On speaking and removing all doubt

On speaking and removing all doubt

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. – Often attributed to Mark Twain or Abraham Lincoln

And that’s particularly true of professional athletes like Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker, who just like children, should occasionally be seen and never be heard. I thought I was the only one capable of offending absolutely everyone in one short diatribe, but I was wrong!

On the bright side, our errant college commencement speaker did manage to make puppy killer Kristi Noem the happiest woman on Earth – no easy task. Once he decided he should expound upon his fascinating social theories, the talking heads dropped her like it’s hot. She’s gotta be thinking “What do I have to do to get the press to cover me now? Shoot a kitten?”

Yes! We’re tackling another national story here, but in my defense, it fits squarely into our recurring theme that the biggest post-pandemic casualty is common sense. I continue to be convinced that COVID’s most insidious long-term side effect has been rendering public figures incapable of considering the consequences of their ill-conceived thoughts before they so publicly pronounce them.

To put this particular incident in perspective, Butker’s fascinating fiats make those insane flat earthers look like Jeopardy champs. Who in their right fuckin’ mind would get up in front of 485 graduating Benedictine University students, half of them women, and essentially say this:

Hey little ladies! I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you just wasted $171,864 on a pointless college degree because the only thing that’s gonna make you happy is being barefoot and knocked up while you’re cooking fried chicken for your husband.

On what planet in any galaxy anywhere did this creep think he could get away with that kind of bullshit? And don’t give me any of the Cancel Culture crap, either. Had Butker issued his Chauvinistic Manifesto 40 years ago – long before those progressive idiots had coalesced – the fallout would’ve been just as fierce.

But our Illustrious kicker wasn’t done yet. Oh no! He went on to explain how his wife had gleefully given up her career prospects to raise their two children, which is a distinctly difficult decision when your husband makes $3.6 million a year to appear on a football field for all of ten minutes a game. That income doesn’t include his soon-to-be-former sponsorships, either.

Then, just for good measure, he added:

  • Women are incapable of critical thinking.
  • While his hero’s facing charges for paying hush money to the porn star with whom he cheated on his 98th wife, Joe Biden is somehow the root of all evil.
  • All LBGTQ+ folks are going straight to hell.
  • DEI initiatives suck, which they do, but you might not wanna say something like that when the only reason you have three rings on your fingers is the black quarterback and your bosses are promoting diversity at every turn.
  • That tired old anti-Semitic trope that the Jews killed Jesus*
  • Abortion is bad, which is a reasonable opinion, but that divisive topic doesn’t belong in a commencement address.

Talk about annihilating absolutely everything and everyone in your path! So, he’s a bigot, homophobe, anti-Semitic, and misogynist. The only thing he didn’t do was say the “N-word,” but there’s always another speech. And the Chiefs had the nerve to think that Taylor Swift was a distraction? 

But here’s what everyone else is missing.

At a time when public figures are saying the darndest things, don’t tell me that those fine Benedictine folks didn’t vet that speech. They knew exactly what he was going to say and they wholeheartedly supported it. The evidence of their guilt is those administrators suddenly getting quieter than a former president in a Manhattan courtroom.

But here’s what really frosts my flakes. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and his minions immediately moved to “distance” themselves from Butker’s fine oratory claiming he “Was acting as a regular person and not a representative of the NFL.”

Sorry dude, but does anyone within the sound of my voice really believe that Butker would be asked to give the 2024 Elgin Community College commencement address if he were a Kane County Pace bus driver? Nope! Call me crazy, but I’m thinking those three Super Bowl rings might’ve been the proximate cause of his Benedictine appearance.

Bull all cowardly NFL declarations aside, considering an athlete’s career relies on the kindness of strangers, Butker’s playing days are over. C’mon! If silently taking a knee was the end of Colin Kaepernick, embarking upon a quest to alienate everyone in such an efficient manner may well be the best example of professional suicide I’ve ever seen.

The first rule of professional team sports is don’t become a distraction. Were Butker a baseball player, he might survive simply based on the sheer number of games. The press certainly doesn’t have a very long attention span. But the Chiefs only play one game a week and the media will be there chomping at the bit at every game.

So, the Chiefs are already looking for a replacement and they’re quietly coming up with the most efficient way to cut him so the team can move on. And just as it was with Mr. Kaepernick, no one else will touch him because that media coverage would be even more hellacious.

Aside from the potential long-haul COVID explanation, I cannot begin to comprehend what made Mr. Butker think he would come out of this unscathed. He’s either incredibly naïve, stupid, he has a fascinating death wish, or all of the above. All he had to do was run that speech by – anyone – and even if they agreed with his “ideals,” they would’ve warned him it was highly inappropriate for a college graduation and that his employers wouldn’t take too kindly to it.

The vast irony there, of course, is being cut loose from the NFL might force his wife to get a job. 


* The Catholic Church has repeatedly and firmly declared that the Romans, and not the Jews, killed Jesus. And Butker was also incorrect when he said someone could go to jail for saying that. The newly passed Congressional law simply withholds funds from colleges deemed to be anti-Semitic.

2 thoughts on “On speaking and removing all doubt

  1. “Hey little ladies! I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you just wasted $171,864 on a pointless college degree because the only thing that’s gonna make you happy is being barefoot and knocked up while you’re cooking fried chicken for your husband.”

    He didn’t say that or even remotely imply that.
    You certainly removed all doubt.

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