Quick Hits – September 8, 2017

The real court officers of Kane County

As if the prospect of getting justice in the 16th Circuit wasn’t a proposition already fraught with peril, it gets worse. Though y’all know I’m prone to fits of hyperbole, I’m not so sure it’s an exaggeration to say that, whether it’s Peck Road and Route 38, or Third Street in Geneva, everybody’s sleeping with everybody else.

And it ain’t necessarily with their husbands or wives, either.

Alright, it’s not that bad. As I’ve previously stipulated, there are some great people in the Kane County justice system, but whenever defense attorneys sleep with prosecutors and judges boink both sides, it’s a problem. Inter- and intra-office affairs don’t make the situation any better, either.

Workplace Affairs

Look! For the most part, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about who gets busy with whom. If they happen to be married at the time, it’s generally something that should be left between spouses. But when these “relationships” screw justice (pun intended), it does become a problem.

What do you think happens when a judge’s paramour appears before him or her, or someone comes up for a high level position? It gives a whole new meaning to the term “special treatment.”

Again, it ain’t all of ‘em, but one is one too many.

Even if the people involved aren’t married, sleeping with an opposite-side attorney, a judge, or even an interoffice affair can create the kind of bias that means we regular folks always lose. Not to mention what can happen when one of these dalliances ends badly, as most do.

Worse yet, when career advancement is based on who you boinked, and not talent and hard work, it does a massive disservice to the folks who actually abide by all the ethical standards.

The citizens of Kane County deserve far better than this bullshit. I know workplace affairs aren’t nearly limited to our justice system, but the folks charged with enforcing our legal standard should always be held to a higher one. They’re supposed to uphold the system, not subvert it.

By their very nature, certain jobs bring limits. Since no one put a gun to anyone’s head and said “you have to be a prosecutor, judge, defense attorney, or public defender,” you implicitly accept those limits the second you sign on.

So, to the prosecutors, defense attorneys, and especially judges, who insist on pulling this stupid shit, you have one month to clean up your act. After that, I start naming names. And I always know the names because the people disgusted with this kind of unprofessional rutting always come to me about it.

Not only that, but if any of the good guys see something that’s clearly compromising the system, you can always find me at jeffnward@comcast.net. Your privacy is guaranteed. Trust me, due diligence will be performed, but it’s not terribly difficult to confirm this kind of thing.

Put more simply, if you won’t police yourselves, I will.


An article about nothing?

Apparently the folks at the Daily Herald have been watching too many Seinfeld reruns. Because just like that show about nothing, now, the Daily Herald is writing about nothing. I know this sounds like a Jeff Ward joke, but I kid you not!

“Gurnee says no evidence of Klan activity,” the headline blared. Then the story went on to recount how the Gurnee Police have uncovered no Ku Klux Klan activity for the last 30 years. So now the lack of news is news?

Though I certainly appreciate the Daily Herald going out of their way to prove all of my previous points, not even I thought they could get this silly. But rather than rail against that paper one more time; rather than spit into the wind for the 3,742 time; perhaps it’s time to simply accept this new journalistic standard.


So, it’s in that very vein that, in an effort to make peace, I will generously provide the Daily Herald with a slew of story ideas about things that haven’t happened:

  • The aliens haven’t landed
  • Donald Trump behaved presidentially
  • Illinois balanced their budget
  • The North Koreans have not invaded Waukegan
  • An asteroid did not strike Luxembourg
  • Godzilla did not appear in the ocean outside Japan
  • Bigfoot has not been discovered

I’m sure I can come up with more, but that oughtta keep those editors busy for a while.

Come to think of it, writing about nothing could greatly improve that paper, because, when their reporters actually write about something, they get it wrong.

The DH completely blew their coverage of the SB1 education funding bill getting almost every material fact wrong in one article. Then, another reporter wrote an entire piece about a line item in a Kane County Board resolution that had already been removed from that resolution.

Perhaps writing about nothing is the best thing that that paper could do. It worked for Jerry Seinfeld.


Quick Hits – September 6, 2017

Governor Rauner compromises? No wonder it’s so cold out!

So, we have school funding? And school funding reform, no less? If any of y’all had told me, after two years of abject budget battle brutality, Governor Rauner would’ve compromised on this loaded topic, I would’ve told your significant other to lock up the liquor cabinet.

But we do have it, and suddenly I’m seriously considering the prospect that the Governor may actually want to, well, govern! Hopefully I won’t get too far ahead of myself here because, as that great philosopher Craig Ferguson once said, “I’ve been hurt before!”

