I Shoulda Been a Pitcher!

As I continue down my current curmudgeonly path, I’m suddenly feeling the need to play sportswriter. Though this temporary endeavor requires dropping my IQ by a few dozen points, it’s worth it to point out that baseball owners may well be the only group that’s even more oblivious than cruise goers.

Should you doubt my hypothesis, today, the Milwaukee Brewers signed former Cub pitcher Matt garzaGarza to a four year $50 million contract. That’s right! 50 million bucks which comes out to about $13 million a season and adds up to the biggest free agent signing in Brewers history.

So let’s do the math.

Garza’ lifetime ERA is 3.84, or basically 4 runs a game. The average 2013 National League ERA was 3.77 which means he’s average at best. Hitters have managed to bat .250 against Garza which puts him squarely at .01 points better than the average NL hurler.

I’m sure you’re getting my drift.

Of course, the average MLB starting pitcher’s salary is $6.1 million which means the Brewers just paid a ridiculous premium for what only can only be described as mediocrity.

But the biggest problem is that Garza also happens to be 30 years old, which, in the pantheon of professional pitchers, puts him on a skill set precipice and greatly increases the likelihood of injury for someone who’s already been on the DL four times since 2009 with elbow problems.

Now, I certainly think Matt is a great guy and fierce competitor, but the only signing that might actually be worse than this one is the Cubs paying major disappointment Edwin Jackson about the same amount.

The thing is, team owners love to bitch, whine and moan about escalating employee salaries and they jump at every opportunity to demonize the players union, but if we’re going to talk about self-inflicted wounds this one has to top the bleepin’ list.

My prediction? The Brewers finish fifth in the NL Central and Garza goes on the disabled list before August.

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