Will someone please teach me wifeanese!

Now, normally I don’t bring my life into the columns or blog if for no other reason than I’m actually kind of boring. But I’ve decided that an a.m. conversation with my wife today really should be documented for posterity.

Wife: “I really could’ve used your help making (older son’s) sandwich this morning.”

Me: “You know Thursday and Friday are my weekend so I stayed up later last night. If you needed help you should’ve woken me up.”

Wife: “I hate to wake you up when you’re sleeping.”

Me: “Well, then why didn’t you tell me you’d need help last night and I would’ve gone to bed earlier.”

Wife: “You knew where I was working all week.”

Me: “OK! Then why didn’t you tell me you’d need help for the rest of the week.”

Wife: “Because they’re buying lunch on Friday and I wouldn’t need your help then.”

At which point I was glad I was holding a butter knife and not one of my prized Wusthoffs because there was no logic on this planet that could’ve convinced her that she should have asked me for help AHEAD OF TIME.

So I’m willing to pay some sage woman a handsome amount to provide advanced wifeanese lessons. It’s gotta be a heck of a lot cheaper than a defense lawyer.

One thought on “Will someone please teach me wifeanese!

  1. You need to take a course in mind-reading. Come to think of it, all of us men do.

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