But no sooner was that bill in the bag, than my liberal compatriots managed to utterly aggravate the shit out of me one more time. You see, now they’re the ones bitchin’ about getting just 90 percent of what they wanted.

Rauner 4

And if I’m gonna give the Governor crap for beefing about a 90 percent political win – something rarer that a Trump supporter with a brain – then my progressive friends are going to get both barrels.

What’s wrong with you people? I understand school vouchers are heinous contrivances that will eventually be found unconstitutional, but the best compromises always make both sides a bit unhappy. Furthermore, the word “compromise,” as derived from the Latin “compromissum,” means “mutual promise.”

That means that both sides have to offer something in order for it to be a “compromise.” To quote that great philosopher Mark Knopfler, you never get “your money for nothing and your chicks for free.”

As U-46 CEO Tony Sanders basically said, he’s not happy with the voucher part, but he can live with the 90 percent of the bill he likes. In fact, I told him that kind of massive political victory means he should celebrate by running around Bartlett naked and now I can’t get that mage out of my head.

Goddamn liberals!


School vouchers suck!

Just when I think I’m about to turn to the dark side, conservatives display the kind of contemptible hypocrisy that makes me long for a hug from Michael Moore. Because nothing says big government, religious intolerance and “unconstitutional” like school vouchers.

Why should I have to pay one cent for your Ill-mannered progeny to attend propaganda camp? This country was founded on the proposition that Church and State should always be separate and school vouchers ain’t it.

School Vouchers


How do I know this? I went to nine years of Catholic school and graduated from Loyola University of Chicago and those folks would have you believe that:

  • A virgin gave birth
  • Your wife will go to hell if she grabs your attacker by the balls
  • Polyester is a mortal sin
  • You can end a marriage by saying it never happened
  • You can pay your way into heaven
  • A man was swallowed by a whale, and
  • There’s a man in the sky watching over you all the time

The irony, of course, is, it was those wicked Loyola Jesuits who provided the ammunition for me to finally renounce that level of insanity, which in no way helps the cultural situation. Once you get people to believe in that kind of stupid shit, it’s not that hard to get them to believe in more stupid shit – Donald Trump, for example.

Please don’t think I’m picking on Catholics. With the exception of Zen Buddhism, none of the other major religions are any better. Don’t get me started on the Church of Latter Day Saints or Scientology, either.

Yes! I understand these vouchers can be used to attend any private school, and Yes! I understand they’re supposed to give underprivileged kids a shot a private education. But 83 percent of U.S. private schools are Christian and Illinois charter schools were supposed to primarily serve poor children.

But it certainly didn’t work out that way, did it? Just ask the Governor, who thought New Trier wasn’t good enough for his daughter and he paid her way into Chicago’s Payton High Charter School.

The bottom line is, school vouchers are patently unconstitutional and conservatives should be banned. There! I finally said it.


The sugar tax is coming! The sugar tax is coming!

Speaking of Governor Rauner, I’ve received a slew of calls from furious Republican Kane County Board members who’d like nothing more than to see the Governor’s head served up on a silver platter.

Apparently that Catholic education wasn’t all bad. (Look it up!)

In an effort to rally the troops, that crack Rauner campaign team hit Facebook and other social media with a “Stop the sugar tax from coming to Kane County” meme. And since it takes very little to rile today’s conservative voters – except for Nazi’s, of course – those board members have been inundated with irate constituents demanding the head of anyone who approves a Cook County-esque soft drink tax.

So, instead of making county government work better, these board members are spending all their time explaining that Kane County is considering no such thing.

All it would’ve taken to avoid this snafu, is a slight shift in the wording. Something like, “Don’t let the sugar tax come to your county!” would’ve been fine, but that wouldn’t have gotten nearly as many Kane County chicken littles to sign onto the campaign.

The irony (we’ve used that word a lot today) is, because conservatives have the attention span of a gnat on speed, this campaign “tactic” may well create a “throw all the Kane County Board bums out” mentality. And since the message was aimed at Republicans, well, you know the end of that story.

The governors and his people never seem to miss an opportunity to get it wrong!


What’s wrong with Geneva parents?

So there I am, walking the dog in my parka this morning, when I see all manner of children heading to the middle school bus or elementary school building in nothing but a t-shirt and shorts.

Ok, Ok! It was a balmy 44 degrees and I wasn’t wearing any arctic gear, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the kinda chilly morning that made midsummer gear utterly inappropriate.

If natural selection were to take its course and render these children sterile – or worse (sadly, it’s too late for their parents), I’d be OK with it. But that’s not what’s going to happen.

