Don Quixote ain’t got nuthin’ on these guys!
As The First Ward recently reported, Illinois 25th District State Senator Jim Oberweis and, perhaps to a lesser extent, Kane County Clerk Jack Cunningham, suddenly seem to be harboring Congressional aspirations – again!
Some people never learn, do they?
And now we have a new name to add to the 14th District mix – none other than my former radio show co-host, friend, and one of the least effective state reps in Springfield – Allen Skillicorn.
It’s not that Allen lacks talent, it’s that conservative Republican ideologues don’t get very far in Springfield these days and he’s shown no political capacity to start with where you are. And Allen? Backing Jeanne Ives? Yikes!
So, since we’re here, let’s review our terrible trio’s electoral chances.
Their first problem is the 2020 general election will bear witness to the kind of Republican bloodbath that’ll make 2016 look like the GOP glory days. Considering Trump’s ever-increasing intractability and the ongoing Mueller investigation, the President will go down at the hands of the kind of Mondale-ian landslide that will take the Senate right along with him.
But even if Cunningham could match Congressman Bill Foster’s campaign acumen, and even if that 2020 Blue Wave doesn’t materialize, the 11th District has forever fallen into the Democratic camp never to turn red again.
Is the fact that Jack took his campaign truck out of mothballs enough to say he’s running? Not necessarily. He loves to keep people guessing. But having worked for the man, I know his singular regret is having never mounted a successful Congressional campaign.
And that’s Jim Oberweis’ biggest disappointment, too, but unlike Cunningham, I firmly believe he’s gonna give that halcyon 14th seat another shot.
But it will be to no avail because, even though that district remains predominantly Republican, he’s run for statewide office too many times, and regardless of what personal resources might be brought to bear, no old white man will beat Lauren Underwood in 2020.
She will be vulnerable in 2022 after the Dems take control and screw it all up again, but even if Jim stays in the game till then, I don’t see him coming out of that primary with a win.
On to Mr. Skillicorn who has less of a shot than our dynamic duo does. At least Cunningham and Oberweis can semi-finance their own campaigns. But word on the street is, fed up with a long litany of losses, Dick Uihilein is done being Dan Proft’s sugar daddy and the eminently conservative Liberty Principle PAC, which has supported Skillicorn’s state rep runs, won’t be able to fund him going forward. Not that he’d do any better against Underwood than Oberweis would, but without that PAC cash, his Congressional campaign is dead in the water.
As an aside, I fervently hope Proft’s sudden lack of financing dooms his abhorrent fake print and Internet newspapers, but I digress.
This would normally be the point at which I’d issue a public proclamation pleading with my three amigos to see the electoral light and stop wasting their and our time. But that entreaty would be just as futile as executing the boiling water challenge directly into today’s screaming west wind.
Ah well! At least an Oberweis/Skillicorn primary will be more than entertaining!
And speaking of the boiling water challenge…
As a result of attempting the challenge during our piquant polar vortex, eight separate Chicagoans resorted to the Loyola University Medical Center with burns of varying degrees. Apparently, our budding amateur scientists didn’t understand the difference between standing “up” or “downwind.”
For the uninitiated, the “boiling water challenge” is an endeavor by which with the experimenter hurls a cup of highly heated water into subzero air only to watch it immediately vaporize. My wife and I gave it a shot on a minus 27-degree morning and it turned out to be quite fascinating.
We may have emerged unscathed, but other folks weren’t so lucky – or perhaps, smart. You see, the medical problems started when they hurled the cup of water into, instead of with the wind. Then all that steam blew right back on them, or on an unfortunate observer, and as we all know, vaporized water sits somewhere north of 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
So, here’s my theory. If you can’t figure out that throwing boiling water into the wind is a really bad idea, then all the local hospitals and immediate care facilities should be allowed to refuse treatment based the principles that you shouldn’t be permitted to single-handedly spike our insurance rates and that you’re too stupid to live.
Perhaps if you have to endure the pain of untreated third degree burns for a few weeks, you won’t do it again. That’s the only way some people will learn.
Please explain again how Homo Sapiens are the pinnacle of evolution?