Quick Hits – October 13, 2017

When the Cubs break a curse…

…they really break a curse!

So, the boys in blue are headed to LA while the Nationals still haven’t managed to break their playoff curse, which pretty much consists of manager Dusty Baker’s mere presence. Though, Joe Maddon certainly ain’t no prize, either. He may well be the most overrated manager in the history of the game.

Cubs beat Washington

But despite his downright daffy in-game decisions, it would seem our illustrious Binny’s pitchman has been the beneficiary of some serious divine intervention. Either the Big Guy has suddenly realized He had to atone for 108 years of futility, or perhaps Harry Caray finally has His ear. Whatever it is, I’m not gonna bitch about it cause I get to watch baseball a little while longer.

And the fact that the Cubs’ continued playoff success annoys the absolute shit out of White Sox fans is a really nice bonus!

Sure! You could chalk last night’s game up to a statistical anomaly for the ages, but that’s not nearly the first 2017 contest in which the Cubs pulled off the kind of implausible comeback that leaves you scratching your head. C’mon! Those lovable losers are supposed to capitulate when challenged, not take advantage of dropped third strikes, catcher’s interference and eminently cheap singles.

As is so often the case, the teams that had to struggle to make it to the playoffs tend to beat those that breezed through the regular season. So, it’s gonna be the Cub and Yankees in the World Series with the Cubs taking game seven at Wrigley Field.

You heard it here first!

 

The reports of Michael Madigan’s retirement are greatly exaggerated

In yet another fit of I-can’t-govern-on-my-best-day pique, Bruce Rauner just casually tossed $4.5 million into the State Republican coffers, to go towards, as he put it, “the Madigan retirement plan.”

Yep! That’ll certainly help the Springfield situation!

First, the Guv could put $40 million towards sending The Speaker packing and it wouldn’t cause Mike to lose a nanosecond’s sleep. That 22nd District is as close to a Democratic Machine sure thing as there is.

Rauner Madigan

And as we’ve discussed before, the second a Republican candidate rears their ugly head, Madigan’s people will primary them with one, or perhaps two last-minute candidates. If they manage to make it through to the general, an Independent spoiler will mysteriously appear to split the upstart vote.

Second! As I’ve consistently repeated, the only way you can beat The Speaker is to develop the kind of electoral ground game that can actually compete with his crack statewide team. Lip service and petty cash aren’t about do the trick.

But no! Conservatives are so impatient and immature they always want their cookie NOW! Never mind the all-too-obvious fact that their ultra-ideological tactics almost always turn around and backfire on their politically naïve butts.

So, this petty, stupid, unnecessary and inconsequential gesture will only make it that much harder to get anything done. When challenged as to the governor’s competency, Gilberts’ Mayor Rick Zirk recently rationalized that, at least Rauner is better that Quinn.

I don’t think so!

 

The DH writes about not writing about something

First, the Daily Herald wrote about nothing, a journalist effort I wholeheartedly endorsed because it was much better than when their reporters actually wrote about something.

But now, perhaps in an effort to top that effort, the DH wrote an editorial regarding the fact that they didn’t write about something. Go ahead! Please take a minute or two to truly take that possibility in.

Yep! That crack editorial team took the time to tell us they wouldn’t write about the Las Vegas shooter in an editorial about the Las Vegas shooter.

Daily Herald Building

Now, if this were some sort of David Lynch-esque or Jean Paul Sartre-ian existential commentary on the current state of journalism, the American public’s general ADHD, or a Zen meditation on whether you can un-ring a bell, it would be a rather intriguing notion. After all, it does have that whole chicken or egg thing going for it.

Perhaps, in the words of that great philosopher, Patton Oswalt, it was a hippie-like attempt to “blow the readers’ minds.” I’d be good with that possibility, too.

Then I thought it might be a Swift-esque attempt at satirical humor, but I quickly dismissed that thought because those editors don’t begin to understand satire and nobody’s funny at Paddock Publications. Well…at least not on purpose.

Regardless of their reasoning, I kinda like it. Who’d a thunk you could write something about not writing about that something.

So, since I’m nothing if not supportive of my journalistic brothers and sisters, may I humbly suggest that, as an encore, the Daily Herald could publish an utterly blank newspaper at least once a week. I’m talking just their masthead and lots of virgin newsprint.

Not only would that top writing about nothing, but it would put writing about something that you’re not writing about to shame.

One thought on “Quick Hits – October 13, 2017

  1. How much column space did that “Editorial About Nothing” consume?
    That space would have been better used to print a few more Fence Post letters to the editor.

    It’s almost as bad as when the DH’s Jim Slusher wastes ink and column space with still another of his inane, pointless scribbles.

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