What’s going to happen is, with their immune systems already compromised from 90 pounds of sugar and 32 hours of video gaming a day, they’ll shortly get sick and pass the plague along to all the other children, who will pass it along to the adults.

If you ever wondered how the least common denominator brings everyone else down, this is a perfect example.

In all fairness, I’m picking on Genevans because that’s what I see every day – I’m sure the rest of Kane County is no better. But it does make wonder if middle class white people have abrogated their parental responsibility to the point where they’re not willing to say “no” to their children about anything?

That’s certainly seems to be the case in my south Fisher Farms neighborhood.

For those of you who were clearly raised by wolves, it is not appropriate to send your child to school in a t-shirt and shorts when it’s under 60 degrees. A sweatshirt or jacket, and perhaps long pants, would be a far better choice. It’s called actually being a parent.

Please try it sometime.

Quick Hits – August 30, 2017

Give the ESO a break!

Apparently, there are mixed feeling over the City of Elgin forgiving $161,000 of a $183,000 loan to the Elgin Symphony Orchestra. I get it! At a time when taxpayers are at the breaking point, the last thing any city council should do is turn away black ink.

I also understand the ESO has had their moments over the last six or seven years, none of which we really need to be repeated here. Suffice it to say that regularly dealing with artists is a lot like trying to herd squirrels across Larkin Avenue just as the high school inmates are being released.

To say they’re certainly not political folk is a massive understatement.


But I’m OK with letting the loan go because the ESO has truly has made an effort to turn things around. New CEO Dave Bearden has brought balance to the fiscal force, calmed those former turbulent musician waters and attendance has grown to almost 1,000 patrons a performance.

And I don’t see that $161,000 as a gift as much as it is an investment.

With that debt off the books, that ESO balance sheet will be far more attractive to those all-important grant givers, which means any future City bailout will be far less likely.

Then there’s the fact that the ESO truly is a jewel in the crown of The City in the Suburbs (I still hate that motto). They’re a world class ensemble that puts on stellar performances for eminently reasonable prices. And a slew of the folks who make it to The Hemmens avail themselves of Elgin’s eating and drinking establishments before and after performances.

So with the ESO self-sufficient, bringing in outside grants and boosting the local economy, that $161,000 is money well-spent. At least Elgin ain’t being blackmailed into paying for a new stadium to benefit a $500 billion NFL team!

All that said, were I an Elgin City Councilman, a terrifying prospect if there ever was one, I would add a loan forgiveness clause that made it clear that, if the ESO goes off the rails again within the next five years, that loan balance gets reinstated. And “off the rails” would be determined by a council majority vote.

As for me, I love the ESO! My wife and I got to meet Leonard Nimoy after a performance some five years ago and I still haven’t washed the hand he shook. Considering some of the previous dire proclamations, I’m glad this one’s working out.


Get out of my way!

On the grand scale of things that truly matter in this existence, this probably wouldn’t make the top 500. But we all have our pet peeves and some situations are simply symptomatic of a greater cultural epidemic.

To wit, the act aggravating me most lately is grocery and big box store employees who not only get in your way, but block you from getting to something you were looking for.

It happened this month at the Batavia Trader Joes. I was heading down the frozen food aisle when a young woman carrying a box of light breakfast items made a 90 degree turn and put herself and the box right in front of me. I had to stop short not to run into her.

It’s a common occurrence at the St. Charles Meijer, too. Why, this week, one of the staff was so mesmerized by his cell phone, I had to leap out of his way as he plowed down a main aisle.

Though this should be a matter of common courtesy, since parents no longer impart manners, someone’s got to make these employees understand that, without customers, they wouldn’t get paid. Sure! If someone’s rolling a huge stack of carts in or wheeling a ton of boxes down an aisle, I’ll step aside. But the customer should get the right of way in all other cases.

And that includes moving boxes and their conveyances out of the way if we’re trying to get at something.

Most customers understand this principle and apply it themselves. I’ll patiently wait for senior citizens, give mothers with children a break and generally let women go first because that’s the way I was raised.

It’s a very simply concept. Within the bounds of reason, defer to the folks who make that paycheck possible. Thank you for hearing me out.


LSAT prep!

Former Elgin City Councilman John Prigge, who actually can write, and I were engaged in a fascinating journalistic philosophical discussion when he asked if I’d read his latest piece. When I replied I was too busy trying to sell my children into white slavery and doing LSAT prep, he said he’d “like to see a picture of that.”

I asked “which one,” and John replied that it didn’t matter.

So, since the whole white slavery thing could get me in trouble with the Feds, I thought it would be more prudent to go with the LSAT photographs.

