The First Ward 2023 retrospective – Part 3

The First Ward 2023 retrospective – Part 3

My New Year’s resolution is for my body to make less noise while standing up.”— Random Twitter Person

We’ve finally made it to part three – the hyperlocal 2023 stories – so let’s wrap this sucker up!

The Kane County GOP insists on being a major embarrassment

Again, it didn’t take a flippin’ genius to predict this inevitably insistent steep slide when you’ve got Chris “Well Beyond his Prime” Lauzen and his hand-picked Trump-lite chairman Andro Lerario at the helm. Though to be fair to the Grand Cheeto, Lerario’s IQ is at least a full 50 points lower.

Andro Lerario

The KC GOP finally did manage to slate some candidates, but with the so-far seeming exception of their

Chris Lauzen

state’s attorney prospect, it essentially consists of a subpar group of conservative loons who couldn’t win a sixth-grade student council seat if they were spotted 49 out of 100 votes. And that’s particularly true when you have the astute KC Dem chairman Mark Guethle working the other side.

The best example of what I’m saying is Kane County board member David Young, purportedly one of the Party’s brightest, introduced a proclamation supporting folks who refused to be vaccinated against COVID.

Though this may well put the kibosh on my New Year’s resolution to suffer fools a better just a week in, there are but two words to describe someone who thinks that’s gonna get more Republicans elected and those words are “fucking” and “idiot.”

Then, after they got these patsies to run, their collective nominating paperwork was a humiliating circus of errors that makes one question whether they could successfully run an engine, much less a county government.

Meanwhile, my spies tell me the KC GOP Party meetings primarily consist of regurgitating Trumpisms to the point where the Democrats essentially have Kane County all locked up.


The ECC Blizzard Theatre continues its fade into oblivion

What’s the purported Einsteinian definition of insanity? That’s right! Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a differentresult. But despite that obvious reality, our fine friends at ECC insist on putting on woke and white bread shows that no one wants to see, not even their own students.

Those winter/spring offerings include:

  •         A dueling grand piano performance
  •         Ensemble Espanol Dance Theater
  •         Chicago Tap Theatre
  •         You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown
  •         Terra Nostra, and
  •         Bachelors of Broadway

That’s a far cry from Lewis Black, Pat Metheny, Dave Mason, Roger McGuinn, and Loudon Wainwright III. In fact, I almost fell asleep typing out that list.

How do I know no one wants to see those Blizzard’s shows? Because we received at least two full color, glossy, 6 x 8 mailers a week between Thanksgiving and Christmas offering us “great deals” just to get us to show up. Any seasoned campaign manager will tell you those things aren’t cheap, either.

Their lineup has been so bad for so long that even if they tried to bring back the acts that once filled the seats, it’s too late. They’ve encouraged their formerly rabid customer base to look elsewhere for concerts and now it’s become a habit.


The Uprising Bakery finally closes

Considering the karma involved, you know I don’t wish ill will upon anyone, perhaps with the limited exceptions of Elon Musk and Demi Lovato, and it’s always sad when any promising business is forced to close. But talk about waving the red flag in front of the Lake in the Hills bull. I’ll ask the question again! When did drag queen story hour become the pinnacle of progressive politics?

Granted that village is where common sense, Christianity, and intelligence go to die, but anyone could’ve predicted that end result. When asked about his lack of political pronouncements, Michael Jordan famously replied, “Republicans buy sneakers, too.” Yes! Because ideological provocation and professional victimhood are not the best basis for a business model.

Goodbye Uprising Bakery. You won’t be missed.


Tom Hartwell

We’re still discussing Tom Hartwell

Eight long months after the tragic fact later, my friends and I are still discussing the former Kane County circuit clerk’s suicide as a resultofbeing indicted on 19 felony charges of theft by deception and official misconduct.

I understand Tom made a serious mistake, but talk about trying to peel a grape with an ax as the great Mike Royko so often put it. State’s attorney Jamie Mosser and her entire office should remain beyond humiliatingly humbled by this absurd form of wanton overkill, but I’m sure they’re already over it.

Taking one’s life is ultimately the responsibility of the taker, but some folks in power are all too happy to grease those skids and karma really can be a bitch in that regard.


Tim Morgan is still serving on the Campton Hills village board

Tim Morgan

Speaking of state’s attorney Mosser, despite her best efforts to the contrary, Tim Morgan is still serving on the Campton Hills village board. You see, while her 0.185 BAC state rep best buddy Matt Hanson somehow lucked out with a local prosecutor instead of facing the full weight of the Attorney General’s office, Mosser is still seeking to remove Morgan based upon a 20-year-old Michigan DUI conviction.

Of course, if you ask her, Mosser will swear she believes in second chances (until it involves a too-conservative-for-her-taste local village board member.)

But the best part of this fascinating scenario is Tim’ still serving because yours truly out-lawyered Mosser, former state’s attorney Joe McMahan, and…drum roll…even my favorite attorney Jeff Meyer who will never live it down because I won’t let him.

I promise to catch you up on this story within the next month because it’s a truly fascinating proposition that makes Mosser look even more hypocritical than your average Trump supporter.

The obvious irony is, if she wanted to punish Morgan for that two-decade old DUI, the best means would’ve been to simply let him serve out his term that perpetually fascinating body.


Corey Dixon

Corey Dixon has been uncharacteristically quiet

Ain’t it amazing what a 16-point mayoral drubbing will do to a pandering, self-aggrandizing, loudmouth city councilman who’s become alegend in his own mind. But the best part of Dave Kaptain clobbering Dixon has been the kind of glorious silence I could really get used to.

It’s been almost a year since he went down in flames and Dixon’s barely said a word. There’ve been no duplicitous declarations from the dais, no grandiose progressive expositions on how the Elgin Police suck, no demands for pointless DEI initiatives, and no free turkey and backpack giveaways.

It truly is a Christmas miracle.


The Elgin Food Coop Shared Harvest is still a scam

The Shared Harvest Coop’s response to my accurate assessment that, after more than a decade of spinning their wheels, they’re never going to open was to change their motto to “A food co-op is a marathon and not a sprint.” But as any runner will tell you, even marathons have a finish line.

Even if they finally did manage to find a suitable building, unless they’re the only option in a food desert, these kinds of co-ops can no longer compete. And Elgin, with all its organic grocery options in a myriad of chain store choices is about as far from that possibility as possible.

Return your investors’ money Shared Co-op because I’m pressuring the state’s attorney into opening an investigation into your finances.


Erin Rehberg

I’m not nearly finished with Elgin Cultural Arts Commission

Considering their propensity to bestow all of the arts grants upon each other, my New Year’s resolution is to continue to expose the Elgin Cultural Arts Commission for the hypocrites they really are. And that particularly applies to Second Street Studios owner and outgoing CAC chairman Erin Rehberg and her Elon Musk-size entitlement mentality.

I’m sure Rehberg meant well when she was appointed to the commission ten years ago. But as is too often the case, once that group realized no one was watching, they formed a tacit click with artists on the outside having no shot at funding.

Elgin also appears to have a new poet laureate, and while he seems like a reasonable young man, considering the previous PL Memorial Day debacle, I want to be sure that there’s no city money involved this time.

Let’s just say the FOIA’s will soon start flying.


So, there you have it! 2023 in a three-part nutshell. In the works of the great Sherman Potter, let’s hope 2024 “is a damn sight better.”

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