Changing the term doesn’t change a damn thing!

I just don’t accept midgets as human beings. There’s only so much political correctness I can accept. – Gilbert Gottfried

I’m convinced the whole thing started when some enterprising car dealer’s epiphany consisted of the following thought, “Instead of calling ‘em used cars, we’ll refer to them as ‘pre-owned’ or ‘pre-driven’ and the unwashed masses will unwittingly flock to our lots and send sales skyrocketing.”

Then it was Republicans who picked up on the whole redefinition phenomenon by coining ominous terms like “Death Tax” instead of “inheritance tax,” “Death Panels” instead of the “Affordable Care Act,” and “Patriot Act” instead of the “Spying on Absolutely Everyone in America Act.”

But while the GOP generally applied the practice primarily for propaganda purposes, it was progressives who took the time and made the effort to turn it into an art form. 

Since my far-left compatriots fervently believe they have a monopoly on redefining terms to make themselves feel better about their empty guilt-ridden Caucasian lives, as the duly appointed scion of truth, justice and the American way, by the power vested in me, I’m unilaterally eliminating these purportedly politically correct propositions from the lexicon, under penalty of death – or at least being called a name.

Put more simply, in the words of the great anchorman Howard Beale, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more.” Of course, that pretty much sums up my entire existence, but grand sweeping quotes always make the process a little more fun. 

With that in mind, here we go!

1. “Unhoused” or “unsheltered” instead of “homeless”

Please tell me, after decades of successfully applying the words “homeless” and “homelessness” why do we suddenly need a new term that doesn’t change a thing? “Homeless” describes the problem perfectly – someone without a permanent residence.

I truly tried to consider what made “unhoused” or “unsheltered” a better choice, but after reading some progressive columnists’ convoluted explanations, I’m more confused than ever. Their labyrinthine logic reminded me of Captain Kirk trying to explain the fictional card game Fizzben to the Iotians.

“Unhoused” sounds a lot like something that could happen after a tornado tears through a town. “We were housed until the storm came through, but now we’ve been unhoused.” Meanwhile, “unsheltered” is the word you might apply to someone who’s had a wide variety of experiences.

Ironically, as is always the case with these silly new progressive terms, no one actually asked the homeless what they thought about it. And who knew the only way of successfully addressing this millennia old issue was to redefine it. Problem solved, right?

3. “Food insecurity” instead of “poor,” “poverty,” or “hunger”

If it wasn’t for the asinine “cisgender,” this phrase would take the WTF were you thinking cake. I don’t know about you, but “food insecurity” sounds like a mental illness where the afflicted sincerely believe their Cheerios are making fun of them. Or perhaps it’s the kind of thing that happens when you put filet mignon next to the ground beef in the fridge.

What makes this redefinition so insidious is, not only does it fail to address a very real problem, but its semi-humorous nature completely obfuscates the sad reality. Jesus said, “Feed the poor,” not “Feed the food insecure,” because he didn’t want to confuse the crap out of people. 

Again, all this insipid term does is make progressives feel better about their purported “sensitivity” to poor folks’ plight. It certainly won’t make a hungry family feel better about their lot.

To make matters worse, the media has no issue embracing this truly terrible term.

3. “Illegal alien” has evolved to “illegal immigrant” to “undocumented immigrant” to “undocumented worker” to “migrants”

Our expression preoccupied progressive brothers and sisters can’t seem to make up their minds on this one. But it doesn’t matter because it all boils down to people who have no legal right to be here, being here. And the fact they take jobs most Americans wouldn’t consider doesn’t begin to mitigate the underlying statutory realities.

I have to admit that “illegal alien” sounds like a situation involving wayward Alpha Centaurians in the Men in Black movies. But when you eliminate that one, “migrant” is clearly the worst of the lot.

“Migrant” conjures up dire dark images of Tom Joad and a horde of dustbowl Okies enduring tragedy upon tragedy as they make their way to California in The Grapes of Wrath. Well, either that or a throng of Gypsy’s…I mean “Romanis…” making their way across the barren Russo-European landscape in horse drawn wagons. Either way, it ain’t a pretty picture.

I suppose we could go with “People looking for a better life for themselves and their families,” but that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

Whoa! I didn’t think this would turn into a two-parter, but with four more progressive redefinitions yet to go, that’s exactly what just happened. We’ll finish up this topic on Tuesday