For the uninitiated, and those who simply haven’t been paying attention, one must take the LSAT to get into law school, a place I will be heading in the fall of 2018. NIU to be more specific.

And I have to say the LSAT is a fascinating proposition. It’s nothing like the SAT, ACT or any other standardized test I’ve ever taken. One of my favorite Kane County attorneys likes to say this about the LSAT, “Preparing for a test that fails to reliably reflect the future lawyering skills it purports to gauge is big business.”

She’s dead on!

To her point, I would scream at those sample test questions because:

  • They often bear no resemblance to any reality I’ve ever encountered.
  • Some of the reading comprehension passages are so poorly written they make Daily Herald reporters look good.
  • Some questions contain the kind of factual inaccuracies that make it hard to get past them to the multiple choice answers.
  • The LSAT folks employ college logic class terms that no one uses in real life.
  • The LSAT folks truly enjoy trying to trick test takers.

And I’m guessing they don’t want people to suddenly start shrieking and swearing in the middle of the test. But once I realized that:

  • You have to suspend reality and approach those questions as if they are the truth.
  • You need to low your way through those passages despite and problematic prose.
  • The test is designed to determine whether 21 year-olds can construct and deconstruct the basic building blocks of an argument.
  • Three of the five offered answers can almost always be eliminated right away.

I started doing alright!

And wouldn’t you know! Being an 11-year journalist finally has a benefit in that it prepares you for LSAT questions, especially those in the reading comprehension sections. Silly me! I was beginning to think that writing would never pay off!

It also doesn’t hurt that, Dave Killoran, the author of the PowerScore suite of LSAT prep books, responds to email question regarding overarching test theories. He’s been very helpful.

So, thank you for asking, John. It’s actually going quite well!


Taking some time off!

Speaking of law school, since I will be visiting the NIU hallowed halls version and sitting in on a class or two on Friday afternoon, there will be no Friday Quick Hits.

You never know, I could be inspired by something, but it looks like I’ll be relaxing on Labor Day as well.

But I guarantee you I’ll be back next Wednesday with more great stories!

Quick Hits – August 28, 2017

It’s called “leadership,” Governor!

Before he made it big, Boz Scaggs would fire his entire band on a yearly basis, because they had to be the reason for his lack of mainstream success. Not only does this mentality belie the kind of immaturity that means you never have to take responsibility for yourself, but if you do make it to the bigtime, does that mean you owe it all to your band?

I’d be willing to bet that Mr. Scaggs never make that leap of logic.

So, after he went all-or-nothing on the pointless budget battle and lost, Governor Rauner fired his entire senior staff. You know, the ones he never listened to in the first place because he knows everything about everything, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t their fault!

I’m not sure I followed that sentence, and I wrote it.


Not one to learn from experience or his mistakes, Rauner immediately replaced those canned folks with a slew of alt-right ideologues straight outta the Illinois Policy Institute. What could possibly go wrong with that?

I’ll tell you what went wrong with that!

In a press release response that anyone but the Governor could’ve easily predicted, those IPI fanatics cited the Governer’s “whiteness’ as the reason for his lack of condemnation of a racially charged political cartoon.

This, of course, did not reflect well on the Governor, so he fired them, too!

That ain’t governing folks! And anyone who thinks it is, is just as immature, egotistical and petty as Bruce Rauner insists on painting himself on a regular basis.

Look! I understand that, whether we’re talking mayor, county chairman, or governor, it’s a very difficult proposition. You don’t get a vote, at least 50 percent of the aldermen, board members or generally assembly are fucking nuts, and you get blamed for pretty much everything that happens.

But Bruce! Not only did you choose to “interview” for the position, you spent untold millions of your own dollars to get there. So to say I have no sympathy for you whatsoever is the most massive of understatements.

You chose to be a leader, so lead!


Kojzarek gets it right?

Ever since the upside down tattoo incident (don’t ask), I’ve been biding my time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring the wrath of God down on Kane County Board member Kurt Kojzarek.

If anyone deserves it, he does!

For example, if Kurt ever decides to run for pope, I’d bring up the whole stripper thing (Go ahead and ask!). But not only has Kurt failed to provide me with that kind of opportunity, he did a really good thing recently that I just can’t let go.

Kurt Kojzarek

Kane County Board Member Kurt Kojzarek and not a stripper

My least favorite county board member put forward the notion that, with Elgin’s Grand Victoria gambling boat hemorrhaging profits from the proliferation of video gaming machines to the point where their charitable grant to the county is at an all-time low, the municipalities who approved video gaming should receive no further riverboat grants.

