The fat lady’s warming up on Judge Noland!

Remember when I previously declared, “…before my beloved Kane County judges hit the bar (the drinking kind) at 1:30 (they never work a full day) in celebration, should one of them misbehave, I’ll come out of semi-retirement faster than Agent Orange can lose a war to Denmark?”

It didn’t take very long now, did it?  Oh! And for reference purposes, those judges hit the bars at 10:30 a.m. on Fridays. God forbid any of ’em should ever put in a full work week. 

I’m sure you recall some of Judge Michael Noland’s sordid history because I’ve covered it all right here. From driving without insurance to the police throwing him out of a polling place to suing the state for back pay after he made a very public point of forgoing it, he’s a complete and unmitigated piece of shit.

Mike’s favorite hobbies include:

•         Pathologically lying
•         Cheating on his wife
•         Making up the law as he goes along, and
•         Seeing just how low his IQ can sink

And that’s on his good days.

After I regularly exposed this incompetent bleep, former 16th Circuit and retired Appellate Judge Bob Spence took it a step further by encouraging the voters not to retain Noland. He based his sound advice on the same incompetence, Noland’s lack of any legal ability, and his blatant disregard for the law.

In all of my 19 years at the keyboard, I’ve NEVER seen a former sitting judge willingly destroy another sitting judge in this effective manner. I’ve previously noted how all of the folks in the Judicial Center loathe each other, but they NEVER take those grievances public. Aside from a really good epithet, the word that best describes Mike Noland’s political/judicial tenure is “unprecedented.”

Because, in addition to yours truly and Justice Spence, Kane County State’s attorney Jamie Mosser is about to jump on the “I can’t take Mike Noland’s abject stupidity anymore” bandwagon. At least I’m in good company this time. Normally I’m stuck with the rest of you fuckin’ rabble. Though come to think of it, even that’s better than having to deal with a gaggle of KC ASAs. 

So, what step did our illustrious State’s Attorney take, you ask? Why, I’ll be happy to tell you!

But you first have to understand that Judge Noland is all set to preside over this weekend’s Pre-Trial Fairness Act bond call. Fearing she’ll be blamed for all the havoc the “judge” will inevitably wreak, Mosser will file a motion for cause Saturday morning to remove Noland from that position. Her office will essentially be saying that, since he refuses to rule within the bounds of the law, he should be prohibited from doing so.

And that my friends is unprecedented outside of Cook County where the rules never apply to anyone anyway. It is truly monumental for a state’s attorney to risk judicial scorn by asking them to remove one of their own from a bond call.

So, what happens next? That’s hard to say. The motion will have to be heard by Chief Judge Robert Villa, or Presiding Felony Court Judge John Barsanti, likely tomorrow morning (2/1) after they move the Saturday proceedings to Sunday morning. My source tells me it’s unlikely Noland will be stripped of those duties, but that was before they knew I was gonna sweeten the pot – hypothetically, of course.

Since this journalist possesses an unshakeable faith in his fellow human beings (Stop laughing, or else!), I’m convinced that, whether it’s Judge Villa or Barsanti, they’ll do the right thing. But if they chose not to, I swear I will come out of semi-retirement faster than you can say “Jeff Ward fuckin’ sucks!” and focus on their most recent rulings for two solid months.

Not to mention spending a great deal of time in their courtrooms for the foreseeable future. And having to come out of semi-retirement will make me very, very cranky.

Though that was a A LOT of fun to say, the sad truth is, in order for the KCSAO’s motion to prevail, they have to prove Judge Noland is prejudiced against the State, or one or more of the defendants involved. And despite whatever you or I think, rank stupidity does not add up to prejudice. My guess is Ms. Mosser is embarking upon this course of action to, a; stage a peremptory strike against Noland letting the wrong defendant go, and, b; to start building a public case for Noland’s eventual removal.

That said, I might go after Villa or Barsanti anyway because somebody’s gotta do it and it may was well be me.

The bottom line is, if Jeff Ward, Jamie Mosser, and Bob Spence actually agree on something, then Mike Noland has got to go.