If an 84 year-old woman can do it…

Now, I’ll admit I might’ve gone a bit too far when I encouraged my fellow western Genevans to hug a local coyote, but some listeners actually had the nerve to scoff at my excellent June 26 Left, Right and You contention that chasing the belligerent beasts is all you really need to do to scare ‘em away.

And if you repeat it often enough, they won’t come back.  coyote

By the horrified reaction of some local timid souls, you’d think I was sending them on some sort of suicide run.

But no! These, less government Republican folks immediately ran to the city council with their tail between their legs, insisting Geneva pay tens of thousands of dollars to trap the crafty critters despite the fact that virtually pointless endeavor always turns out to be a temporary solution.

All I can say is I’m embarrassed to live in a city that boasts the kind of wimps that can be brought to their knees by the mere sight of a scruffy wild dog.

Ah! But Bensenville, on the other hand, just demonstrated their citizenry consists of a stout and hardy folk who fear absolutely nothing. All it took to put my peers in their place and prove my original point was the effort of one diminutive 84 year-old woman.

That’s right Geneva! You heard me! A bleepin’ short, white haired, little old octogenarian lady just heaped the kind of shame and embarrassment upon our city from which we will never recover.

As if Mayor Burns’ broadcasted city council “comedy routines” weren’t bad enough already. Oh the ignominy!

According to a magnificent story in today’s Daily Herald, last Friday, Dolores “Dolly” Jefferson was procuring her morning cup of coffee when she “heard all kinds of commotion” in her backyard.

Upon dashing to the back door, Dolly saw that her neighbor’s dog, Roxie, who’d already been bitten on the snout, was being herded by “the biggest coyote she’d ever seen” towards a waiting pack of three more.

Did Dolly call animal control? Did she dial 911? Did she call the city council and beg for a trapper? Did she cower in her basement crawl space until the crisis passed? No! She ran outside while screaming at the top of her lungs and, in her own words “shooed” the four coyotes away.

As her neighbor put it, “She ran out screaming and got within a foot of Roxie and that 100-pound coyote and she chased that coyote out of here. Dolly’s quite a hero. She saved Roxie’s life.”

You can read the entire account right here.

Dolly, her neighbor, and Roxie (courtesy of the Daily Herald)

Dolly, her neighbor, and Roxie (courtesy of the Daily Herald)

DuPage County Forest Preserve District Ecologist Dan Thompson had this to say about the confrontation:

“…You have to stand up to them [coyotes] and they’re going to back down. We need to do more of this. We should be telling the coyotes that we’re the alpha top dogs here, but instead, we’re just handing that role to the coyotes. The fact that an 84 year-old woman was able to scare them away and save this dog is proof that it works.”

That’s right Geneva! You’ve been utterly and completely humiliated by a 110 pound, 84 year-old Bensenville woman named “Dolly,” who managed to send FOUR coyotes fleeing in abject terror and reclaim her territory in the process.

I hope you’re proud of yourselves.

I can only imagine what kind of hell would break loose if an over-protective blue jay ever dive bombed one of my neighbors. They’d probably shut down the entire city and call out the SWAT team.

So please! I don’t want to hear any more crap about the efficacy of my coyote pursuit theory. Like I’ve been saying all along, if you see one of the beasts – bleepin’ chase it away! Pretend it’s a Democrat coming to ask you for your vote.

We humans didn’t get to the top of the food chain by sitting on our ample butts and watching “Dating Naked.” (That show is far more scary than any coyote.) As will always be the case, our dominance is being challenged and now it’s time to reassert ourselves.

And if Dolly can do it… Maybe the Geneva City Council should hire her!

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