Quick Hits – April 24, 2017

Can you say “indulgent?” I knew you could!

Apparently I’m not the brightest bulb in the pack, because I made the mistake of walking the dogs through my south Fisher Farms neighborhood yet again. And sure enough, just when I thought that my fellow Genevans can do nothing to surprise me, they did just that.

On a sunny, 61 degree last week morning, parents were driving their middle-school children to the bus stop. Not to school, mind you – to the bus stop! Then, this morning I noticed they were dropping their ill-mannered progeny off at the south Heartland Elementary school paved path entrance.

And when I say “parents,” I mean at least ten to fifteen of ‘em.

That daunting 2.5 block walk must be too much for their delicate flowers, so why not abandon all pretense and buy them one of those electric scooters so they don’t get winded walking around the house.

Is it any wonder we’re facing a childhood obesity epidemic?

 

But don’t say the word “oppressed!”

In my earlier column on white people acting gangster, I may have mentioned that, with the exception of the Geneva Police, I wasn’t all that oppressed. And that’s just one of the many reasons it’s not appropriate for me to appropriate black culture.

Ah! But the fascinating result of that eminently satirical statement was to have the GPD drive slowly through my cul-de-sac a number of times the next day. The irony there is, I couldn’t get them to do that the week after my pickup truck was torched.

GPD

Why, one of the officers even took the time to glare at me as I was getting the riding mower ready for the season.

Shortly after writing my first 2006 column for the Tri-Cities Suns, former Kane County public defender and former Geneva resident, Sandi Byrd, warned me that the Geneva Police would not take kindly to any criticism of themselves or their city. And I thought she was just being paranoid. Silly me!

On the bright side, it’s good to know someone’s reading my stuff!

 

Keep them on a leash!

Since we’re already on the Geneva subject! And I mean dogs, by the way, though it might not be a bad idea to apply the same principle to your children.

When I got back from my four mile Sunday run, I abruptly realized that I hadn’t run into a single unrestrained hound. Who says there’s no such thing as miracles? Perhaps I should look into a Powerball purchase because I typically run into two to four of ’em.

On a good day, I’ll simply stop and wait while the owner re-assumes control of their errant canine. It’s not the end of the world, but if I’ve gotten into a good rhythm, it’s annoying to have to start over.

On a bad day, the incoming beast will send my terrified dog into a 180 degree five-foot flight and, constrained by her leash, I’m thrown completely off-balance only to be taken out by a perfect doggie chop block.

That’s happened twice in the last two years. Who needs two good knees anyway?

The bizarre thing is, if you politely inform these west siders that those pesky leash laws tend to prevent this kind of thing, they don’t take it too well.

In one case, a veterinarian – yes! A veterinarian – got rather terse with me for getting between his 90 lb. and my 40 lb. dog. When I didn’t find his attitude particularly amusing and started dialing 911, he started screaming at me to throw down the phone and fight.

Normally, I’d be happy to accommodate someone’s insistence on an ass-kicking, but not in Geneva for all the reasons we covered in our second story.

But my favorite off-leash dog story is the 60 pounder who ran right through me to get at my dog. Trust me! The Bears could use this creature. Thankfully, it happened on a grassy, gravel path so I survived, but my favorite Steve Prefontaine t-shirt has never recovered.

And the woman didn’t even bother to have a leash with her, so her dog kept coming at mine even after I got back up.

When I threatened to call 911 if I ever saw her dog running free again, she went back to her car, followed me, and did three Bricher Road drive bys complete with yelling, swearing, and bird flipping.

It’s not that some of what she said wasn’t true, but we’d only just met so how would she know? I finally had to call the police to put an end to it, though I did decline to press charges.

Wouldn’t life be a lot easier if y’all just kept your dogs tethered? Sadly, I’m going to have to insist on it going forward.

8 thoughts on “Quick Hits – April 24, 2017

  1. My former landlady once told me her dog “had the RIGHT” to run loose!

    Some of these people are just crazy.

  2. I completely agree! I live by a park on the east side. Many people think they can just let their dogs run free. I now carry a nice pocket knife for my own protection after being charged by a rather large dog. I had to put my bike between me and it, when the woman it belonged to just half heartedly called for it from about 50 yards away. I yelled back that there are leash laws,and I’ll call Animal control. Screw the cops, I want an attacking dog taken away. These people think everyone loves their pets. I’m not a fan of free range mutts.

    • Jim,

      Thanks for the excellent reply. I too am armed on runs these days! It’s a knife on the windy days and mace on all others.

      The problem with taking the dog away is it’s not its fault and the dog ends up traumatized. They need to fine the owner enough to make the off-leash thing far less appealing.

      Don’t get me wrong, there are Genevans I just love, but I’ve never run into the “I’m never wrong” mentality like I have here.

      Jeff

  3. Sounds like they got your number…Sorry to hear..Cops are not gonna let up ..

  4. The worst is the children that roam free. 7 year olds riding bikes in the street with no helmets or supervision. Walks/bikes right into traffic without watching. And yes, it’s a herd of like 15. (Town homes)

    • Sarah,

      I do agree with that too! But in my lovely neighborhood the now middle schoolers love to walk in groups of 10+ right down the middle of the street and every third word is the f-bomb. If they’re in a good mood, they might move out of the way for a vehicle.

      We will get to the lack of parental supervision in Geneva!

      Jeff

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