran Eaton’s response was priceless.
“Not sure you meant to send this to us, Mr. Ward. This is Illinois Review. We vividly recall your comments in a past Courier column. Now you’d like us to share your thoughts with our audience?
And we have another version of the Chapa Lavia’s history with local Republicans that doesn’t line up with yours.
Your memorable words – ‘But instead of calling her on it, those nitwits at the Illinois Review couldn’t lap it up fast enough. You can hear the entire interview at www.Illinoisreview.com. Apparently, if you want to get a tea partier to curl up in your lap and purr, all you have to do is pet them gently while whispering sweet nothings in their ear.'”
Not only am I truly touched they remembered me, but the fact they actually saved a column that had rolled off the Net makes me feel warm and fuzzy over. Who’d a thunk I’d make that kind of lasting impression? I’d be willing to bet that Fran Eaton has a full size poster of me on her bedroom wall.
Now, it took a little time to remember exactly to whom I was referring in the paragraph, but with a little effort, I realized it was former Kane County Chairman Karen McConnaughay who, while running for the 33rd State Senate seat, was doing her best Sarah Palin impersonation.
Of course, the former Chairman has moved on from blowing $40 million surpluses and making a mess of Animal Control to much loftier endeavors like shaking down the Grand Victoria for a big donation.
And her conservative fairy tale included, not only teaching her kids to water ski at three, but handing them loaded guns at the ripe old age of two. And all this occurred while living on her “wilderness” property along the Fox River in St. Charles.But instead of saying something like “wait a minute! Can a two year-old even handle a gun?” Fran and the Illinois Review fawned over Ms. McConnaughay like Chris Christie over a cupcake because their agenda is to push faux conservative Republicans without any regard for what they are in reality.
So being the magnanimous individual I always am, I simply provided the Illinois Review with a rare opportunity to print the truth, but alas, failing to appreciate my vast effort, as Earnest T. Bass would say, “They shot me down!”
Somehow I think I’ll be able to live with it.