Quick Hits – July 25, 2018

One more thing…

Since I’ve kinda been getting long-winded lately (shut up!), I decided to cut yesterday’s Quick Hits a bit short. But given today’s fresh start, I want to mention that, not only did Democratic 14th Congressional District hopeful, Lauren Underwood, prominently post a reasonable picture of her incumbent opponent on social media, but her messaging was excruciatingly poor, too!

Hultgren Underwood

Because if you want to attract swing voters in a heavily white Republican district, the best way to do that is to publicly embrace Planned Parenthood. They’re not controversial at all!

Planned Parenthood may do an amazing job of helping women and abortions account for just 3 percent of their budget, but conservatives have successfully made an issue out of them. Since liberals can’t message their way out of a wet paper bag, it’s a campaign reality that must be considered.

I’m not saying Underwood should sell her soul to get elected, but how difficult would it be to avoid the whole PP thing until after November 6. Imagine all the good she can do on their behalf once elected! Not that that’s ever gonna happen.

 

You are NOT the resistance!

The next time I see one of you bleepin’ motherfuckers use the word “resist” or “resistance” as a political statement, I’ll finally give the Geneva Police a real reason to arrest me. And yes! I used that fascinating word because nothing else works here.

It’s awfully difficult to get through to you liberals these days.

You’re not the resistance. There is no occupying power. No one’s being taken out back and shot for speaking their mind. And despite what some of y’all think, Donald Trump ain’t exactly Adolph Hitler.

A Muslim travel ban hardly equates to the slaughter of six million Jews.

But if you insist on “resisting,” which generally comes in the form of useless Facebook memes –  here are some things progressives might want to resist:

1. Horrific candidates like Hillary Clinton

She’s the only candidate on this vast rocky sphere who could’ve lost to the likes of Donald Trump. And don’t give me any of this “she was unduly smeared by conservatives” bullshit, either. They would’ve done the same thing to any Democrat, but Joe Biden would’ve shoved it right back in their collective faces.

Clinton was cold, unlikeable, overly entitled, she couldn’t connect with voters, her message sucked, and despite a complete understanding of the Electoral College, she ignored that reality completely.

So, deal with it! Hillary Clinton wasn’t assassinated! She lost because she was a terrible candidate who ignored her working-class base. Say what you will about Trump, but his “message” clearly resonated with those blue-collar folks.

2. Carpet bagging opportunists like Bernie Sanders

No man did more to get Donald Trump elected than Bernie Sanders!

He isn’t and has never been a Democrat. He disingenuously abandoned his Independent roots to run as a Dem because he knew couldn’t win otherwise. And that my friends, is selling your soul to get elected.

So, of course, the party tried to undermine him, because, for better or worse, political parties are built upon a favor driven dynamic that generally works pretty well. If I help you knock on doors, then I expect you to do the same for me.

And that’s the way it is from the lowest Second City precinct committeeman all the way on up to presidential contenders. But Bernie just waltzed in and expected to be anointed king, and it doesn’t work that way.

Trust me, that’s a good thing. If Republicans had any control over their own party, Donald Trump would already be an afterthought.

3. Overly entitled millennials

The fastest way to electoral defeat is to base your campaign strategy on getting voters to do something they’ve never done before.

Take Hispanic voters, which is an utter oxymoron because they don’t vote! State Rep Linda Chapa LaVia certainly ain’t the mayor of Aurora, is she? That’s because Hispanic voters couldn’t be bothered to go to a polling place in the rain.

Sanders managed to pull off the almost impossible by getting millennials to vote in the primary, but when those spoiled brats didn’t immediately get their way, those-overly entitled delicate flowers took their vote and went home.

That’s what happens when parents tell their children they’re “special” once too often. So much for understanding the Zen notion of two steps forward and one step back.

And if anyone thinks millennials are going to come out for the 2018 Illinois midterms – with two bizarre billionaires vying for governor – in the words of those great philosophers Judas Priest, “you’ve got another thing coming.”

All I can say is, I hope the next asteroid strike comes sooner rather than later.

 

All this insipid “resistance” bullshit does is fire up Trump’s base and send swing voters into the conservative camp, or make them stay home on election day. It may work with the choir, but the choir’s already gonna vote Democratic!

Here’s a perfect local example of what really frosts my flakes. This is the Kane County Democratic Women of Illinois’ social media photo:

The Resistance

Yes! Nothing says revolution like a bunch of middle-aged women standing with their fists pumped dressed in their Ann Taylor business suits. Why, I haven’t been this fired up since Vanilla Ice sang ‘Fight the Power.’

Please let me clearly stipulate that I know some of the women in that photograph and I like them (especially one of ‘em), but if I was KC GOP Chairman Ken Shepro, Circuit Clerk Tom Hartwell, and Treasurer Dave Rickert, some of the most capable campaigners in the Collar Counties, here’s what I’d do.

I’d take that photograph and plaster it all over social media – perhaps even put it on a mailer – with the caption, “These are your Kane County Democrats.” Then I’d casually mention the irony that every single person in that photograph is white.

And all of those moderate or leaning Republicans, the voters Democrats desperately need to win in red Kane County, will shake their heads and vote the status quo. It would be an incredibly effective messaging strategy.

Unless I’m wrong about the demise of the Blue Wave (and I wouldn’t bet against me), as it stands right now, with the exception of county board members and state reps in Democratic districts, no Kane County Democrat will prevail in November.

So, if you progressives (and remember, I’m one of you) don’t want to have to endure another four years of Donald Trump, my suggestion would be this. As you stare intently into the bathroom mirror, write “resist” on it in red lipstick. Then proceed to do just that!

 

4 thoughts on “Quick Hits – July 25, 2018

  1. Are these truth bombs or your attempt at comedy? Because your article did both.

    Also, the picture with those women was priceless with your thoughts. I do believe most people look at a picture and shake their head saying, “What are they doing!?”

    These midterms are becoming golden (and not for who wins) in the many ways. In the end, I do believe the democrats will be coming up short nationally.

    • John,

      I’ve always thought I’m at my best when I’m angrily funny! And when my toughest former managing editor laughed hilariously as I read him the entire piece I knew I was good.

      Jeff

  2. Thank you Jeff. These people need a history lesson. My uncle died in a Japanese prison camp my father in law was in the Polish Army captured by Germans then Russian then Germans he escaped to fight with free Poles in England. That was resistance, Free French that was resistance. A bunch of whiny middle aged white women or millennials who will not bother to vote are not any type of resistance.
    I think you are right as to election altho Peter J Roskam may go down to defeat. That is because J in his name stands for Jerk and he has earned defeat

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