To be clear, this proposed ban DOES NOT include social service agencies. Kurt simply, and correctly, concluded that municipalities who allowed video gaming can now use their own cash to cover those former riverboat bases.

For example, the City of St. Charles recently received $71,000 in riverboat cash for creek improvement. But if Kurt’s measure passes, since that city allows video gaming, they would no longer be eligible for it.

This isn’t a punitive thing, it’s simply a matter of accepting the consequences for your choices. If you reduce the total amount of grant money by competing directly with the boat to benefit your municipality, then you shouldn’t receive anything more from the boat.

All that said, I can’t tell you how much it pains to have to admit that Kojzarek was finally right about something. I suppose I should be grateful it doesn’t happen very often.


Wishing Michael Butirro the best

Larry Jones and I played host to a number of memorable radio show guests over the years, but one that sticks out in my mind is Elgin’s Chooch’s Pizzeria co-owner Michael Butirro. Mike approached us to discuss his quest to bring legalized sports betting to Elgin.

And while I don’t remember much of that conversation, I do remember Mike’s kindness, his unrelenting support for the city he loves and a personality that drew you in like a magnet. Michael Butirro is the kind of guy I’d love to be, but before y’all get your hopes up, I ain’t never gonna be.


You see, for every ten Mike Butirros, there’s gotta be at least one Jeff Ward. I think it’s in an equation found somewhere in Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity.

Sadly, after his brother suffered a stroke in November, Mike shut down Chooch’s at the end of business last Saturday evening. As he put it, “It’s time to sell and take care of the family.”

Mike! Though this isn’t setting the bar nearly high enough, you’re a better man than I’ll ever be. Larry and I wish you nothing but the best as you move on to these newer challenges. Your family’s gain is Elgin’s loss.


A unanimous Daily Herald verdict

Y’all are really starting to scare me!

As one of my great former managing editors used to say, “Jeff! You can’t get 10 people to agree the sky is blue,” yet the responses to my column castigating the Daily Herald for covering Elgin City Councilman, John Steffen’s daughter’s Washington D.C. protest arrest have been utterly unanimous.

And it’s a truly terrifying prospect to consider!

You all think that attacking me, calling me names and generally applying your rabble tendencies will eventually get my goat, but nothing could be further from the truth. I actually love that shit! But if you start being civil and generally agreeing with me, I may have to reevaluate my entire approach to life.

In any event, it was gratifying to see so many of you understand that what the DH did to Councilman Steffen was pure unadulterated bullshit. Not that they’ll learn anything from it.





Quick Hits – August 25, 2017

Sometimes the KCSAO gets it right

The contentious Tri-Cities topic du jour seems to be the lack of charges filed against the young Aurora woman who killed a 57 year-old Batavia father of two as she sped through a red light. Not only is the topic all the buzz on social media, but local elected officials are fielding calls from constituents unhappy with a perceived a lack of zeal on the part of Kane County State’s Attorney Joe McMahon.

To fill in the blanks, at about 8:30 a.m. on July 9, Noel Lounsbury, 28, was heading north on Randall Road when she ran the  red light at McKee Street, colliding with and killing Terry Starck as he made a legal left turn onto Randall Road. Lounsberry was doing 53 mph at the time.

The reason this story supplanted the Campana Building in our collective unconscious is Lounsberry made a social media point of bragging about regularly getting out of speeding tickets. And when you consider what she has been cited for, she ain’t exactly a stellar driver.

Prior to Starck’s untimely death, since 2006, Lounsbury has received five traffic tickets, two for going 15 to 20 miles over the limit, and two for driving without insurance. The other was a seatbelt violation, and that’s just Kane County.

Lounsbury is also an attractive woman, which makes you wonder just how many speeding tickets she talked herself out of. So, that means this one is also on all the officers who let young women go because they bat their eyelashes so nicely at them. Male police officers have got to stop pulling this shit – just write ‘em up!

At least she had insurance this time.

Given her inappropriate social media posts, the pitchfork and torch rabble is demanding her hide in the form of reckless homicide charges. But that’s a really high standard. You have to engage in the kind of gross negligence that means you’re behavior reasonably could cause someone’s death.

And being a consistently bad driver ain’t it.

McMahon was dead on when he told reporters, “These are the appropriate charges. There was no evidence of drugs, alcohol, texting, driving at an excessive speed or recklessness. This traffic crash had horrific results and the driver cited was at fault, but she did not commit a felony.”


The truth is, when I do 53 down Randall Road, by the other drivers’ reaction, you’d think I just murdered one of their children.

