I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke!

Oh Lord! It is utterly incomprehensible that conservatives would ever have the nerve to wonder why they can’t beat the black guy – or win any election that really matters. I suppose no one ever accused the Tea Party of being the brightest bulbs in the pack.

The truth is, it took the magnitude of a nine out of nine 2012 presidential battleground states loss to get the GOP to be able to spell the word “introspective,” much less practice it. But then, after just two short months of reflection, they returned to their wanton political ways.

Former Left, Right and You co-host Tim Elenz and I were discussing this very topic on last week’s radio show as I was predicting the Democrats would retain the Senate, Tim asked if, in light of Mike Huckabee’s failed gynecological verbal gymnastics, could conservatives manage to keep their mouths shut long enough to actually win in November.

Of course, my simple answer was “no!” and I just love it when folks who find me a bit subversive go out of their way to prove me right. Because the general right-wing reaction to a silly Super Bowl commercial is just another nail in the rapidly closing conservative coffin.coke

Apparently a number of multicultural individuals singing “American the Beautiful” in their native tongue was far too much for perpetually persecuted and frightened white folks to bear.

The conservative blogosphere immediately went nuts, tea partiers everywhere swore off Coca-Cola products, Rush Limbaugh had a severe seizure, and a Breitbart.com commentator, whom I won’t deign to mention, lamented that multiculturalism was being “rammed down our throats.”

All I have to say is, it’s a fucking commercial! You know, those things where cats talk, babies trade stocks, husbands never have a clue, and women are supposed to have a “happy” period – always. If you don’t bleepin’ like it, then bleepin’ turn it off!

Even I think the basic tenets of classic conservatism are sound. Fiscal sanity, personal responsibility, less government, and more freedom are all great notions, but as long as our “conservative core” immediately go into conniptions at the merest “slight,” it only reinforces the notion that you’re a bunch of intolerant redneck lunatics who have no sense of perspective or humor.

When only 27 percent of the country describes themselves as Republican, and the rest of it’s not lookin’ quite like that tea party face in the mirror, do you really think this kind of over-the-top reaction to a TV commercial is going to help your cause?

And please don’t tell me the folks at Coke didn’t know this would happen because they were counting on it. Unlike the GOP, they’ve done their surveys and marketing research and they know exactly where this country is headed. Not only did they solicit a boatload of free publicity, but sales lost to conservatives will be more than made up for by folks with at least half a bleepin’ brain.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking tea partiers to reconsider those aforementioned basic values, but I am asking them to consider that fear, anger, bigotry, hatred and exclusion have nothing to do with them.

But since I’m sure that will even happen, I’m going to encourage conservatives to keep up the good work and descend into an abject outrage every time their delicate sensibilities are threatened or they accidentally come across a brown person. I can’t tell you how entertaining it is to watch this fascinating case of a collective slow suicide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s