Quick Hits – September 8, 2017

The real court officers of Kane County

As if the prospect of getting justice in the 16th Circuit wasn’t a proposition already fraught with peril, it gets worse. Though y’all know I’m prone to fits of hyperbole, I’m not so sure it’s an exaggeration to say that, whether it’s Peck Road and Route 38, or Third Street in Geneva, everybody’s sleeping with everybody else.

And it ain’t necessarily with their husbands or wives, either.

Alright, it’s not that bad. As I’ve previously stipulated, there are some great people in the Kane County justice system, but whenever defense attorneys sleep with prosecutors and judges boink both sides, it’s a problem. Inter- and intra-office affairs don’t make the situation any better, either.

Workplace Affairs

Look! For the most part, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about who gets busy with whom. If they happen to be married at the time, it’s generally something that should be left between spouses. But when these “relationships” screw justice (pun intended), it does become a problem.

What do you think happens when a judge’s paramour appears before him or her, or someone comes up for a high level position? It gives a whole new meaning to the term “special treatment.”

Again, it ain’t all of ‘em, but one is one too many.

Even if the people involved aren’t married, sleeping with an opposite-side attorney, a judge, or even an interoffice affair can create the kind of bias that means we regular folks always lose. Not to mention what can happen when one of these dalliances ends badly, as most do.

Worse yet, when career advancement is based on who you boinked, and not talent and hard work, it does a massive disservice to the folks who actually abide by all the ethical standards.

The citizens of Kane County deserve far better than this bullshit. I know workplace affairs aren’t nearly limited to our justice system, but the folks charged with enforcing our legal standard should always be held to a higher one. They’re supposed to uphold the system, not subvert it.

By their very nature, certain jobs bring limits. Since no one put a gun to anyone’s head and said “you have to be a prosecutor, judge, defense attorney, or public defender,” you implicitly accept those limits the second you sign on.

So, to the prosecutors, defense attorneys, and especially judges, who insist on pulling this stupid shit, you have one month to clean up your act. After that, I start naming names. And I always know the names because the people disgusted with this kind of unprofessional rutting always come to me about it.

Not only that, but if any of the good guys see something that’s clearly compromising the system, you can always find me at jeffnward@comcast.net. Your privacy is guaranteed. Trust me, due diligence will be performed, but it’s not terribly difficult to confirm this kind of thing.

Put more simply, if you won’t police yourselves, I will.

 

An article about nothing?

Apparently the folks at the Daily Herald have been watching too many Seinfeld reruns. Because just like that show about nothing, now, the Daily Herald is writing about nothing. I know this sounds like a Jeff Ward joke, but I kid you not!

“Gurnee says no evidence of Klan activity,” the headline blared. Then the story went on to recount how the Gurnee Police have uncovered no Ku Klux Klan activity for the last 30 years. So now the lack of news is news?

Though I certainly appreciate the Daily Herald going out of their way to prove all of my previous points, not even I thought they could get this silly. But rather than rail against that paper one more time; rather than spit into the wind for the 3,742 time; perhaps it’s time to simply accept this new journalistic standard.

Seinfeld

So, it’s in that very vein that, in an effort to make peace, I will generously provide the Daily Herald with a slew of story ideas about things that haven’t happened:

  • The aliens haven’t landed
  • Donald Trump behaved presidentially
  • Illinois balanced their budget
  • The North Koreans have not invaded Waukegan
  • An asteroid did not strike Luxembourg
  • Godzilla did not appear in the ocean outside Japan
  • Bigfoot has not been discovered

I’m sure I can come up with more, but that oughtta keep those editors busy for a while.

Come to think of it, writing about nothing could greatly improve that paper, because, when their reporters actually write about something, they get it wrong.

The DH completely blew their coverage of the SB1 education funding bill getting almost every material fact wrong in one article. Then, another reporter wrote an entire piece about a line item in a Kane County Board resolution that had already been removed from that resolution.

Perhaps writing about nothing is the best thing that that paper could do. It worked for Jerry Seinfeld.

 

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