But Lounsbury ain’t nearly out of the woods, either! While the police and prosecutors can’t take prior bad acts into account when filing charges, the judge can when it comes to sentencing.

And there are any number of civil remedies available to Mr. Starck’s family, too. I’m betting her insurance won’t cover the inevitable damages and, though I’ve gotten really good at it, civil litigation is no fun, either. Whether she declares bankruptcy or not, her credit will be destroyed, she may never have a house in her name, insurance will be difficult to come by and Starcks’ children can sue her for the loss of their father – after she declares bankruptcy.

I understand that’s a very small consolation, but I’d much rather face criminal consequences and be done with them than to have to deal with that slow civil drip for the rest of my life. And I don’t care who you are, it won’t be easy living with a man’s blood on your hands.

This was a tragedy borne of the arrogance and immature stupidity of a 28 year-old poor excuse for a human being that shouldn’t have a driver’s license, but it’s not reckless homicide. Joe McMahon got this one right.


The DH does it again!

Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the journalistic water, the Daily Herald somehow manages to sink to a new low. Considering the depths to which that paper has already descended, I didn’t think it was possible.

Apparently, Elgin City Councilman John Steffen’s adult daughter – who lives in Rhode Island, no less – was charged with felony rioting, misdemeanor assault on a police officer and destruction of property as a result of participating in an anti-Trump inauguration protest in Washington D.C. Those protesters broke the windows of a Bank of America, Starbucks and McDonald’s.

First, 200 people were charged with exactly the same thing, which means the younger Steffen probably had no hand in the actual violence. They simply charge everyone with everything, a favorite Fed tactic, to prevent guilty pleas and get the protesters to rat each other out.

Daily Herald Building

Second, contrary to all the stupid – and I do mean stupid because no other word fits  – newspaper and social media commentary, the prosecutors actually have to prove she did those things. Until then, she’s innocent.

Third, while the Enquirer…I mean DH, was busy running this non-new story, they completely missed the fact that, while the Orangeman-in-Chief blatantly uses federal officers to quell legal dissent, he repeatedly advocated violence against protestors at his own campaign rallies.

Fourth, even if she is found guilty, when do the sins of the daughter ever apply to the father? (And vice versa.) Put more simply, why does the Daily Herald feel such a great need to embarrass Alderman Steffen?

Lastly, where’s the news value here? It’s as close to porn as you can get without the nudity. And what local story did the DH fail to cover by going with this one? One of my favorite former managing editors called this “complete bullshit.” I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Since we all know the DH didn’t figure this one out on their own, it makes you wonder who spilled the beans. Though, to tell you the truth, I’m not wondering at all.

For the Daily Herald to go after lower hanging future fruit, they’re going to have to start digging holes under apple trees. Please cancel your subscriptions to that paper people so something else can rise in its place.

Repeat after me, the Daily Herald sucks!

Quick Hits – Aurora privatizing DUI prosecutions? Nope!

And this one ain’t gonna be quick despite saying only half of I really wanted to say. I’d promise a part 2, but I haven’t been very good in that regard so we’ll see.


This is yet another column that requires a number of stipulation to correctly set the stage, so let’s get them out of the way right away:

1. Not only is Aurora Police Chief Kristen Ziman one of the best there is, but, in the eight years we’ve known each other, I’ve never questioned her law enforcement intentions for a second. And that’s still the case.

2.  Municipalities are under immense pressure to stop balancing their budgets on the backs of the taxpayers.

3. Contrary to conventional wisdom, when a local ticket winds up in a Kane County courtroom, the issuing municipality gets a very small portion of any fine.

4. When, as is the City of Aurora’s fate, you must send officers to four separate county court buildings to prosecute cases, it gets expensive to the tune of 100 grand of overtime a year.

5. Most Kane County municipalities have already hired private attorneys or law firms to prosecute city ordinance violations.

6. We need to get chronic drunk drivers off the street.

Though I’m not prone to slippery slope arguments, with all those stipulations issued, the City of Aurora’s push to hire a private law firm to prosecute DUI cases makes me very, very nervous. It’s not that I doubt Mayor Irvin, the Chief, or the City Council, because I don’t. It’s the language they’re using and the conflict of interest they’re missing that makes me suspect.

To wit, 9th Ward Alderman Ed Bugg said, “Nearly all municipalities are going to this,” to which my sainted mother would’ve replied, “And if all your friends wanted to jump off a cliff, would you do it too?” The fact that everybody’s doing something is never a good reason to do something. In fact, my experience has been it’s always a clear sign that you shouldn’t do it.

