You wanna feel better about Illinois?

And for some strange reason, that process always seems to start with Arizona.

Apparently unhappy with the results of his failed 2012 write-in campaign against Democratic Arizona Congressman Ed Pastor, Scott Fistler is willing to do whatever it takes to get elected this time.

Of course, that doesn’t mean doing anything as drastic as reaching out to precinct committeemen, putting a great ground game together, or effectively using social media to get his name out there. Uh uh!

Scott Fistler

Scott Fistler

Mr. Fistler’s imaginative plan revolves around the theory that, since the voters never really pay attention, pulling the wool over their eyes should be a piece of cake.

So with incumbent Pastor calling it quits in the heavily Hispanic 7th Congressional district, not only did our intrepid candidate suddenly change parties, but he also changed his name – to Cesar Chavez.

That’s right! Fistler is counting on the fact that all those Latino constituents will somehow mistake him for the Arizona born farm labor and civil rights activist who died in 1993.

Don’t laugh! If dead people can vote in Chicago I see no reason why they can’t get elected in Arizona. Isn’t John McCain technically already deceased?

Proving he has absolutely no shame, and no sense of history whatsoever, Fistler even went as far as peppering his campaign website with pictures of adoring throngs wearing t-shirts and carrying signs bearing his new last name.

The only problem with that is, the folks depicted in those photos were actually Venezuelans supporting the late former President Hugo Chavez. The least he could do is get his Chavez’s straight.

To absolutely no one’s surprise, the sudden press scrutiny did nothing to dampen Mr. Fistler’s political zeal. He simply refused to talk to them and pressed forward. Sate Sen. Mike Noland doesn’t seem so bad now, does he?

That’s it! I’m changing my name to Ronald Wilson Reagan. All I gotta do is find a wall to tear down and you might as well start playing Hail to the Chief.

 

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