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January 27, 2014 / jeffnward

Who in Their Right Mind Would go on a Cruise?

I will never understand (nor doubt) the average American’s capacity to learn nothing from their own (or other folks’) mistakes, consistently make poor choices, blame everyone else for their own stupidity, and become irate about issues that don’t affect them while blithely ignoring those that do.

Because as I read yet another CNN cruise ship adventure gone awry story, I cannot help but shout the following question at the top of my lungs, “Who in their bleepin’ right mind would ever choose to go on a cruise for any reason?”

Remember Packers coach Vince Lombardi’s assertion that he despised forward passes because three cruisethings could happen and two of them were bad? When it comes to cruises, about ten things can happen and I wouldn’t wish nine of ‘em on my worst enemy.

The ship can catch fire (Royal Caribbean), the power can go out turning it into a floating toilet (Carnival), it can run aground (Costa Concorida), you can get seasick, passengers fall overboard, they get hijacked, they get attacked by pirates or, best of all and most likely, you get rendered totally inert by the norovirus right along with 600 of your new best friends.

Of course, it’s the final scenario that’s our cruise ship disaster du jour, having just hit a Royal Caribbean ship that sailed from New Jersey to the point it was forced back to port. (Whaddaya wanna bet Chris Christie is pissed at someone?)

But get this, CNN has video of a passenger saying he will never patronize that company again, which I’m thinking actually shows some smarts, until he adds that it’s his second time on a plague infested Royal Caribbean boat and he might just try another cruise line next time.

What the fuck does it take to convince some people that, when confronted with a mountain of  evidence to the contrary, you might want to do something a wee bit different? All I can say is natural selection doesn’t work nearly fast enough.

Because even if you haven’t had a bad cruise experience, what possible good can come of paying to board a tin can with 4,000 other folks packed tighter than a Mumbai slum with enough alcohol on board to make the Russian army cry basta all run by a business that can’t spell the word “maintenance” while trying to wring every last cent out of this abysmal prospect?

What could possibly go wrong with that?

I may not be the brightest bulb in the pack, but you couldn’t get me on a cruise ship if you paid me for the privilege. Can you say “no sympathy?” I knew you could!

2 Comments

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  1. jimkoko / Jan 28 2014 10:17 am

    . . . Okay Jeff . . . GREAT piece . . . Your views on religion are spot on . . . There is so much funny stuff . . . at least a shows worth . . . If your co-host is ever MIA we should do something fun like that . . . NO politician would EVER dis creation or a talking snake, talking ass . . or . . the bigger question . . . 1st century Middle east . . . Paul ?, John ?, James ?, Matthew ???? Where do you find guys with those names ?? unless . . . . . . . . .

  2. loudes13 / Jan 29 2014 8:04 am

    Kinda sounds like Americans electing Obama not once, but twice…

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