As I’ve also frequently pointed out, city councils love to use that argument when it means more revenue, but they never seem to employ it when means making a tax cut.

Then,Chief Ziman said this move would “save the city money and bring more money in.”

That makes me even more nervous. I understand she meant that officers would avoid all that travel and Aurora would get a bigger chunk of those hefty DUI fines, but finances should never be the first consideration when discussing anything regarding our justice system.


My favorite TV judge’s favorite saying is, “Lo barato sale caro,” or “the cheap comes out expensive.” Just ask the State of Kansas why they can’t hire enough teachers to staff their classrooms, and I’ve never heard of a happy Yugo owner.

Privatizing things isn’t always the answer, either. Just ask the Illinois Lottery Board or consider how the City of Chicago’s red light camera program turned out.

Then, just to make me sweat a little bit more, Kim DiGiovanni, the principal of the law firm that would take over those Aurora DUI prosecutions, noted that Elgin DUI arrests were up 38 percent the first year they took over their cases.

While I’m all for DUI arrests, that kind of statistically significant leap makes me downright skittish. Part of that can be attributed to DiGiovanni training officers how to better handle drunk driving arrest, but I hold Elgin police officers in the highest esteem and I can’t imagine how they could possibly have been that “off.”

The Kane County State’s Attorney’s office may have fallen greatly in my estimation as of late, but there’s still a sense that justice is served whenever you’re dealing with “The People.” Of course, those public prosecutors pay attention to their conviction rate, but the best of them tend to take things on a case-by-case basis.

Conversely, a private attorney’s performance review will consist solely of that conviction rate and the ensuing revenue stream. So some poor schmuck with a perfect driving record has one too many at the office Christmas party, and they won’t nearly get the same consideration they’d get from a KCSAO prosecutor.

But here’s what really bothers me!

DiGiovanni maintains a criminal law practice in Kane and DuPage Counties. Though her firm is barred from defending DUI cases where she’s a contract prosecutor, she’s still using her DUI defense knowledge and case experience to help municipalities make more arrests and get more convictions. Meanwhile, in cities where DiGiovanni is not a prosecutor, she uses her knowledge and experience as a DUI prosecutor to get her criminal defendants off the hook.

It’s the abject worst kind of playing both ends to the middle. It reminds me of Michael Madigan writing the Illinois property tax laws, and then reaping millions as his law firm gets their clients all sorts of exemptions.

But it gets worse!

Aurora was smart enough to bar the DiGiovanni firm from defending any criminal case in that jurisdiction, but not every municipality is that smart. So, through their DUI training and all those prosecutions, the DiGiovanni firm is consistently building relationships with the arresting officers who will be witnesses in non-DUI criminal cases.

And, as anyone who’s ever set foot in that eminently incestuous building at Route 38 and Peck Road already knows, those relationships are EVERYTHING. So, the DiGiovanni law firm defendants will enjoy an automatic leg up.

If that firm was willing to give up all criminal defense clients everywhere, I might be OK with this. You see, I like it when my prosecutors are prosecutors and my defense attorneys are defense attorneys. You can’t be both.

Again, I want to compliment Chief Ziman and the Aurora City Council for their faithful stewardship of the taxpayer buck, and I love the Chief’s notion of using those savings to start a DUI prevention program. It’s unfortunate that Aurora sits in four counties, but the critical nature of our justice system means that some things are always gonna be expensive.

And ain’t real justice worth it?

Having private attorneys prosecute misdemeanors? It’s not a perfect solution, but I can live with it. Having private attorneys prosecute DUI cases? It’s a really bad idea. Perhaps a better solution would be for the City of Aurora to assume the bulk of a KCSAO prosecutor’s salary, who would then toil in that local Aurora courtroom.

Though I fervently believe I’m spitting in the wind for the 762nd time, y’all know I’m right!



P.S. I did reach out to Ms. DiGiovanni in a number of ways only to get no response. That says quite a bit, doesn’t it?

(DH reporter Sue Sarkauskus contributed to this story in a significant way.)



Quick Hits – The concert critic version!

Another great GVC concert

And it may well be the best concert I’ve ever been to.

Of course, we’re talking about the Yestival last Saturday evening at Elgin’s Festival Park featuring Carl Palmer, of Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Todd Rundgren and Rock and Roll Hall of Famers, Yes! And all three of those amazing rock icons clearly showed that if you avoid the worst of the partying and reasonably take care of yourself, age is no barrier to putting on a good show.


The 67 year-old Palmer attacked the drums like a man one-third his age with something to prove. It was fascinating to see the drummer be the center of power trio with no vocalist, too. In fact, I enjoyed the instrumental version of ‘Lucky Man’ so much that I didn’t catch the absence of lyrics until my wife mentioned it.

