Quick Hits – February 3, 2016
Geneva – spousal murder capital of the Tri-Cities!
Apparently, the fine folks in Geneva, Illinois, are attempting to single-handedly disprove the statistical notion that married people live longer than their single counterparts. And they’re doing a bang-up job of it too!
In 2014, the municipality I loathe to call home, bore witness to the death of 32 year-old Kathleen King at the hands of her husband Shadwick. (And I say that with all due respect to my good friend and PD Kelli Childress who continues to maintain her client’s innocence.)
This week, east side resident Julie Gutierrez allegedly offed her 53 year-old husband, Eduardo, by way of a sedative spiked smoothie. Though a great deal of the blame for this should rest squarely on his shoulders because any self-respecting husband should’ve suspected something when their wife of 30 plus years offers them a smoothie out of the blue.
My wife of 20 plus years won’t even prepare a meal, and if she ever does start cooking, believe you me, I’d hire a food taster faster than Rahm Emanuel’s approval rating could drop.
And please tell me why is this kind of thing news?
Are we now supposed to start wondering if our beloved spouses are harboring homicidal habits? Is this just the beginning of an unstoppable Geneva spousicidal epidemic? Is there something worse than Flint, Michigan, in Geneva’s water supply? Or is it far more likely that, this silly coverage will only encourage marriage weary men and women to consider this very possibility.
Like Dark Energy, the fact that my lovely wife hasn’t already done away with me is one of the great mysteries of the Universe. And I really don’t need anyone giving her ideas. The bottom line? Married couples might really wanna think about it before they move to Geneva.
Alas poor Jeanette and Cody, I knew them!
There’s never been any hope for U-46 School Board member Jeanette Ward who’s never been anything other than a bigoted, ultra-rightwing, artificial Christian intent on making people just as miserable as she is.
(I hope I’m not being too subtle here)
But I did harbor hope that her compatriot, Cody Holt, would grow into that job by finally realizing that ideologues never accomplish anything. But not anymore! When I gazed upon the following photo, it was clear that the fat lady had long since sung.
Before we continue, please allow me to issue my famous “threatening to vote someone off a school board is a lot like threatening to stop beating them with a 2 by 4” caveat. But if you do choose to serve, you have to understand that a school board member must always balance the best interests of their constituents with the best interests of the children.
There can be no “agendas.”
And ladies and gentlemen, that photograph screams “agenda” because the Heartland Institute, folks with whom I’m entirely too familiar, only care about their stilted version of a white, Christian reality (They try to say they’re Libertarian). So what self-respecting school board member would ever want their photo taken at a group that consistently engages in anti-science hate speech?
But wait! There’s more! Guess who the HI’s keynote School Choice Week speaker was? That’s right! None other than former Congressman Joe Walsh who couldn’t be bothered to pay child support.
So Jeanette and Cody are done. Without a Jack Cunningham based tax levy screw up (cross your fingers) to propel them back into office, they’ll simply fade into the meaninglessness from whence they came. Sure, they’ll serve out their terms, but the dynamic duo will be just about as impotent as Richard Simmons at an all-girl college.
If you really want to see what conservative education “reform” looks like, look no further than Arizona, Wisconsin, and Kansas where they’re putting up billboards to attract teachers because so many educators have fled those states.
A CPS takeover is less government?
What doesn’t Bruce Rauner understand about the conservative concept of less government?
As if our state capitol wasn’t already bizarre enough and, despite an assortment of impossible impediments, the Guv just gave the go ahead for staff to formulate a Springfield takeover of the Chicago Public School system.
First, someone needs to tell Bruce that this ploy is actually MORE government, not less. Second, there’s no state law that would allow for such a coup. And third, there’s absolutely no chance of the Democratic General Assembly passing such a statute any time soon.
Ah! But in Bruce’s uniquely warped mind he somehow thinks this kind of “pressure” will get the Democrats to throw up their hands, run around in circles yelling “the sky is falling,” and summarily buckle on the budget battle.
NO IT WON’T! In fact, it will do just the opposite.
Just like shutting down social service agencies, killing child care, eliminating senior services, shutting down state colleges, and cutting autism funding caused regular folks to rain down fire and brimstone on the Illinois Republican Party, this hostile takeover will do the same thing.
Of course the CPS is a mess, but as Illinois conservatives love to say, “Do you really want the State of Illinois to be running anything else?”
So I’m gonna ask the question again! Doesn’t Governor Rauner have at least one decent advisor?