Will someone please tell me how a satirist can possibly satirize a city council that’s so self-satirizing a satirist couldn’t possibly satirize them any more than they satirize themselves?
I’m asking because I’ve never had this problem before.
It all started with that eminently fascinating body’s unparalleled propensity to waste everyone’s time at a time when time is at a premium. And this time it was a beyond pointless climate change resolution supported by the Concerned Citizens of the Fox Valley who clearly have too much time on their hands.
So, just to be sure I have a handle on all of this! We’re still smack dab in the middle of a strange pandemic where the only possible “cure” is eliminating the economy while these city council Neros fiddle with pointless symbolic gestures as the urban world burns around them?
Not to mention the impending murder hornets.
Really? At a time when the only way 2020 could possibly top itself is by encouraging Godzilla to rise out of the Fox River, the Elgin City Council is tackling climate change? Why not pass a resolution supporting puppies, sunshine, unicorns, rainbows, and extraterrestrial aliens while they’re at it.
It would have exactly the same effect.
Only the Elgin City Council could prove Ecclesiastes 1:9 wrong. There actually is something new under the sun! And they fervently debated this patently pointless resolution, too!
Just like it is with Santa Claus, Councilman Terry Gavin declared he doesn’t believe in climate change, so there’s no need to address it. My advice to him would be to consider not believing in alcohol, particularly directly before those Wednesday night meetings.
Gavin, never a threat to MENSA, continued by claiming that, since there’s no scientific consensus on climate change, there’s no need to address it. I take that back! Perhaps he does believe in Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny, too!
But while I expect nothing less from Alderman Gavin, I expect a lot more from Councilman Toby Shaw, who, on good days, has demonstrated a reasonable IQ. May I respectfully remind the councilman that the word “conservative” is derived from “conserve,” and regardless of your pandering partisan beliefs, when it comes to this scant blue third rock from the sun, conservation is never a bad idea.
Ah! But while those two were entertaining, as is always the case, my favorite city council climate change resolution response came from Baldemar Lopez, who said, “I am standing in support of this initiative. I think we’ll take a measured course and a very deliberate course in terms of implementation.”
What the councilman wants you to forget is, he was a highly paid lobbyist for Commonwealth Edison, one of the most prolific polluters in Illinois history. They’ve gotten better of late, but that utility still relies on eminently dirty energy sources like coal on 90-degree summer days.
Apparently green money trumps green efforts, doesn’t it?
To make matters so much worse – if that’s even possible – Mayor Dave Kaptain, a man we could almost always count on to be a voice of reason, said, “I look at it as recognizing it’s an emergency. I would recommend an advisory referendum to see if the city wants to pay for it and see what the residents want to do.”
Oh! So, you want to waste even more of everyone’s time!
Dave! Please allow me to address you husband-to-husband. Trust me! I understand that, unless we want to be relegated to that spare bedroom, on occasion, we husbands actually have to listen to our wives. But the problem with this theory here is, not only does your wife’s ultra-progressive bent have an undue effect on an entire city, but some folks say her reality bears absolutely no resemblance to anyone else’s.
May I humbly suggest that, the next time she starts talking about this kind of thing, simply turn your hearing aid down. That way, you’ll stay in her good graces and the city of Elgin will be far better off for it!
Though I know the rabble will do just that, please don’t get me wrong! I put my money where my mouth is in the climate change regard. I drive no more than 3,000 miles a year, we keep the thermostat at 65 in the winter and 78 in the summer, and we buy every last sustainable grocery store product possible.
But for the Elgin City Council to debate a pointless and pandering resolution when their full and undivided attention is so desperately required elsewhere, is so far beyond the pale, that I’m not quite sure where to begin.
But I do know where it needs to end! And that’s at the ballot box.
So, rather than just bitching about a governing body that no longer represents anything other than their own self-serving political interests, I’m going to renew my call for hope and change in the City of Elgin.
Corey Dixon, Baldemar Lopez, Carol Rauschenberger, and yes, Terry Gavin, are all up for reelection next year, and they all need to go! I have to believe that, in a city of 112,000, there are four sane centrist candidates who would like to serve the City that they and I love.
And even though those fine folks would have to put some time and money into it, I’d run their campaigns at no charge.
You know where to find me!