Quick Hits – February 12, 2020

The candidate strikes back

It doesn’t happen very often anymore, but I can’t tell you how much fun it is when a candidate or elected official, clearly aggravated by my capacity to tell the truth, comes back at me in the kind of ill-advised manner that proves I exposed them for exactly who they are!

In light of my almost 14-year tenure, most of ‘em have come to realize there’s isn’t much point in poking the bear, so they simply let it go. And what fun is that? Though my good friend Jim Oberweis’ capacity to publicly ignore me while still sending me a Christmas card every year always makes me laugh.

Ah! But in what will come as absolutely no surprise to anyone, our vapid 26-year-old 14th Congressional GOP candidate, Catalina Lauf, wasn’t nearly that smart. After I accurately demonstrated what a farce both she and her Congressional run are, she resorted to citing my heinous not-quite-criminal past because she really doesn’t have anything to say.

Though she did miss the fact that FBI thought I was the Unabomber for 16 years. We won’t talk about the ATF!

There was no defense of her so-far pointless candidacy, there was no description of her campaign platform, and there was no explanation for why she performed so poorly at that Batavia candidate’s forum. It was just another in a long line of the kind of non-statements that have completely defined her candidacy.

What the young lady continues to completely miss is, it was three high-ranking Republican officials who were so stunned and discouraged with her forum performance who came to me about her. I haven’t paid much attention to the 14th because incumbent Lauren Underwood will run away with that one.

I know it’s hard to believe, particularly these days, but some Republicans still care about and believe in what the Party of Lincoln once stood for.

At the end of her counter-tweet Ms. Lauf wrote, “I can’t wait till March 17,” And neither can we Catalina, because that’s when, after receiving less than 10 percent of the primary vote, you will, once again, be relegated to the vast insignificance you so richly deserve!

But it really is sad that you somehow believe you have political merit because the Republicans who recruited you did so solely based on your ethnicity and appearance, and they will discard you just as quickly as those looks will inevitably fade. Of course, if you lose the primary as badly as most people think you will, your GOP “friends” will dispense with you much faster.

Didn’t you question why your “handlers” wouldn’t allow you to appear for that Sun-Times editorial board interview? They know it would be just another unmitigated disaster. And now that people know you can’t string two coherent sentences together, your ambition of landing a Fox News gig ain’t gonna happen, either.

Meanwhile, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, one day, you will wake up and not only realize just how badly you’ve been used, but that I was the only one who told you the truth.

 

Some folks just can’t stand good fortune!

I know some of y’all have the nerve to think that, on occasion, I can be my own worst enemy, but compared to actor Jussie Smollett, I’m the rankest of rank Amateurs.

Here’s what I mean!

Having clearly staged your own hate crime, if you ever get an exceedingly rare and inexplicable free pass from those often-vindictive Second City politicos, you should immediately fall on your knees and thank whatever god you worship, offer to regularly mow the lawns of the folks who provided once-in-a-lifetime break, and never as much as whisper a word about it again!

Smollett 2

Because, if instead, you further enrage an already irate CPD by publicly referring to them as buffoons, you countersue the City instead of wisely coughing up the cost of the unnecessary investigation, and you do your damndest to turn your amazing good fortune into a race-based and self-aggrandizing press coup, you might just be criminally charged all over again!

And that’s exactly what Special Prosecutor Dan Webb just did by reinstating all six disorderly conduct charges.

So now, with his acting career already in all sorts of shambles, it will only get worse when he’s finally convicted, Smollett will have to pay for the CPD’s investigative time, and considering his vast capacity to be utterly ungrateful, I think whatever man or woman in black he draws will slap him down again.

And all he had to do was thank the Lord for his immense good fortune and walk away and keep his mouth shut.

2 thoughts on “Quick Hits – February 12, 2020

  1. Pretty harsh Jeff, even for you.

    • M,

      Really? I thought that’s what people would say about yesterday’s piece and certainly not this one. In fact, I thought this one was downright sedate for me!

      And if this one is harsh, it’s because the truth isn’t always kind. I’ve seen the Lauf dynamic over and over again and it always ends the same way. I’ve never seen anyone come back from it, either.

      Jeff

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