As the opening act, Palmer only got a half-hour to perform, so we’ll have to catch him when he comes around as the main act.

Then, Todd Rundgren was un-fucking-believable. The 69 year-old Pennsylvanian absolutely commanded the stage as he moved around about like he was still 25, occasionally dancing in perfect unison with his two young backup singers/dancers.

While I would’ve liked to see him perform all of his standards:

·         Bang on the Drum All Day

·         We Gotta Get You a Woman

·         I Saw the Light

·         Can We Still Be Friends?

in the end, I didn’t mind that most of the set came from his eminently political 2015 ‘Global’ album. Since the show, I have to say that I’ve been listening to ‘Rise’ quite a bit. The answer to that eminently old fart question; “where has all the good music gone?” is Todd Rundgren is still doing it!

Rundgren did do a jazzier version of ‘Hello It’s Me’ and ‘One World’ from his Utopia days, but the bottom line is, if he comes around as the main act, I’ll be there.

And what can one say about Yes? I know it’s hard to imagine them without Jon Anderson and Rick Wakeman – and that breakup certainly was a sad one – but John Davison handled that countertenor role with aplomb and the rest of the group was unbelievably tight on the most complex of those complex Yes songs.

Back in those Evanston St. Nick’s early ‘70s school days, if you listened to ‘Roundabout,’ you were cool. And I’ve purchased every Yes piece of Vinyl to come out since that time. I’m not saying that loving Yes makes you more popular – especially in my case, but perhaps it does make you suck a little bit less!


Give the GVC credit too

The truth is, I haven’t been to a bad concert at Festival Park, but this one was exceptionally good. I’m starting to think those Grand Victoria folks have somehow figured out how to order up the best weather, too!

Given Manchester, everyone’s a bit more circumspect about concerts these days – especially open-air venues, but the GVC employed just the right amount of caution so that attendees felt safe, but didn’t walk away saying, “This was even worse that the TSA!”

The metal detecting wands and backpack searches slowed entry down a bit, especially for the lawn seat folks, but the crowd understood and the minor delays led to some interesting in-line conversations.

grand victoria

Between the City of Elgin and the Casino, Festival Park is always in great shape, there’s enough space to move around, there were enough porta-potties, the concessions lines never got too bad and the memorabilia and food prices weren’t ridiculous, either.

I picked up an Carl Palmer autographed  ‘Brain Salad Surgery’ LP for just 30 bucks and a really nice 100 percent cotton embroidered Yes baseball cap for $25. A bottle of water was only $2 and a Mike’s Hard Lemonade was just seven bucks.

Meanwhile, a light beer was $13 at the Soldier Field U2 concert.

Best of all, the sound was virtually perfect, and that’s a real bonus when you’re listening to an intricate band like Yes.

The 3,500 person crowd was great, too. Happy, polite, considerate and we old folks actually got to sit throughout the entire show.

I wish the GVC would put on more concerts, especially those of the classic rock variety, but I’ll take whatever I can get. Perhaps if the state of the State of Illinois ever improves, they’ll finally get that permanent stage.

But for now, here’s to people who know how to put on a concert!


 The EPD was great

Yes! (Pun intended!) The acts have to be good, the venue has to work and the sound system is important too. But a great police presence puts the icing on the concert cake, and those find EPD folks somehow strike the balance between making their presence known, but not deterring anyone from having a good time.


To wit, the EPD:

·         Makes it so easy to get in and out of the park.

·         Regularly smiled and greeted concert goers.

·         Always responded to a cheery “Hello!” in kind.

·         Were circumspect about dealing with folks who may have had one too many

Best of all, though they don’t make it obvious, a trained observer can see their constant vigilance as they survey the crowd for any signs of trouble.

Look! We all know that you can’t cross the street without the potential for being a victim of a terrorist attack these days. And after Manchester, we know that going to any concert carries a certain risk.

But when you combine a police force that understands they can’t be perfect, with a crowd that appreciates their efforts and is willing to take that risk, it doesn’t get much better than that.


Let’s not forget the City of Elgin

For example:

  • Parking is plentiful, simple, safe and free!
  • There are enough officers and community service officers on hand to do the job.
  • They clearly work hand-in-hand with the casino folks for smoother sailing.
  • They understand exactly what these events do for the local bars and restaurants.
  • The noise limitations are more than reasonable
  • They understand we’re all there to have a good time.

I’ll keep on saying it! These GVC/Festival Park concerts are a win-win situation for everyone!