Why conservatives come across as a consistently constipated bunch!

Oh lord! The only thing worse than a gaggle of Tea Partiers getting together to denounce something is a similar effort on the part of our left-leaning folks. I don’t know! Maybe it’s their general collective anger, but right wingers seem to be able to get their silliest points across while liberals perennially come across as completely clueless.

Comedian Patton Oswalt does a bleepin’ hilarious segment on these “hippie” protesters on his very funny “No Reason to Complain” DVD. I’ll try to post it here a bit later on.

It was upon learning of the local clergy and Planned Parenthood people who descended upon the Aurora Hobby Lobby to pass out condoms in protest of the recent SCOTUS ruling last week that brought that Oswalt bit to mind.  hobby lobby

Oh the sad ignominy! Please, please, please tell me the left can do better than this because if they continue in this comedic vein I’ll have to turn in my official liberal credentials. Libertarianism – here I come!

The first problem is, as so many Internet new story commentors pointed out, that Hobby Lobby doesn’t have a problem with barrier contraceptives. Perhaps if those clergypeople were actually passing out Plan B pills, we might have something to talk about. But condoms?

I can’t help but wonder what fate will befall those husbands who forget to mention this event prior to their wives going through their pockets during the laundry process. “But dear! I swear a minister was passing out condoms at the mall,” probably won’t cut it.

Before you start chuckling a bit too much my pompous conservative friends, the only thing worse than a pathetic left wing demonstration is the right reacting to one of them as if someone just stabbed them in the left foot.

Why, I haven’t heard this much shrieking and howling since…well…the week before because you folks always seems to be shrieking and howling about something.

To be fair, some who threw their two cents in proposed that corporations shouldn’t have to cover contraception or perhaps provide health insurance at all. Though that’s certainly a valid contention, it’s not what this whole argument is really about.

To briefly digress, I would contend that true Christians would see health care, not as an entitlement, but as a basic human right. The question of exactly who should foot that bill has yet to be fully flushed out.

As for the bulk of the conservative commentors, it didn’t take terribly long to note that they haven’t quite gotten that whole love thy neighbor thing down yet. Holy crap! Talk about going over the top because seven people were passing out condoms!

Apparently, conservatives love free speech until they don’t.

The thing is, while most of us found this condom pass out protest to be nothing more than mildly amusing, the right’s automatic descent into defcon 4 status lends it far more credence than it probably deserves and only serves to further mobilize the other side.

There really is something to that whole “equal and opposite reaction thing,” especially when you choose to overreact. If you don’t want a free condom you don’t have to take one.

The Duck Dynasty gentlemen are morons so I don’t watch their show and I don’t buy their shit.

Even though I’ve certainly had a bit of fun with them, I will give these demonstrators mad props for getting out there and taking some sort of stand. As one clergyman said, he hoped people would realize that Christianity is by no means monolithic on the issue of contraception and Jesus generally frowned upon those who abused power.

Since we’re already on the comedic thing, let’s wrap it up with comedian Lewis Black’s hypothesis that the biggest problem with conservatives – in any part of the world – is their utter inability to laugh at themselves or the folks who frequently disagree with them. Thus, they inevitably become sullen caricatures of themselves.

Conservatives! You have got to stop reacting to the simple stuff like someone just set your butt on fire and answering the “offense” only makes folks think you’re a consistently constipated bunch.

It doesn’t hurt your cause to let one go every now and then because the irony is, the left is eminently capable of accomplishing absolutely nothing on their own until you people insist upon stepping in and saving them from themselves.

One thought on “Why conservatives come across as a consistently constipated bunch!

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